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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my children for five weeks to sail across an ocean?

470 replies

joshandjamie · 26/02/2009 11:53

My new year resolution was to make some time for me. I sort of meant doing the odd bit of exercise, nothing extreme. But then the opportunity came along for me to take part in an around the world yacht race and I signed up to do the first leg sailing from the UK to Brazil. This will take 5 weeks.

It is a MASSIVE challenge physically, mentally, logistically, financially and emotionally but I'm really keen to now do it and prove that it's possible to do something crazy for yourself even if you're a mum. My husband supports me every step of the way.

But my mother heartily disapproves. She feels that it will be very unfair on the children and that I'm wrong for doing it. I will have to get a nanny to look after them while I'm away because although my husband will be here, he works and will probably only see them just before bedtime and on weekends. My children are aged 3 and 5.

Is this an unreasonable thing to do?

PS - if you want to follow my blog on this it's www.moretolifethanlaundry.com

OP posts:
Guadalupe · 26/02/2009 12:32

I left ds1 for nearly four weeks to go on a adventure when he was nearly three. It was very hard and I wouldn't do it again. I enjoyed it, mostly, and as long as I didn't think about him, but he didn't and I could have enjoyed it when he was older.

He was with his dad though. I don't think I could go for that long with a nanny. Will they have much time with her before you go?

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 26/02/2009 12:32

PuppyMonkey - not dull at all. I would give anything (well, a lot) to go along too.

stuffitllama · 26/02/2009 12:33

I'd forgotten about the women in the forces. Doesn't change my mind about a 5 week holiday but makes me think about those girls.

MaryAnnSingleton · 26/02/2009 12:33

puppymonkey - you do sound bitter- sailing across an ocean won't be dull by any means

FAQinglovely · 26/02/2009 12:33

hmm interesting MAS...........so if I start trainnig the DS's now to get their fitness levels up we could all do it in ermm.............10yrs time

chocolatedot · 26/02/2009 12:34

I know 5 or 6 people who've done this trip and there never seems to be a problem about getting a place.

Sassybeast · 26/02/2009 12:34

YABVU . You can do this when the kids are older and won't be so pyschologically damaged if one of them falls sick or is injured and cries for mummy.

MaryAnnSingleton · 26/02/2009 12:34

do you know, I don't think they trained as such - just did it !

Guadalupe · 26/02/2009 12:35

I wouldn't judge someone else for doing it, lord knows I was judged enough! But, my experience was that he was too young and it was something that could have waited a while.

PuppyMonkey · 26/02/2009 12:35

I'm not bitter at all. Just not impressed at all with the idea of this "adventure," as I said earlier. Do something more worthwhile for five weeks!

MaryAnnSingleton · 26/02/2009 12:36

why isn't it worthwhile though ? to do something for yourself I mean ?

FAQinglovely · 26/02/2009 12:37

ooo so if I started training them we could do it even earlier

I have bookmarks on my computer for how to book to climb it

Hawkmoth · 26/02/2009 12:37

Ah, they won't remember, but they WILL be proud and showing off the pictures for years and years to come!

Lucky you

Guadalupe · 26/02/2009 12:37

Also, dh took him on holiday with his parents to Ireland and his dad had a stroke and died on the beach, so it wasn't a great time for him. He was quiet and withdrawn for ages when I got back. This was unforseen circumstances obviously but the GUILT.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 26/02/2009 12:38

When DD was 6 I went to Uganda for 4 weeks to work in a very rural birthing unit. I'm sure some people thought I was terrible for going. However it hasn't scarred her, she's fine. I don't regret going. And I didn't speak to her for the whole 4 weeks!

MarlaSinger · 26/02/2009 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PuppyMonkey · 26/02/2009 12:41

Nothing wrong with doing something for yourself, but this is dangerous and, well, selfish!

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 26/02/2009 12:43

But doing something for yourself is, by definition, selfish Puppymonkey. And it isn't particularly dangerous. After all, driving is one of the most dangerous things you can do, but people do that every day and never think twice about the risks.

BitOfFun · 26/02/2009 12:45

I reckon go for it, especially if you can keep in touch sehow and be telling them about your adventures. As long as your husband and the nanny can be bright and upbeat about what you are doing and when you are coming back, it will be like a fantastic story with you as the heroine...it could turn out brilliantly. Parents, male and female often work away in the forces etc, and I doubt that if handled well it would do any lasting damage. Good luck!

FAQinglovely · 26/02/2009 12:45

I don't think it's particularly dangerous either, these are big yachts, not tiny little sail boats. There's an intensive training course before the race starts and the inexperience sailors are sailing with the professional skippers.

hertsnessex · 26/02/2009 12:45

Go, and enjoy. If its something you really feel passionately about then do it. x

stuffitllama · 26/02/2009 12:49

But with a nanny, not a Dad or another relative. A new nanny too.

If you want to go, go. But don't dress it up as something marvellous that is now or never and aren't you brave.

It's something challenging and fun that you could wait a few years to do if you wanted to. You don't want to wait, you want to do it NOW.

God knows I have dragged my children through enough experiences to know when I'm doing something for myself and when to be honest about it. I think most of us do.

FAQinglovely · 26/02/2009 12:49

and if it's the clipper races there can't be that many places - 07/08 there were only 10 boats took part! 13 crew members on each boat

BT Global Challenge has 12 boats - again not an infinite number......17 crew members.

cocolepew · 26/02/2009 12:50

I wouldn't do it the Dcs are too young, but that's only my opinion which should mean nothing to you. Your families opinions are the only ones that mattter surely?

Why is it 'a once in a lifetime opportunity?' Where is the ocean going?

stuffitllama · 26/02/2009 12:50

Jeez I sound like a bitter old cow.