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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to detest those who think they are superior beings because they were lucky enough to have a natural birth

215 replies

Reallytired · 15/03/2009 11:27

My son was born naturally, but my second is currently stuck in a transverse position. I am trying everything to get bump to turn, but if it is not sucessful its looks like I will have to have a c-section. In many ways I feel disappointed if I have to have a c-section, but I will still feel proud of myself.

If you go into labour with a transverse lie then there is very little to you can do to deliver naturally. It does not matter how much whale music or however many doulas or independent midwives you employ. My waters broke at 36 weeks last time so this is why am a little concerned. The local hospital is not prepared to try and turn the baby before 38/39 weeks.

I know that it is possible to a have a vaginal breech birth, but with a transverse presentation, its just not going to happen.

I am still hoping bump will turn, but the experience is making realise that a lot in childbirth is complete and utter luck. You can try everything suggested on the internet, but there are times when the baby is stubborn.

OP posts:
JazzHands · 15/03/2009 12:21

YANBU to feel annoyed at people who bang on about natural birth without pain relief as the pinnacle of female achievement when in reality it is not realistic/possible for the majority of women.

YABU to say you detest them without saying exactly who you are talking about. Is there a specific person making you feel bad? Or do you feel bad about it because you used to be one of them?

diedandgonetodevon · 15/03/2009 12:34

Detest? What's got your goat?

I had a c-section as DS was stuck fast and have never met anyone who came across as considering themselves superior for having a natural birth.

If you come out of it with a lovely, snuggly baby then you have had a successful birth haven't you? Who really cares how it was born- I certainly don't.

Pruners · 15/03/2009 12:35

Message withdrawn

tengreenbottles · 15/03/2009 12:35

Well i had two natural births and i am a totally crap mother

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 15/03/2009 12:39

Who are these people of whom you speak? I have had three natural births but it never occurred to me that it was down to any superior attributes on my part. I think it may be you yourself who has ishoos about this - of course "a lot in childbirth is complete and utter luck" how could anybody think otherwise. The fact that safe intervention such as CS is now possible means that maternal death is no longer a routine hazard of childbirth (in industrialised countries at least) and as such should be a cause for celebration rather than something to be ashamed about having had.

PinkTulips · 15/03/2009 12:41

i think jazzhands has just figured it out

classic case of projection, the op probably felt smug and superior after her previous birth and is having diffiulty dealing with the prospect of this cs as by her own standards that makes her inferior in the birthing stakes (because obviously delivering a child into the world safely is a competition )

what she is failing to realise is that most of us don't feel superior, lucky yes if all went relatively well, but not superior.

OrmIrian · 15/03/2009 12:44

If I ever met anyone who really thought they were superior beings for such a stupid reason I would probably dislike them a little too (I think detest is a trifle OTT ) But I never have and I suspect that is because they don't exisy.

Why such vitriol reallytired?

Pruners · 15/03/2009 12:46

Message withdrawn

wotulookinat · 15/03/2009 12:47

I have to say that I do agree somewhat with the original poster. My son was born by ventouse, and I have come across a few people (only a few mind) who have said words to the effect 'oh dear, nevermind, maybe you can have a natural birth next time' or 'so you didn't really actually give birth then'.

Mind you, what pisses me off more is the people who look down because I was unable to breastfeed for long due to medication I was given - but that's a whole different argument!

Mumcentreplus · 15/03/2009 12:54
Hmm
AitchTwoOh · 15/03/2009 12:59

pro-ject-tioooooooooooon. detest, lol.

i've had a natural(ish) first birth in hospital, it was great. then a caesarean because the baby had stopped growing and was at high risk of stillbirth. preferred the vb, but prefer having dd2 alive more. so... meh.

scienceteacher · 15/03/2009 13:07

I must be super-superior because I had a breech baby naturally

Honestly, you are being unreasonable. I don't think many women who have birth naturally feel superior - they are just thankful that they were able to get their informed choice and had good support from HCPs, and family and friends.

It's a very petty thing to get worked up about.

AitchTwoOh · 15/03/2009 13:09
cilitbang · 15/03/2009 13:12

Be it by plane, train, car or bus. Its just a means of transport. Just as long as you get them here safe and sound who gives a shit? Take any comments that make you 'detest' these people with a large pinch of salt to go nicely with that chip on you shoulder and put as much effort as you can into being the best mummy that you can. ps: I've had a CS and VBAC and both were amazing, magical experiences that were hard work and hurt like hell! I consider my self very lucky indeed because my babies arrived safe and sound so I couldn't have cared less how they got here.

