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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my children for five weeks to sail across an ocean?

470 replies

joshandjamie · 26/02/2009 11:53

My new year resolution was to make some time for me. I sort of meant doing the odd bit of exercise, nothing extreme. But then the opportunity came along for me to take part in an around the world yacht race and I signed up to do the first leg sailing from the UK to Brazil. This will take 5 weeks.

It is a MASSIVE challenge physically, mentally, logistically, financially and emotionally but I'm really keen to now do it and prove that it's possible to do something crazy for yourself even if you're a mum. My husband supports me every step of the way.

But my mother heartily disapproves. She feels that it will be very unfair on the children and that I'm wrong for doing it. I will have to get a nanny to look after them while I'm away because although my husband will be here, he works and will probably only see them just before bedtime and on weekends. My children are aged 3 and 5.

Is this an unreasonable thing to do?

PS - if you want to follow my blog on this it's www.moretolifethanlaundry.com

OP posts:
Original poster
joshandjamie · 26/02/2009 17:09

Just want to say a huge thank you to Rhubarb for so eloquently saying exactly why I'm doing this. If I could hug you, I would. And thanks to all the others who are being supportive. I haven't questioned this trip once until last night when it became apparent how my mother felt. Reading all these opinions has made me feel bloody awful frankly - that's my fault, I asked for them and got them in spades. But I think you can either see the glass is half full or half empty. I'm going to see it half full.

OP posts:
FAQinglovely · 26/02/2009 17:10

and my Kilimanjaro dream is going to cost just over £2k (when it finally happens..........although I probably will be 60 by the time it happens LOL) and that's only just over a week!

supergluebum · 26/02/2009 17:12

It's only 5 weeks not long at all imo. My DH is currently away for 3 months, many others (men and women) go away for a lot longer than that.
Perhaps persuade your DH to take each Wednesday off or something to do things with the kids, but they'll be better off staying in their routine tbh.
Go for it...and good luck

supergluebum · 26/02/2009 17:14

plus hear hear Rhubarb...

Divineintervention · 26/02/2009 17:14

Perhaps all of us are too selfish to have children?
If you are in the armed forces and both parents are away a lot, perhaps you should wait to have children. Afterall being a parent is not about conceiving and producing a child, it's about rearing one to be an adult, a good decent and happy one too!
If the OP can arrange a better replacement than a new nanny, like her DH being more supportive and using a little annual leave then I say go.

Divineintervention · 26/02/2009 17:16

Sorry, her DH doesn't have to have five weeks off, but maybe one or two weeks or one or two days a week??

dittany · 26/02/2009 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nabster · 26/02/2009 17:31

I don't see how the half full analogy is relevant to wanting to do something which will result on your children being without mum for 5 weeks.

hf128219 · 26/02/2009 17:31

But it won't have any effect on her children at all. That's the point.

stuffitllama · 26/02/2009 17:32

and you know this... how?

hf128219 · 26/02/2009 17:33

There is numerous research on this very matter. Google it.

Sycamoretree · 26/02/2009 17:35

I think you will regret NOT going more than you ever will leaving your kids for 5 weeks.

Of course it's a long time, of course they will miss you, but I don't think they'll be holding it against you when they're older. I think it's quite an inspirational thing to do.

And for your daughter, particularly, you show her that it is still possible to be a great mum and follow your own dreams.

I'm certainly hugely of the opinion that a person who makes too many sacrifices for their children, man or woman, will end up unhappy...and there are so many worse repercussions for kids when they have an unhappy parent.

Fairynufff · 26/02/2009 17:37

Do it. You are obviously going to anyway.

It is your children I feel for, and not just for the 5 weeks. They are 3 and 5, still babies really, and their waking life consists of daycare, school or being with a nanny...

So while your spirit is adventuring and sailing the ocean - theirs are merely 'contained' with people who don't love them from morning til night. What a wonderful mother you are.

DamonBradleylovesPippi · 26/02/2009 17:38

joshandjamie if your husband is supportive then go for it. your children will miss you but not every minute of the day and they will more than survive. they'll have lots of fun time with their dad. you'll be a cool mum. they'll talk about this for ever (my dad came to england when I was nine for 3 weeks: I missed him, I was so proud of him, thought he was the bravest I still remember it vividly to this day.

people with granparents abroad do leave their children woth the granparents for a month in the summer. not much difference inho.

oh please do go.

FAQinglovely · 26/02/2009 17:38

"They are 3 and 5, still babies really, and their waking life consists of daycare, school or being with a nanny... "

ermm is this turning into a working v sahm mum debate?????

DamonBradleylovesPippi · 26/02/2009 17:40

fairynuff 'What a wonderful mother you are.' Bloody hell!

Fairynufff · 26/02/2009 17:40

FAQ - not at all. Working mums come home and spend time with their children at night. OP has said the nanny will be with hers 'til they go to bed.

stuffitllama · 26/02/2009 17:42

Well that was bad advice. I googled it. I wouldn't advise the OP to do the same.

supergluebum · 26/02/2009 17:43

agree with Hf128129, it won't have any effect on the kids. You don't have to google it to know that. My DH is forces, walk into his pre-school and I guarantee you that at least 2 parents per class are away at any one time, mother or father.

FAQinglovely · 26/02/2009 17:44

yes but only for 5 weeks - this isn't something they're going to have to put up with for the rest of their lives!!! - less than 1% of their childhood will be spent in that way!

fluffles · 26/02/2009 17:46

i'm sorry but LOL at the people who don't think that emotional and self gain are as important as working for money...

[wanders off shaking head]

supergluebum · 26/02/2009 17:46

Exactly FAQ and it's probably the best age to do it.

Fairynufff · 26/02/2009 17:47

FAQ - I suspect that going on how giddy the OP is about her sailing - this won't be last time.

Just a pity she couldn't direct some of that excitement and wanderlust into time with her litte children.

FAQinglovely · 26/02/2009 17:52

so because she wants to make this one trip (I can't honestly say that the OP strikes me as someone who is going to be able to raise the sort of money needed for this trip many times in her life) she's not "into" her children?

Wow that's a pretty big jump!

FAQinglovely · 26/02/2009 17:55

and she's not entirely unreasonable - she was very easily talked out of a rare girls night out last year