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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be jealous that my best friend has just had a.........

190 replies

becky00 · 15/02/2009 19:52

baby girl?

I have 2 lovely DS and would love a DD. I find it so hard as I keep being asked if I would like a girl etc as I am very girly, like it was something you can just buy in a shop!

I know its stupid but when I found out BF had a girl today I felt jealous.

OP posts:
SilentTerror · 21/02/2009 16:56

Have 3 DDs and 1 DS.Find it is a completely different relationship,ds is s o sweet,and 2 of the girls are madams!
However unreasonable I know it t o be,I do love having 3 girls though.All my girls are'girly'and DD2 in particular is fab company and we have a great relationship.
Word of warning though...teenage girls,imo,are a nightmare.Well,DD1 is,at 19 now and still driving me mad.
My lovely blue eyed boy won't be so cruel to his mummy

ellabella4ever · 21/02/2009 17:48

Some teenage girls are complete nightmares as are some teenage boys. Others are lovely. It's silly to say teenage girls are worse than boys.

Chipmonkey - can't take up your challenge because if we ever accidentally stray into the boys' section at, say, Next my dd cries in mock horror "yuck - boys' stuff!" . You could try making your own though ...

jazzpants · 21/02/2009 22:09

I have a ds 2 who is just wondeful, butI like to think that i will be fortunate enough to have a girl one day, i always wanted a girl and have often felt quite jealous when friends/family ect have had girls. I am now a single parent and although only 29 i worry that i will not have any more children, I am sure this is a silly thought to most people but i lways wanted the happy marriage and the children but sometimes when I have lonely days i cant see things changing - though hopefully they will one day

Leo9 · 21/02/2009 22:58

Out of interest jazz - why 'always wanted a girl?'. What is it you expect from having a girl?

BTW, speaking as an old hag alot older than you, you have time on your side and I am sure things will change for you if you want them to!!

chipmonkey · 21/02/2009 23:14

Agree with Tigger, btw, when ds1 and even ds2 were small ( 12 and 10 now) there were loads of fabulous bright greens, reds,oranges and yellows available in the shops for boys.
Now the only bright clothes ds3 and ds4 have are the hand-me-downs from those days, there is nothing nice available on the high street for boys. Mind you, when I went to shop for dh's one year old niece, I have to say there was pink, lilac, errr.... more pink and more lilac! I mean, one of the reasons I would like a girl is to be able to buy pink clothes but I am not sure I would like ONLY pink clothes! I mean, what if she had red hair? Have seen gorgeous little red-haired girls dressed head-to-toe in pink and it's really not a good look!

jazzpants · 22/02/2009 18:58

I honestly have no idea, I used to joke that I have a girl hormone? genuinly have no idea why?. TBH since I had my ds i do not have it as much, I hope so I have a great job and fab friends things are still quite raw at the moment, am sure evrything will be good in time.

lollipopmother · 22/02/2009 21:48

I was dreading finding out that my bump was Team Blue, I just always imagined having a girl. I like little girls (not like that! ) but I just don't feel so confident with boy babies and just find the idea of having a boy a bit intimidating I suppose. By the time it came to my 20w scan I had convinced myself that I didn't mind, I should just be happy that the baby was healthy and I want a boy because DP would prefer a boy. When I was told that the baby was a girl I was sooooo bloody happy, elated. And ... smug! I just felt this massive grin go over my whole face! I felt bad because I knew my DP was secretly hoping for a boy, but I was just so happy that I would be having my very own little baby girl. DP has since confessed that he's so much happier that we had a girl, he thought he wanted a boy until she was here but he is totally in love with her now and can't imagine ever having a boy.

In short, definitely NBU, you can't help what you yearn for sometimes.

Pristina · 22/02/2009 22:46

Agree with Ernest and Tigger's posts. I was talking to a lady (now in her 60s and a grandmother) who had 3 boys and then a girl, who was still furious about the tactless comments that people had made almost 30 years before in front of her boys when her dd was born "you finally got your girl" etc. Some people have no idea have they, both about how a mother feels and about children's self esteem?

