to leave my children for five weeks to sail across an ocean?

[joshandjamie]

My new year resolution was to make some time for me. I sort of meant doing the odd bit of exercise, nothing extreme. But then the opportunity came along for me to take part in an around the world yacht race and I signed up to do the first leg sailing from the UK to Brazil. This will take 5 weeks.

It is a MASSIVE challenge physically, mentally, logistically, financially and emotionally but I'm really keen to now do it and prove that it's possible to do something crazy for yourself even if you're a mum. My husband supports me every step of the way.

But my mother heartily disapproves. She feels that it will be very unfair on the children and that I'm wrong for doing it. I will have to get a nanny to look after them while I'm away because although my husband will be here, he works and will probably only see them just before bedtime and on weekends. My children are aged 3 and 5.

Is this an unreasonable thing to do?

PS - if you want to follow my blog on this it's www.moretolifethanlaundry.com

Wow fairynuff...say what you mean! Even if it is quite mean tbh. How can you make that judgement, I thought happy mummy equalled happy children?

Fairynuff, would you object to the OP going away for a night?

Or a week?

and it's not the first time her mum has stuck her beak into her parenting choices

Not to mention other threads asking for advice for going camping with her DS's, and other threads about things she's done with/planning to do with her children.

Of course one night isn't going to break the bank and I truly believe happy mum does equal happy children but not necessarily if they are on opposite sides of the globe fgs!

Supergluebum - sorry don't mean to be mean but it does seem a very selfish venture to me. Lots of MNs agree that they couldn't do it. There is a reason for that.

there is a reason for that (and I'd say the split is about 50/50 actually)

that's because we're all individuals with our own opinions and perspectives on life

and damn wouldn't life be boring if we all thought and acted the same.........

Imagine how quiet MN would be for starters

I'm sure she's a great Mum.

But do I think she's unreasonable to spend five weeks away from her 3 and 5 yo on a sailing trip?

Why yes I do.

But why should that make any difference to her choice? Or what any of us think? For such a huge decision you must be confident yourself that you are doing the right thing.

I'm sure it'll be alright in the end, most things are. It doesn't change my mind though.

oh ffs what is 5 weeks in a child lifetime!!! fairynuff I truly hope you are just winding us all up. if not you are the bit about motherhood that makes me want to puke!

I better leave this thread before I throw the computer!!

joshandjamie ignore and go. your children will be happier people for it. and like someone said - good role model for your daighter especially. oh and good on your husband for not having the mentality shared by many women here. feminism? equal opportunities? women are women's worst enemy!

Fairynuff - you are out of order 'What a wonderful mother you are.'

OP is asking (but in a later post, not the first one) why her mother is against the idea. Op has decided she is going, but has set up this thread to understand why her mother feels this way.

I think your mother feels the way she does for one or more of the following reasons:

1. She believes that after having children, women should stay at home.

1. She believes the children are too young.

1. She believes your childcare arrangements are inadequate.

1. She believes your husband doesn't support you fully and will not behave in a responsible manner in your absence.

1. She never got the opportunity to do anything after having children and is resentful of your choices.

1. She is insecure, and believes that if someone makes a choice that is different to the ones she has made, then her own choices are somehow less valid and that she is being criticised.

Ultimately, you can reassure your mum about your the situation your children will be in when she is away, as long as you are confident and sure about the childcare arrangements. You can't do anything about resentment and insecurity, if that is what is going on. Only you can know because none of us know your mum.

We left the girls when they were 1 and 3 for a week and I did feel it was too long even though they were with their nanny who looked after them whilst we worked full time and had grandparents staying. I think if the 3 year old however is in nursery school in the mornings and the 5 year old in school all day they will manage okay. I would wait until the youngest was more like 5 probably. the longest I've been away from mine is a week and they are pretty independent children as both their parents have worked full time from when they were a few weeks old.

But making sure things are right for you is important too. I would suggest your husband takes 3 weeks of his annual leave though and looks after the children alone as that will do him and the children good, whilst you are away.

if my maths is correct (from the OP's previous threads_ the 3yr old with be 4 by the time she goes??

I am going to pass out after reading Xenia's post, I would have bet my life savings (none!) on Xenia advocating that the OP should go!

lol Divine - I thought the same when I saw she'd posted - and was then rather shocked when she didn't

Why? She's never come across as selfish or un-caring about her children.

mind you having said that she's not really saying don't go either is she.............

unfitmother - who is selfish and doesn't care about their children???

I don't know about you - but two days to my 3 year old is a long, long, time. 5 weeks! 5 weeks! OMG.
But I think we all know that the OP has made her decision.
Besides the affect 5 weeks away would have on my children, I couldn't actually stand to be away from my little ones for anywhere near that long.
I guess some people have a different way of looking at family life... maybe the OP has other reasons for wanting / needing to get away for a while?

Life's about balance isn't it?
Why won't the op's dh take time off?

I'm sure the OP said her DH was going with her.

PS
would all the 'go for it!' people feel the same way if the OP was a erm, less m/c mum who wanted to go on holiday to Ibiza for 5 weeks? Even if you're working every day, it's still a holiday, isn't it?

I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave DD for 5 weeks. She's 6 now, and I couldn't have done it when she was younger either.

I think if you were leaving them with daddy doing school drops/collections, and daddy being there for them for their routine - then fine, if you feel you can leave then ok.

But the idea of a nanny they hardly no - then not a chance could I. Daddy only seeing them briefly before bedtime and at weekends. Hmmm too much different for me to even consider.

When is this race? September?

Will you little one be a September school starter? If so, then that would definitely rule it out as even a possibility to consider.

It would depend what she was going to be doing in Ibiza and if it would be better for the child to be there during those activities or if the child would be better off at home.

ermm no I wouldn't because a 5 week holiday in Ibiza is hardly on par with 5 weeks on a Clipper Yacht - in terms of experience (don't we have clubs in the UK????) or challenge.

lol @ SS's post