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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to detest those who think they are superior beings because they were lucky enough to have a natural birth

215 replies

Reallytired · 15/03/2009 11:27

My son was born naturally, but my second is currently stuck in a transverse position. I am trying everything to get bump to turn, but if it is not sucessful its looks like I will have to have a c-section. In many ways I feel disappointed if I have to have a c-section, but I will still feel proud of myself.

If you go into labour with a transverse lie then there is very little to you can do to deliver naturally. It does not matter how much whale music or however many doulas or independent midwives you employ. My waters broke at 36 weeks last time so this is why am a little concerned. The local hospital is not prepared to try and turn the baby before 38/39 weeks.

I know that it is possible to a have a vaginal breech birth, but with a transverse presentation, its just not going to happen.

I am still hoping bump will turn, but the experience is making realise that a lot in childbirth is complete and utter luck. You can try everything suggested on the internet, but there are times when the baby is stubborn.

OP posts:
Stayingsunnygirl · 15/03/2009 13:45

JazzHands - I think you've hit the nail on the head. In my experience, the person who's best at making me feel bad about things I've done/not done, is me!! And I am really good at it too. I managed to make myself feel bad about failing to breastfeed, not using terry nappies and not using cottonwool and water instead of babywipes - and that was just in the first few weeks of ds1's life!

Clearly there are people who will make crass comments to other people about their choices (like the comments quoted by wotulukinat), whatever those choices may be, and it can be very difficult not to take these comments personally.

JazzHands · 15/03/2009 13:52

connie I know what you're saying, and your pgs sound awful, but by saying that you are "good" at birth it kind of means the rest of us who don't meet your experience ie most of us are bad at it. Which I suppose is sort of what the OP was getting at.

flaminhell · 15/03/2009 13:53

I think detest is a strong word. I have had 2 c sections, both not planned one an emergency, the other was always a possibility.

I know it must be dissapointing if you have had a birth planned in your mind, and now feel a little cheated, I know, (2 sections), but the most important part is being missed.

I may have had 2 sections, had to throw my dream of labour and birthing my child through my own gusto, but what I did have was 2 live births, and without the sections there is no way my dc's would have survived.

So no,I detest no one, do I envey any one, no, do I wish for labour no, I have my children, I would have been happy if they had pulled them outta my ear tbh.

Sections hurt, they are a labour in themselves, they take courage and time to heal from. Some people, mainly those who have never experienced them may look down their noses at us "to posh to push types", but they are fools, giving birth is about new life, and if thats the safest way for mother an child, then bringing life into this world will win evertytime.

Good luck.

conniedescending · 15/03/2009 14:02

I think it's a matter of semantics jazzhands - by saying good at it, I mean my body is good at it. My body is bad at being pg....doesn't seem to agree with me at all

I don't think we should catergorise giving birth into sucess and failure but picking me up for saying I'm good at giving birth is a bit nit picky..........
It's only like saying one is good at running (which incidentally I am awful at).

Pruners · 15/03/2009 14:02

Message withdrawn

JazzHands · 15/03/2009 14:06

True connie, but it would be more like saying you were good at running in a roomful of people with mobility problems.

Just trying to point out that it's the little things that people pick up on which result in the negative feelings that a lot of people end up with.

conniedescending · 15/03/2009 14:17

I see where you are coming from but have to disagree. Me being 'good' at birth is my opinion of my experience. I could say I have had easy births or I enjoyed giving birth or had a problem free birth but someone will pick fault with that. It's not my issue - it's the other persons and I can dress up what I mean any way there is but it won't change how another person feels about their experience.

I am very envious when I hear of people sailing though pregnancy, every mw appointment going ok, no prolonged consultants visits, no constant blood testing etc etc.........but I don't feel lie I have failed or inferior when people talk about blooming in pg or glowing or nesting.

luck of the draw

TheProvincialLady · 15/03/2009 14:27

I have had both experiences - a traumatic, agonising, medicalised ventouse birth and a home water birth which was only painful for about 5 minutes. After the first birth it was all could think about for a long time and I felt so envious of anyone who had had a straightforward birth. After the second birth I felt very proud of myself for about a week, but I can't say I have given it a lot of thought since. It is very unlikely that anyone is deliberately trying to make you feel bad about having a c section or a medicalised birth - it is all about your own feelings.

I think it is the same when people have had awful experiences of breast feeding - it feels like everyone who sails through it is making a point of showing you what a failure you are. Again having experienced that and also the other side of the coin where everything is easy, I know that it is almost always just about your own feelings. TBH I don't think most people even care about other people's births/feeding that much.

violethill · 15/03/2009 14:30

Where is the OP?