JazzHands · 15/03/2009 13:13

But cilitbang people who walk or cycle would be far superior to those using the forms of transport you mentioned

scienceteacher · 15/03/2009 13:16

But what if they had broken their leg. Walkling or cycling would probably not be options for them. They would have to do whatever was best for them at the time.

Which is what we all do.

Peachy · 15/03/2009 13:19

I don't understand why people who have a c-se fafeel they ahve failed or people are putting them down. Just because I loved my vaginal births doesn't mean I think badly of c-sections; any more than loving my long hair means I think badly of people with short hair. It's just been the right thing for me.

I think there probably is a bit of projection here I really do, but also there's a hint of an idea that having a lucky birth defines very much at all. I had lucky births but have had lots of bad lucjk elsewhere (4 counts of hyperemesis, eclampsia with ds1, 2 autistic kids, a dh who hads meantal health worries...). Really, birth is but one thing in our lives, it really is.

JazzHands · 15/03/2009 13:20

Ah well that's where you're wrong. The people who had broken their legs had obviously been negligent in some way and should in fact drag themselves to their desination while being occasionally kicked/berated by able bodied types.

if they ended up having to get the bus then they would have let everybody down, not least themselves.

ahfeckit · 15/03/2009 13:24

I had a vaginal birth but it certainly wasn't an easy one, very long and drawn out (thought I'd never give birth!), so I really can't see what all this fuss is about. As others have already pointed out, as long as baby gets here safely then there's no need to worry about having a c section. I would have taken one gladly, it would have saved a 3rd degree tear...

cyteen · 15/03/2009 13:30

i generally detest people who think they are superior beings. don't meet many, though.

LackaDAISYcal · 15/03/2009 13:31

where oh where has the OP gone?

What an odd inflammatory title considering your OP is reasonably well balanced.

i had an emCS after a very difficult labour, then an elective CS and then finally an assisted vaginal birth.

I feel very pleased with myself for achieving a vaginal delivery
after two sections and would even go as far as to say I feel quite smug about it (inspite of the stitches and the ongoing continence issues 19 weeks later), but that is not at the expense of anyone who has had a CS for whatever reason. It is to do with my belief in myself for having the confidence to attempt it (with my doula at my side ) and the great sense of achievement for doing it on gas and air up until the point when it was apparent that baby was stuck and i was given an epidural incase a section was required.

and I have never met anyone who looked down on women for having a CS for whatever reason, be it by necessity or choice.

I hope your baby turns though and you can come to terms with whatever issues you have surrounding your own birth choices.

cilitbang · 15/03/2009 13:32

A C-section can be a beautiful, beautiful birth too. Anyone who hasn't had one probably doesn't realise this, and thinks the mother is missing out somewhat - not so! My DD's birth by cs was amazing, so moving, DH & cuddled her and bonded with her the whole time while they stitched me up. Emotionally it was everything I could have wished for from a birth. DS's VBAC was amazing too but I must say i was just so exhausted and glad it was over by the time he finally came out. Anyone due to have a C-section, you will be pleasantly surprised, I certainly was.

littlelamb · 15/03/2009 13:32

I don't think I am a 'superior being' but I will tell anyone who asks how much I enjoyed ds's birth, which was so different to the induced nightmare that was my labour with dd. It's not being smug. I know the feeling I had after ds was born was utter elation. No other way of describing it. But attitudes like the OP make me want to keep quiet about it in case it does come across as smug. Which tbh is why ime all you hear as a first time mother are the horror stories And yes I am sorry for those who don't have a good experience. Certainly after I had dd I didn't think it was possible to have a 'nice' experience of childbirth. Both dc were posterior fwiw, dd didn't turn, ds did. I hope yours still has time to turn and that you do have a good experience this time

JazzHands · 15/03/2009 13:33

IME it's women who have had CS that beat themselves up about it, not people they talk to that say anything, which is really sad.

My friend had a CS and still says she is "disappointed" 2 years on

conniedescending · 15/03/2009 13:37

what an odd thread

I love giving birth, I'm good at it, never tear, dialate quickly, never need pain relief, recover quickly. This is totallyu luck of the draw

  • but on the negative side I have terrible pregnancies with anaemia so bad it requires blood transfusions, pre-eclampsia, morning sickness until 20 weeks plus.............I don't detest those lucky enough to have straightforward preganancies!

swings and roundabouts

OP you have ishoos that need addressing. Not us natural birthers fault that you may require a csec!