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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to detest those who think they are superior beings because they were lucky enough to have a natural birth

215 replies

Reallytired · 15/03/2009 11:27

My son was born naturally, but my second is currently stuck in a transverse position. I am trying everything to get bump to turn, but if it is not sucessful its looks like I will have to have a c-section. In many ways I feel disappointed if I have to have a c-section, but I will still feel proud of myself.

If you go into labour with a transverse lie then there is very little to you can do to deliver naturally. It does not matter how much whale music or however many doulas or independent midwives you employ. My waters broke at 36 weeks last time so this is why am a little concerned. The local hospital is not prepared to try and turn the baby before 38/39 weeks.

I know that it is possible to a have a vaginal breech birth, but with a transverse presentation, its just not going to happen.

I am still hoping bump will turn, but the experience is making realise that a lot in childbirth is complete and utter luck. You can try everything suggested on the internet, but there are times when the baby is stubborn.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 15/03/2009 11:29

i think you have started this debate before

i do agree with your last statement and of course, there is no way to deliver a transverse baby vaginally, and i would think every MW/Doula/birth activist would agree that a c.s is hte only route

not sure why you are attempting to denigrate those who have enjoyed their vaginal birth .

do we have to do this again??

WorzselMummage · 15/03/2009 11:30

I think detest is a strong word realy.

I have had a natural birth and an emergency section and honestly, i a proud as punch of myself for managing them both.Its just a different way of getting a baby out.

I wouldnt worry about it to much really, as you say there is nothing you can do about it.

CoteDAzur · 15/03/2009 11:31

Having had a natural birth, I can assure you there is nothing "lucky" about it.

Agony, lots of blood, stitches. Then pain as your body tries to put back the pieces of your delicate bits.

Nothing disappointing about c-section, imo. Count your blessings that your fanjo will be intact and the stitches will be on your tummy where they are easy to keep dry & clean.

MamaG · 15/03/2009 11:31

Have you done this before, as lulu said? I think you are setting yourself up for feeling shite about a CS. Don't make others feel bad though!

TotalChaos · 15/03/2009 11:32

do you have particularly insensitive friends/acquaintances who are likely to make negative comments about a section? just I have a pal who had 2 elective sections for health reasons and I couldn't give a flying fuck,and would never have dreamed of even having an opinion about it one way or the other.

edam · 15/03/2009 11:33

who says anyone thinks they are superior? Why do you feel the need to justify yourself? Especially when it's blindingly obvious that you need a C-section if baby doesn't shift?

FWIW I had a 'natural' birth in a midwife-led unit and spent most of the time demanding to be moved across the corridor to the hospital birth centre for an epidural... (didn't happen because they were short-staffed).

WorzselMummage · 15/03/2009 11:33

fwiw i felt better quicker after my emcs then i did after my really quick and straightforward VB.

Make the most of the situation i say..

Lulumama · 15/03/2009 11:35

i really have not met anyone in real life, and i hang aroudn with some proper birthy gurus, who have been anything other than utterly sympathetic and supportive to those who've had difficult/traumatic delvieries or have had to have c.sections for whatever reason

i really think if people are nasty to you, you hvae to take it up with them individually rather than tarring everyone with the same brush

for a lot of women, having whale music, a doula, using massage, yoga hypnobirthing etc , is a positive experience and even if the birth does not go to plan, they feel better about giving it all a try, than having not tried it.

violethill · 15/03/2009 11:35

I agree with the other posts.

As Cote says, there is nothing 'lucky' about a natural birth - it hurts like hell!

Sure, if you have a complication in your pregnancy, it may make a CSection medically necessary. I did too - my second baby had IUGR and I needed a section. Not a problem.

Seems like the OP is wanting other people to react in a negative way. Why?

RoseOfTheOrient · 15/03/2009 11:37

you see, your OP is very sensible and to-the-point, but the title is soooo provocative. Why?
So you think you yourself are a superior being because you had a vaginal birth the first time?
Oh, and I had two vaginal births with no pain relief and three hours labour or less for both....I am no more superior than anyone else.
And frankly, I never talk about my labours anymore any way (yonks ago). You will look back and wonder why you even gave it a second thought...
hope you have a great birth!

