To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home?

[starsnstripes]

Emailed DH to ask if he would bring some milk and bread home on the way back from work as thought I had some in the freezer.

He replied "Yes ok"

Then he sent a seperate e mail titled "Why"

It read
"why are running out of basic items?"

Know that sounds pretty tame but he has been really agrumentive recently and questioning everything I have'nt done or criticising what I have done.

It's just another case of him being verbally abusive and controlling.

Still lurking, stars. Nothing useful to add except that I'm rooting for you. Keep safe and stay strong.

Hello Stayingsunny. One bedrooms's half done, then I realised it was lunchtime... Still, I done some internet research that I've also been putting off and bought an all important wheel trim from ebay. God, I love the Easter holidays!

Stars, what have you been up to this morning? Lots of selfish time playing with your DCs, I hope, or even selfish time to yourself?

hi, I have been lurking and I honestly felt that I was reading about my previous life with my alcoholic XP.........I know how hard it is as I was in the relationship with him for five years. He left in 2002 and I had never felt soooooooooo relieved before in my whole life. I was so unhappy before, I used to dread coming home each evening, wondering what frame of mind he would be in when he got in from the pub, dreading the weekend even more but unlike you I didn't have to pluck up the courage to leave luckily. I have been worried about you especially with the bank holiday weekend coming up soon, please keep yourself and your children safe and please, please get yourself and your children out of there. I know that the first step is the hardest but this time next year you will look back and wonder why you didn't do it sooner. You and your children deserve to be happy stars xxxxxxxxxx

Afternoon Stars, hope that you're having a productive day and get to speak to both WA and DreadPirate.

Hi,the children have been playing outside so managed to speak WA.
They gave me lots of information and disussed my options.
they said they did'nt have a room in my area at the moment but would do in 2 weeks time.
The other option would be the council re housing me as I would be homeless.She seemed pretty they would do that

tried dreadpirate a moment ago but no answer,will try again.

PMSL will email you now.

Afternoon Stars - Looks like your having a productive day. How are you feeling today?

Muppets-am feeling fairly positive today although a bit apprehensive that I did'nt orgainise a card or presents for H's birthday.

Just hope he is ok with that and as I said before plan to take the children to buy him something tomorrow.

Hi,

As long as he's got something from the kids don't worry.

Have you phoned the council about homeless housing? as I saw above WA doesn't have anything for 2 weeks

How did you feel when WA said they had nothing for two weeks, Stars?

Disappointed or relieved?

Hope today continues to go well for you.

I have an appointment with housing in 2 weeks time,the quickest appointment I could get.
They did say they could sort out private renting for me which would be quicker as they properties available on their books.

Got your email, will mail you back with some options!

Like BalloonSlayer says how did you feel when they said they had nothing for 2 weeks?

How do you feel about going into private renting?

x posts balloonslayer-to be honest a bit of both.
Am still debating the whole private renting thing.

In talking to the lady from WA I can tell I am still have issues with the betrayal of H thing.
Also that other people are in far worse situations than me and do I warrant this.
SHe kept assuring me that my situation definetly does'nt warrant this.
Also that I have been conditioned to feel guilty and feel it is all my fault.

Listen to what she is saying, no-one deserves this.

PMSL-Thanks

I suspose I am thinking with private renting I can take more of the childrens and my personnal things with me.
Also I would not have to get into the whole messy situation of the abuse.
I could just move in.
Not sure how that works as far as sorting out benefits etc to pay rent before I moved in but the lady from the council said she would talk me through it.

They will help you out as fast as they can with regards to benefits. they were good to me before.

Stars - sorry I missed your call - have emailed you - joys of easter hols...

Re private renting - would you feel safe doing this? You say you wouldn't have to address the abuse, but would this give you the security you need that H can't take your children, or come round and scream at the new house, or whatever?

Does someone here have current knowledge of the sort of safeguards Stars will need, in terms of injunctions etc?

Stars: I appreciate that you don't want to admit in public that your partner is an alcoholic arsehole who is dangerously abusive but I think you really need to get it on record that he is so that you will have protection from him when you leave. Men as unstable as him become very, very dangerous when women find the strength to leave: such men may attempt to assault the woman and even to kill the children. SO you need it officially recorded that he is violent, threatening, and an alcoholic, and that he is only to be permitted supervised contact, and not allowed in your house.

OK, email sent, have to go and buy the starving hordes food lol but back soon if you need me.

Stars I can absolutely understand your reluctance to air the details of the abuse. I am wondering whether you fear some kind of retaliation from H's family??

The thing is, that without 'officialdom' properly notified of the abuse and of the situation you are in, I suspect that one or more probably all of the following things will happen.

Your H will find out where you are.
Your H will come to your new home and subject you to ongoing abuse.
You will never fully acknowledge what he has done and is doing to you as abuse.

You will therefore still be vunerable to his brainwashing and control. The duty that you feel towards him still is what is holding you back from exposing him as the dangerous, violent, alcoholic coward that he is. You may very well end up moving back 'home' to him because there will be no-one and nothing to protect you.

Try looking at it this way.
You feel that you have a duty towards him as his wife. Use it this way.

Report him, go to WA and expose him for what he is. The fact that other people will be telling him he is an abuser MAY make him face up to reality and get help to sort himself out. You have this opportunity to give him one final chance to have a shot at being a better father to your children. If you just move out and don't expose him in public then you will never give him that opportunity and he will always be the useless, drunken, violent, unreliable shit of a man who was ranting in your downstairs cloakroom last night.

I'm sorry if all that seems very harsh, but you MUST get it on record that he is violent and abusive - for his sake as much as your's and the children's.

A friend of mine suffered emotional abuse at the hands of her husband.

They finally broke up because HE was having an affair.

He still comes to her house, peers through her windows and phones her to tell her that she is a useless mother because her house is untidy and he is going to go to court to take the children off her.

Every time he does this she nearly has a nervous breakdown, even though (I don't wish to reveal any more details as it's not my story to tell) anyone can see that a) he doesn't really want the children, and b) he would never get them anyway. My friend is too scared to be able to think like that.

Sorry to worry you, but that is the future I can see for you if you protect him by not telling the important agencies of his alcoholism, threats and abuse.

If it makes you feel bad just keep remembering that you will be doing him a favour too... (if that makes sense??)
xx

Please do tell people how abusive he is. You need it recorded!!

Thinking of you. (((((((HUGS)))))

Oh and you're absolutely right about having been conditioned to feel guilty - but that also means that over time you can become "unconditioned" (if that's a word) and enjoy life again. You so deserve to and your children deserve a happy mummy!!

Is this going past 1000 posts?