...to want to stop being friends with someone because she's sending her dc to private school?

[Rosy]

I've been friends with someone for a few years, and even though she's very posh herself (big house, privately educated etc.) she's always told me how committed she is to the state system. Now it comes to it though, she's decided to send dc to private school. Her catchment school is about as good as you can get (taking, as it does, the children of other people in big houses), so she doesn't have the excuse of "I'm not prepared to sacrifice my child's education for politics" thing. The thing is, she's not the kind of person I would normally be friends with, but I put aside the prejudices I would normally have because we discussed this, and she agreed with me that it's unfair to buy your child an advantage like this. Now I feel like I've been stupid and I should have gone with my prejudices all along.

yes u r!!! i think its totally up to her what she does with her own child if she has the money and wants to do it so what,
if u r thinking of not being friends because of this ur obviously not close. so yeah dont bother.

i see ur point about state ed etc, but everyone entitled to change their mind.

YABU. Private shcool is not necessarily an advantage. See my thread that annoyed lots of people.

omg you are namechecking yourself.Vain,moi?

I think I would have thought in my youth, when I was even more radically lefty than I am now, that I wouldn't be friends with someone who did - however now I know several people who do or will, and I haven't cut off friendships over it.

I do still have a problem with it myself, but my own DP would consider it and I think I have to admit that there are some circumstances (eg no acceptable state options at all, bullying or special needs problems, or a particular talent) where even I might see it as an option, if my child was really suffering.

(Actually, someone sending their child to a faith school is more of an issue for me. I might stay friends with them but I would have very little respect for them. To me letting children be indoctrinated with religion in an educational context is just wrong, wrong, wrong.)

Trying to turn the convo away from this private school one all over again!

Yes vain but mitigation is no-one knows what name I'm checking as I was someone else then

25% edinburgh secondary pupils attend private school lots of private schools in edinburgh area

YABU its her choice where she sends her child to be educated not yours, thats a private matter. Doesnt seem like you view your friendship very highly.

At least she is leaving a place at the local state school for someone who cannot afford to go private.
It wouldn't bother me tbh.

YABU. You don't be friends with someome according to where they send their childen to school.

YABU! And daft! I went to private school, can see pluses and minuses, but my kids go to state school. one of my best friends sent her kids to private school. Do I give a toss? No! If that's the way she wants to spend HER money on something that I think I am getting a similar deal on for free, that is entirely up to her, and makes not a jot of difference to our friendship! She is doing what she thinks is right for her kids, as am I. Does it matter a fig that we have different ideas on the subject?

Really can't see why this would cause the irreparable breakdown of a friendship...unless of course this was all a wind up

It's horrible having to justify your (jointly made with DH/DP) choices over education to your friends and work colleagues.
It's their choice and should have no impact on your friendship unless she asks you to justify your choices.
Understandably, you feel that her wealth makes her choice more possible but from what you are saying, even with the available funds, your choice would be different to hers.

its her business if she wants to send her ratbag to private school...I would only care if I was paying!

Have you spoken to her about how you feel?..it shouldn't affect your friendship its her choice.

YANBU

Very sensible indeed

I don't like posh and rich people either

imagine posting i dont like neddy and poor people either.what wind and pish!.such inverted snobbery

How much effort do people actually put into thinking about these things?

Honestly. I had my children in Montessori, now I home-ed. I've just done whatever I felt would suit them best and what I could afford at the time. I'm amazed that I could 'lose friends' over this or that I'm making some political choice. Nah, I'm just doing what suits my family. You do what suits yours.

I feel really strongly about breastfeeding but I'm not going to shun all my friends who gave their baby a bottle. It's possible to separate ideological from practical without being a hypocrite. I live my ideologies as much as I can, I preach them in appropriate places, I discuss with friends who are interested and want to talk, but I'm not going to force my friends to abide by my ideologies.

On the other hand, it's hard if you feel strongly about something. Sometimes a small event can symbolise something that revolts you - I never felt quite the same about a friend who expressed a preference for fois gras. But I guess it was more about what that symbolised - shallowness and cruelty and I was surprised she was ok with that.

You have to draw a line though between people living their lives and doing something that you wouldn't do or don't personally like and between people doing something which you find absolutely abhorrent. If you really find private education abhorrent, then fair enough, but you're going to find yourself with a small group of friends.

Maybe you should remain friends with her children but shun this ghastly, thoughtless woman? Perhaps a brick through her window too; that should strike a powerful blow for the proletariat.

Are you prepared to fall out with all the mothers who pay for swimming/football/dance/ music lessons too.
There are many parents who can't afford these extra curricular activities which means those who can are giving their children an advantage over the others.
How far are you prepared to take this principle?