Sorry, lollipop, but I'm not sure how helpful an "I got what I wanted and I feel great about it" post is.

ErnestTheBavarian · 23/02/2009 10:40

"It's a dress not a ruddy lifestyle statement!... So lay off the pink-bashing"

Nah, sorry, disagree, and will 'bash' pink as much as I want.

It is practically a lifestyle statement - on top of all the pink clothes, then there's the pink buggy, pink car seat pink cushions, even bloody pink books, as they get older, it's pink nintendo ds, all the way up to pink furry dice and pink furry steering wheel covers.

And all it represents - to me the odd bit of pink is one thing, but I find the excessive rosy splurge to be a crowing trophy of baby one-upmanship. And garish and yuk yuk yuk. Oh, and horrible boring. pink again. yawn.

You might find the 'sludge' for boys 'depressing', but as others have said, often not much else available, b. not every part of their lives has to be dominated by their gender. (Saying that, I don't have any slugde coloured clothes for my dss. True, they almost always waer jeans, but their t shirts are mostly bright colours red, green, orange etc.) It does irritate me a lot actually. I hate pink, and all it represents and stand by that. I cannot get my head round why people buy endless pink. They what happens if they later have a boy? Stick the boy in a bright pink car seat, buggy or have to replace everything? Seems short sighted (unless absolutely sure no more kids, then it's just tacky anyway imo)

if dd turned around aged 3 and asked for a pink dress, fine, I'd probably let her have it if she wanted it. If she wnted every single thing to be pink, from the ceiling in her bedroom, her spoon at breakfast down to her knickers and everything inbetween, I'd be saying 'no' quite a lot.

neverknowinglyunderdressed · 23/02/2009 11:14

I have DTS and now we have definately decided no more kids (DH had the snip) I did need to come to terms with my desire for a girl. But I belive in God and with twins, God had plenty of chance to give me 2 girls, or one of each! But when you see them playing together you realize that its better for them. They are so close. As I am very close to my sister. But dressing them in colourful clothes is a challenge, the boys sections in the supermarkets are so small and depressing compared with the girls. I love the clothes for boys you can get in France so Im going to stock up when Im out there this year.

whitecoffeenosugar · 23/02/2009 12:44

Lollipopmum !
I feel compelled to comment on your post as I find it hard to accept you can be so close minded and not be able to believe that had you happened to have a little boy of your own you would have found him just as lovely as your daughter and so would your husband.
Of course you are head over heels with your little girl and I'm sure she is wonderful but believe me boys are equally fantastic. I'm a mum to three boys, 13, 11 & 3 . All are totally utterly adorable , sweet, loving and great fun to be with.but as much as I don't have a great longing for a girl, I have no trouble imagining a girl makes a equally fantastic child.
I was going to say hope you don't have any more children being so anti boys but on second thought maybe it would be good, I'm sure you would love him and ... see the light !
For the time being, I ask you, if we ever cross paths and you see me in the company of my three sons, don't feel smug and pity me as you would be SO WRONG.

whitecoffeenosugar · 23/02/2009 13:00

To any mum who feels sad to miss out on buying pink or any girly stuff. I choose to indulge myself instead and satisfy my urges this way. Nice girly outfits, handbags, little things like notebooks for my shopping lists, watches, socks... They all very feminine and I take a girly pleasre in shopping for them. I think it is also nice for the boys(3) to have this female aura about. This does not mean I'm a one dimensional person. I thoroughly enjoyed taking my boys to see Star Wars when younger and take active interest in anything related when they obsessed about it for a while. And my all time favourite book/ film is Lord of the Rings.

