to leave my children for five weeks to sail across an ocean?

[joshandjamie]

My new year resolution was to make some time for me. I sort of meant doing the odd bit of exercise, nothing extreme. But then the opportunity came along for me to take part in an around the world yacht race and I signed up to do the first leg sailing from the UK to Brazil. This will take 5 weeks.

It is a MASSIVE challenge physically, mentally, logistically, financially and emotionally but I'm really keen to now do it and prove that it's possible to do something crazy for yourself even if you're a mum. My husband supports me every step of the way.

But my mother heartily disapproves. She feels that it will be very unfair on the children and that I'm wrong for doing it. I will have to get a nanny to look after them while I'm away because although my husband will be here, he works and will probably only see them just before bedtime and on weekends. My children are aged 3 and 5.

Is this an unreasonable thing to do?

PS - if you want to follow my blog on this it's www.moretolifethanlaundry.com

Yes, I would question a man leaving his young children with a stranger for 5 weeks, only seeing a parent just before bed, who wouldn't?

I wouldn't be impressed with a man doing it either.

Do it, you'll only regret it if you don't.

Life is for living, and whilst our DCs are a great part of our lives they are not the only part of it.

And children need you less at the age your DCs are than when they are teenagers, so no reason to hold back on going now.

Go for it. Lucky you!

Last month I was offered a free two-week 5 star caribbean cruise

said no

I just couldn't leave my little ones for that long

IMO the only real 'once in a lifetime opportunities' are the times you spend with your children

But it's a personal decision - you have to make the one that's right for you

Of course I would feel the same if it was a man. I would be incandescent if DH suggested doing something like that when you have 3 and 5 year old kids. If you want a challenge / adventure, couldn't you all travel somewhere really exotic together for a few weeks?

yabu
They are so young, they need their mum.

My DC are 4 and 6 and if I had been offered the trip of a lifetime a year ago then I would have gone.

I would prefer to leave my DC with Granny than a nanny, or at least let them have lots of contact with Granny/friends etc.

My DH only sees the DC for an hour in the evenings and at weekends (if that) but I don't feel that he has harmed them or his relationship wiht them.

And what's all this "once in a lifetime" thing? This race happens every year and is huge in terms of the number of entrants.

Haven't read the thrad - but can guess at most of the reponses.

So I'm going to go against the flow and said to go for it.

DO IT !!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes. This is not a once in a lifetime opportunity, you can sail across an ocean when they are older. You can do it next year or the year after. You can do it in five years or ten years, you can do it when you are sixty, you can do it whenever you want. But you want to do it now. Don't dress it up as a no choice thing.

I had to leave ds2 when he was 3 for a week as ds1 aged 4 had pneumonia and was in hospital. Granted he got rushed in hospital in the middle of the night so ds2 woke to find his nana and granddad there and no me or brother with no goodbye from me. However he is very close to my mum and dad and spent the week with them and he did visits us quite a bit in the hospital, and all my friends and family made a fuss of him and got him presents as well as his brother. Although I think he may of been jeaslous that ds1 had one and one time with me. However for the year after he had terrible tantrums and went very clingy, never wanted me to leave him. He was never like that before. Actually he is still quite clingy now. I believe children have complex minds. It is so easy to think they children will be fine and sometimes they do seem fine. But I think sometimes we need to stop and try and think things from a childs viewpoint. Five weeks does not seem a long time to an adult. Do you think it is the same for a child?
Will you have contact with them for the 5 weeks?
Is it a one in a life time thing, or is it something you can do in a few years time?

Basically, you want to do it more than you want to spend the time with your children. If you are happy about that then WOW GO FOR IT!!!

I am being sarcastic. In case you can't tell.

I'd the say the once in a lifetime thing comes about because she may not get another chance. Just because she's been offered an opportunity this time doesn't mean that if she signs up again she'll get a chance again.

Yes it's every year, yes there's lot of people, BUT there'll also be a LOT more people signing up than there are places for them to fill.

I think you should grab the opportunity now,even if it's something that can be done in a few years time,or next year, or whenever - who knows what might happen if you put it off (not wishing doom and gloom or anything) - it's only 5 weeks fgs

I will be honest. I would do it now - my children are 11, 9, 6 and would understand what I was doing and why. I am not totally sure I would have done it up until now. But if it is a once in a lifetime chance and you really want to do it - go for it. I understand why you are doing it - I have been bitten by the sailing bug myself and envy you deeply.

the children aren't babies either - I'd maybe not do it if they were tiny, but they're 3 and 5.

my dream is to climb Kilimanjaro (having had to rule out some of the other major peaks in the world due to the fact that I'll never have the level fitness required for them).

Yes I could wait until DS3 is 18..........but if an opportunity to do it came up next week then I'd do it in a shot.

5 weeks isn't forever, There are women working in the forces overseas who leave young children for longer periods!

OTOH I personally couldn't do it, but If it's going to change your perspective on life (unlikely that it won't) and you feel able to cope with being apart I don't think it will damage them in the longer yterm, expect a little bit of rejection when you first get home but othewise just preare your children well and GO FOR IT!!

You are not solely defined as a mother...

What's so flaming fantastic about a sailing trip anyway? Dull.

FAQ - an old college friend of mine climbed Kilimanjaro last year with his two dcs,the youngest was 12 I think and one of the youngest females to do it !

Go for it! Sounds a fantastic opportunity. Five weeks away will not cause them untold psychological harm.