WinkyWinkola · 15/03/2009 14:31

Reallytired, as you say, you should be proud of yourself regardless how you deliver your baby.

I've never met anyone who thinks they are superior because they have had a natural birth.

I've met lots of people who feel a failure because they haven't had one. But I think that's more about those people themselves rather than those who've had a natural birth.

theDreadPiratePerArdua · 15/03/2009 14:36

YABU. I had a crash CS myself, family and friends had vaginal births, just seems like a different flavour of hell to me.

Why the fuss about delivery anyway? Even if you're very lucky it's 3 days out the 9 or 10 months of pregnancy, and the (hopefully) decades you get to be a mother. Unless you're deliberately putting a baby at risk by having an early CS/tummy tuck combo, IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER!

JazzHands · 15/03/2009 14:36

We'll have to agree to disagree there. I was lucky enough to have no trouble with BF, but I am aware that many people have a lot of difficulty.

When asked I always say that I was very lucky that it was OK.

I wouldn't say that it worked because I was good at it, for all the reasons given earlier.

Ronaldinhio · 15/03/2009 14:37

meh

mm22bys · 15/03/2009 14:45

What's worse IMO is those who take drs' word that they "have to have" a c-section because the baby is too "big".

I know some people see drs as the experts and they may have had a "troublesome" pregnancy so all they want out of it is a baby, regardless of how it gets here, but to me it's a really lame excuse for a c-section....

All the best with your impending arrival, however s/he gets here...

mm22bys · 15/03/2009 14:46

Especially if things like the position of the baby, position of labour, are not even considered!

thumbwitch · 15/03/2009 14:52

can't actually see the relationship between your thread title and your op.
If you are sad that you may not be able to deliver naturally, that is ok. If you are envious of other mothers who have managed to do so, that is also ok.

It is not ok for people who have managed to deliver naturally to denigrate those who didn't, for whatever reason (i.e. consider themselves "superior beings") and I would be pretty peed off if anyone did that - I wouldn't detest them.

So on the whole, your thread is U.

Hope your baby turns naturally - have you tried reflexology? It has been known to help.

Lulumama · 15/03/2009 15:04

these threads seem to show time and time again, that these women who scorn others for 'failing' to deliver in a certain prescribed way, do not exist.

so kind of self defeating thread

ahfeckit · 15/03/2009 15:18

I wouldn't say i was good at giving birth personally, I'd say I got through it - just!! I was so glad it was all over, that I didn't really have time to savour the moment and enjoy it like others have. Nothing to be smug about sadly. And that's vag birth and how i personally experienced it.
I did envy people who said that they loved every moment of it though, and got all emotional. The only thing I was emotional about was how bloody sore I was down below after the tear, my mind couldn't concentrate on my new baby that had just been born. So honestly, how ever we give birth, it can be the best experience for some, and the worst for others, c section or otherwise.

Peachy · 15/03/2009 16:45

FWIOW RT I wuld ahve much preferred a c-s with ds1; only reason I didnt have onme is that they lost my bloods and I was eclamptic they couldn't risk it (worried about a potentially fatal syndrome called HELLP). By the time they did them again I had done my usual 5-10 cm in one jump thing and he was born, but not before his heart had droppeddangerously adn I will never know the link etwen that and his SN. I suspect there is one.

I actually think c-sections are a marvel. Bet the people in Malawi etc would agree also.

MrsMattie · 15/03/2009 16:47

The only women I've veer heard talk fraff about 'natural birth' are first time expectant mums (I was one of them, so not having a dig). Once you've given birth - however you've managed it - I think you mainly have respect for all women who have done it too, no matter how they've done it. I know that's how I feel.

FairLadyRantALot · 15/03/2009 17:04

detest...really...

tbh, I was very happy, not necessarily proud, when giving Birth to es and ms naturaly (well, with the aid of some lovely gas and air)...I was devestated when I had a C-section with ys...it wasn't what I wanted...that was all...tbh, giving Birth by C-section is far harder than having a natural Birth, well in my case it was....so, if I wanted a medal, I would want it for having a C-section....but tbh...it isn't about this...
you seem to have issues op...

FairLadyRantALot · 15/03/2009 17:07

oh, and defientely nothing to do wiht being good at it....it is pure luck...otherwise it would simply not make sense that ds3 would have been the C-section...I doubt my "Birthingskills" detiriorated over the years...

MarlaSinger · 15/03/2009 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMattie · 15/03/2009 17:36

This is all so childish. It's a non-conversation. Please - get over it!

violethill · 15/03/2009 17:38

I agree MrsMattie.

OP - did you want to actually debate whether YABU or did you just want to be very critical of other mothers and then run for the hills?

Because the only person who has slated anyone else on this thread is you!