to leave my children for five weeks to sail across an ocean?

[joshandjamie]

My new year resolution was to make some time for me. I sort of meant doing the odd bit of exercise, nothing extreme. But then the opportunity came along for me to take part in an around the world yacht race and I signed up to do the first leg sailing from the UK to Brazil. This will take 5 weeks.

It is a MASSIVE challenge physically, mentally, logistically, financially and emotionally but I'm really keen to now do it and prove that it's possible to do something crazy for yourself even if you're a mum. My husband supports me every step of the way.

But my mother heartily disapproves. She feels that it will be very unfair on the children and that I'm wrong for doing it. I will have to get a nanny to look after them while I'm away because although my husband will be here, he works and will probably only see them just before bedtime and on weekends. My children are aged 3 and 5.

Is this an unreasonable thing to do?

PS - if you want to follow my blog on this it's www.moretolifethanlaundry.com

To answer some questions:

No, it's not a once in a lifetime thing. I could do it at some later point, assuming I got a spot. I just think that regardless of stage of life, there are always reaons for not doing something. Believe me, there are plenty of reasons over and above the children why doing this is crazy, but I just don't want to wake up in my 60s wondering where the hell my life disappeared to in amongst the laundry and packed lunches.

I don't have any family I can ask to look after them as none of them live in the country.

My husband knows he needs to be here for them and will endeavour to work from home as often as he can to be near them. I will absolutely ensure that they know and like the nanny. And I've already started preparing them for it.

To answer the question about what's so great about 'sailing across an ocean': it's not a leisurely cruise. It's a very tough race in which 10 boats sailed by novices (except for the skipper) face everything the ocean can throw at them. You work 4 hours on/4 hours off for 5 weeks solid. You are permantently wet, you don't get to shower, you eat tinned food. You burn about 5000 calories a day.

It's not a walk in the park. It is a challenge. I'm sorry to whoever it was who said they didn't like that I said I wanted to 'prove' something to myself. But it's true. I do want to challenge myself to something out of my ordinary day to day existence. It doesn't mean I don't love my children any less.

Of course you should go. My brother climbed everest a few years ago when his DD was 3, nobody battered an eyelid.
Your DC will be able to track your progress and learn all about adventure and personal achievment.
You are not selfish, nor irresponsible. Your DC will only benefit from it.
My DD and DN were thrilled when DB came back and bought them bits of the mountain, and are both very proud that he did something most people only dream of.
I only wish i had this kind of opportunity (although I doubt i would have the courage to see it through)

My dh wants to offroad cycle through central america, it is one of the most challenging bike rides on this planet.

He will be gone nearly 5 weeks.
Do I applaude him?
Do I approve?

Hell no.

Leaving young children behind for weeks while going off on "challenge" which could put yourself at risk, is not laudable. It is pretty selfish and silly.

Do it when your children are school age, when they dont need so much parental input. They will be with a stranger virtually all day, and only see their dad for a few minutes before bedtime, while mummy is off doing something really dangerous, cos she wanna prove she is more than "just" a mum. This is so sad.

Well go then.

Enjoy.

What do you want from us -- a sticker?

oh you miserable lot - where is your zest for life ?

"It doesn't mean I don't love my children any less. "

Very sad that you feel you have to say that. Makes me cross. That there's only one way of being a loving mother

Go for it j&j.

I just don't want to wake up in my 60s wondering where the hell my life disappeared to

You will probably have another 30 years at that point to do whatever the hell you like

I think this is a great thing to do if you need to - but I would think seriously about leaving a 3 year old with a new employee for this length of time

You don't have to wait until you are 60 - you could just as easily do this in 3 years, when they are both at school and more able to understand what is happening

If you have made your decision then go for it

But we can't all approve of your decision to make you feel better

good luck

I was a Global Challenge racer, pre-children.

I wouldn't do it now.

some parts of it are very dangerous (although UK to Brazil not the most dangerous, by any means) and yes, they are big boats and very sturdy, but that doesn't mean there aren't any hair-raising moments.

I can fully understand why you would want to do it (having been there), but I won't do anything like that again until my children are old enough to be at least a little self sufficient. but that is personal choice.

I also couldn't do it because of the length of time - I'm sure the girls would be ok for 5 weeks without me, but I'd be miserable, and I wouldn't want that to colour my "once in a lifetime" experience

Well said, MAS!

OP isn't asking for plaudits or approval for the sailing. She isn't saying 'look how brave I am'. She is asking if it is OK. Will her DC suffer. That is all.

Just wondering, will you have any contact with your children within the 5 weeks?
Also if an emergency happened or something really important regarding your children, how easy would it be to contact you and how easy would you be able to get back to your children?
I know the last question might sound a bit morbid, but just thinking practically

MAS just because we don't think this is a terrific idea means that we are dull people leading dull lives.

Just to clarify: They will be at school and preschool all day and will spend from 3pm till bedtime with the nanny. Their routine won't change, its just that it will be a nanny and not me that there.

I'm interested to see the split in opinion.

Go for it, sounds like an amazing opportunity and its 5 weeks not 5 years! it will fly by and with technology these days (tinternet, webcam) you could still talk to your dc every day

How exciting for you

echo that stuffitllama

I wouldn't do it, but that's not to say that it bothers me one way or the other if you do, so don't take that as me 'judging' you, will you?

The reason I wouldn't is of course I wouldn't want to leave them for 5 weeks - especially when they're so little AND I wouldn't be leaving them in the care of their other parent, but with a stranger I'd hired for the occasion. But more than that, it is about the risk. What if something happened to me? Unlikely perhaps, but not a chance I'd take. The sea is dangerous.

But you'll know better than me what the risk actually is, and it's a choice for you to make.

Yes - i can talk to the children from the boat although probably not daily. If something bad happened to the children, I have insurance to get me off the boat and home.

it's just that the disapprovers all sound so,well,disapproving...and perhaps a little envious that they don't have to opportunity to do something a bit exciting

Maybe you should of done it before you had children.

Oh an here, have a

right hang on - the oldest is 5 now.........so presumably already at school, either in reception, or Yr1 (depending on when their birthday is)

The youngest is 3, if they're not already at nursery (ie 4 before end of August) then they will be in September.

And just nosing at her blog - she's not really a "novice" sailor - if she's sailed around Port Elizabeth on a little sailboat I don't think she's going to be in much danger on whopping great clipper yacht

ahh - x posts with the OP about schools.