Lulumama · 15/03/2009 11:38

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=am_i_being_unreasonable&threadid=629472-to-think-that-having-a-drug-fre e-natural-child-birth#12818209

here is your last AIBU on similar lines

i am wondering what has happened to make you so upset/ defensive about your birth choices and experiences, and why you feeel the need to project that onto pretty much everyone else?

MamaG · 15/03/2009 11:41

Agree that OP doesn't really go with title. I don't feel smug about my first two (V) births and I've never come across anybody who did!

I had a difficult birth with emCS with third baby and not ONCE have I flet anybody looked down their nose at me becuase I had a cs. Not once. I think you are seeing things that aren't there RT

bronze · 15/03/2009 11:41

Does that mean I'm superior being over myself? I've had two natural births a crash section and am looking at another section. Does that mean I hate myself, am confused or actually just don't give a damn how people give birth as long as they and the baby are ok.

bronze · 15/03/2009 11:41

Just seen link I missed that thread. Off to read it.

bronze · 15/03/2009 11:43

Or maybe not. Just seen how long it is.

OP surely you've had enough responses in the past then?

Lulumama · 15/03/2009 11:44

unless th title is just to draw people in for a big bunfight..

Gmarksthespot · 15/03/2009 11:44

I don't think I am superior because I had natural births. I do feel lucky that everything went well for me.

Would you prefer I feel bad about it? They don't call it labour for nothing

You sound like you are the one with the issue about having a c-section. You should focus on the new little baby you are about to have. How he/she makes their entrance into the world really does not matter.

I hope it all goes well for you.

Pruners · 15/03/2009 11:45

Message withdrawn

violethill · 15/03/2009 11:45

Absolutely bronze. Many of us have experienced very differing births.

I am proud that I delivered my first baby naturally- and I'm not going to apologise for that - it does not mean that I am 'superior' to anyone, simply that I felt empowered and in awe of my body.

I am grateful for the fact that my second baby's life was saved by the technology which picked up her IUGR and allowed a CSection to take place.

I really don't get what the OP is trying to do here, other than maybe air her own unresolved issues publicly.

mrsdisorganised · 15/03/2009 11:52

Well I've never been 'lucky' enough to go through a natural birth (i have 4dcs) and tbh the only thing that mattered to me, and still does, is that my babies and I are safe and well.....my sis and mum, on the other hand have managed to have all their babies naturally (no drugs, and a couple of home births!), but I have never felt that they feel 'superior' because of this.... we're all very blessed to have our babies however they entered the world!

PinkTulips · 15/03/2009 11:56

yes i'm proud of myself for giving birth naturally, that doesn't mean i feel superior to those who didn't, in fact i'm in awe of the way cs ladies cope after the birth as they have alot more to contend with healing wise and mobility wise than most women who have natural births

at least you know in advance you're having a cs and it'll be a calm, unpaniced elective. how would you feel if those woman who've endured the utter horror of a crash cs came on here and told you they despised you simply for the mehod by which you bring life into the world?

get a grip, if you're having trouble coming to grips with the thought of a cs that's understandable and there are plenty of woman who'd be happy to help.... being rude and vindictive straight off the bat isn't going to find you many of them though

2shoes · 15/03/2009 12:07

what an odd thread
I have 2 such births
ds was forceps and dd nearly died and now has severe cp.

mrsruffallo · 15/03/2009 12:11

I don't know anyone that thinks they are superior because of having natural birth.
Emotions range from relief, pride, happiness to disappointment and anger, but superiority I don't think so

PuppyMonkey · 15/03/2009 12:12

I think yabu to use the word "detest" in such a provocative way in the title.

Lizzylou · 15/03/2009 12:14

I really don't care how women deliver their babies, truly. How we parent our DC is far more important.

I had two ventouses, almost had a emcs with DS1 and was in agony after DS2 due his size and number of stitches. My friend had barely a tear but was left traumatised and in shock as her labour was very quick and intense. Another friend has had 3 planned C/S's as she has a back problem. We are all mothers, who cares how our DC arrived here?

Al our experiences are different, there is no "easy option" and I have never heard anyone in RL suggest they were superior because they had a natural birth, ever.