...to want to stop being friends with someone because she's sending her dc to private school?

[Rosy]

I've been friends with someone for a few years, and even though she's very posh herself (big house, privately educated etc.) she's always told me how committed she is to the state system. Now it comes to it though, she's decided to send dc to private school. Her catchment school is about as good as you can get (taking, as it does, the children of other people in big houses), so she doesn't have the excuse of "I'm not prepared to sacrifice my child's education for politics" thing. The thing is, she's not the kind of person I would normally be friends with, but I put aside the prejudices I would normally have because we discussed this, and she agreed with me that it's unfair to buy your child an advantage like this. Now I feel like I've been stupid and I should have gone with my prejudices all along.

Yes, YABU. And ridiculous.

Yes, what a good idea go along with your prejudices and get out of her life.

I think it sounds like YABU.

YABVU and shallow.

You sound as bad as each other to be honest. No, actually, inverted snobbery is probably worse.

Are you really friends?

It's her choice, and none of your business. YABU and a bit immature about it.

You should be friends with her for the person she is, not where she sends her children.

Yanbu. Dump her.

You sound very silly

YABU and not much of a friend.

TBH though maybe she is better off if yu decide you no longer want to be friends with her over such a matter.

I use private education for my DD. I work int he state sector. Lots of my friends 9and DD's friends) use the state sector. It has never been an issue, despite at least one of our friends being against the idea of private education in principle - for him this is the right decision; he accepts that we, as being not him, the decision is ours to make.

Fortunately our friends didn't just desert us when our choices differed.

Being prejudiced is not actually good you know!

I don't think YABU necessarily.

The key question is - do you like her? Are you good friends? If you are, then these sort of things can be overcome. If you had your doubts about her anyway, then this might be the last straw in demonstrating how different you are.

But then that would mean it's not about the private school issue per se, but runs deeper than that.

YABU if it's just this.

If other stuff has been grating on you and this is the final straw IYSWIM then fair enough.

Out of interest would you send your DC to a private school if you were a squillionaire and the local school was dreadful, or are you utterly pro the state system on political grounds?

Just that if it's the second thing then you may be idealogically far apart on otehr issues as well so a friendship may founder before it becomes too close anyway.

YABU, and as MrsMattie says, ridiculous! She is the same person-I don't see what the DCs school has to do with it.I don't choose a friend because I have set views on how they should behave, and it is even worse to have set views on what they should think. People change their minds. Variety is the spice of life!

being friends with someone isn't, imho, a yes-no on-off all-or-nothing thing. at least not when you're an adult. we all change. friendships strengthen, and sometimes they weaken. sometimes we feel a bit let down, or disappointed - quite often disappointed in our own judgment. the school thing bothers you. it's one less thing you;ve got in common than you thought you had. it's not unreasonable of you to allow this to affect your friendship. it is, imo, unreasonable of you to use it to terminate your friendship. terminating friendships belongs in the play ground, or in the realms of real betrayal.

Troll. No one is that vapid.

Are you secretly jealous?

So you were friends because of a shared ideology and you put aside your prejudice of her because of that ?

Did you empathise with each other, laugh, (maybe cry), have fun, chat over a coffee, did you LIKE her ?

Actually, don't bother answering. If you were my "friend" I wouldn't miss you at all.

Sounds a bit of an extreme reaction if you really value her as a friend. People change, especially when it comes to making choices for their children, so I wouldn't take whatever she told you x time ago as some kind of premeditated dishonesty. If you really value her as a friend, this change of mind won't be a major problem. If it is, then I would suspect that there is more to your wish to cut your friendship with her than her choice of education.

How does it even matter where someone sends their kids? how odd.

I'm with Boobz.

If you were genuinely friends with her, her change of mind wouldnt bother you

IMHO you cant have liked her much in the first place

YABU

Ingles2 - please, can it be possible to say that you are idealogically opposed to private schooling without having the "are you jealous?" line trotted out.

Sorry, thats an aside. Its not my thread.

Yes.

Prejudices are always better ditched.

As long as she doesn't spend the next few years telling how shit the state system is and how you are failing your DC

Why did she change her mind, do you know?

I can understand why this is a big issue, as it might reveal more fundamental differences that you might have glossed over.

I would evaluate the other areas of your friendship before making a decision.

Wow - that was quick. 20 messages in 10 mins? I suppose, as Hatwoman says, I'm disappointed in my own judgement. And that she's being hypocritical.

So, er, anyway. Looks like I am then.