whitecoffeenosugar · 23/02/2009 13:32

I just have to disagree with everyone complaining about sludge coloured clothes for boys in shops and apparent non availability of any other hues. So how come my three year old son has always had a truly rainbow wardrobe of tshirts, jumpers, pyjamas, coats, hats etc. And all bought in errrrr........ Mothercare( loads of colourful tshirts, orange, red,yellow, bright blue, gorgeous bright orange tigger pyjamas , beautiful Humphrey outfits, red one my favourite )
Next ( last summer on cool days he wore either a bright orange or a red zipped blazer , loved them )
M&S ( loads of gorgeous colourful summer clothes last year )
My absolutely favourite right now is his winter coat bought in Woolworths RIP. Yes , grey ( very smart looking fleece with toggles) but with a vivid red scarf which came with it ( buttoned to the coat). He looks adorable in it and had many comments from strangers.
So I really don't get this issue with no nice colours Do shops here in Bucks get extra stock or what ? But then I bought all M & S stuff online...
I agree that French boys clothes are particulary nice but alas I hated dealing with the known catalogue as service was terrible , things constantly out of stock. available in 3-6 weeks was their mantra .

mosschops30 · 23/02/2009 13:34

you can have mine id have ten ds's in a swap for dd (girls are a nightmare)

troutpout · 23/02/2009 13:42

dh once said that he thinks all women are in 'awe' of little boys (in a 'i can't believe i made a boy' kind of way) but 'need' a girl and that all dads are in awe of little girls but need to have a boy

I think he talks bollox

muppety · 23/02/2009 14:37

Probably unreasonable but then so am I!

When I went for my 20 week scan with ds2 I thought I had no preference. It came then as a huge shock to find myself crying after finding out he was a boy. I still feel guilty about that. Now I have 3ds and they are all gorgeous, but yes I do envy women with mied families. Not so much those with only girls, but I think it would be nice to have the experience of parenting both genders.

I don't really understand the problem. Boys and girls are different. Neither better or worse just different and I would have liked to have the experience of both. PLus for those that say they are not different talk to any primary school or nursery teacher.

chipmonkey · 23/02/2009 15:04

Very helpful, lollipopmother!

muppety · 23/02/2009 15:10

By the way chipmonkey I always read your posts with interest as you seem to mirror my life and thoughts most of the time.

How do you find 4? I am drowing in laundry right now and 4 seems a major leap!

muppety · 23/02/2009 15:10

I meant drowing obviously! Actually I think you should tell me to stick with 3!

AnnVan · 23/02/2009 15:51

I adore my DS, and can't wait to teach him to ridea bike etc. No sludgy clothes here either - Red, green blue, orange, yellow. All lovely. I'mrather glad I don't have to shop in the pink section. I'm sure if I'd had a girl I'd love her just as much, but I was happy when he was born and they said boy.

MsSparkle · 23/02/2009 16:18

I have to say i used to be one of those people who would look and mums who had boys and felt abit sorry for them

Having never been around children or babies in my life and then having a dd, a girl is all i knew. I so loved having a girl, and yes i dressed her in pink. I relished doing all the mum and daughter things. I guess when i looked at mums who had had boys, i assumed that ALL mums longed for a girl so they could do that mum and daughter thing too.

When i got pregnant again, i wanted a girl at first. I suppose it was because i wanted to recapture those special mum and daughter moments again. Then i had my 20 weeks scan and didn't want to find out the sex of the baby. That's when i realised that i actually really didn't mind what i was having. I always said if my dd had been a boy, i would want a girl next. But already having a dd, i didn't mind what i had next.

Then my ds came along. He is only 6 weeks old now and i have to say he has stolen my heart. I bonded with him instantly, i statement i never thought i would say about having a boy. I guess before i was never the fussed about little boys but i love him so much, he is my little man. I am so glad i had a boy now!

I know i am lucky having one of each but my mind has shifted now and i actually feel abit sorry for mums who have all girls I guess because now i have had that special mum and son moment and it is wonderful

MsSparkle · 23/02/2009 16:26

People do keep saying to me though "Oh i bet your dp is thrilled he has a boy!"

My dp was genuinly never fussed what he had. He was thrilled he had a girl and loves her to pieces and would have loved another girl and is just as happy he now has a boy. He really didn't mind. I guess because he is in his 40s, he thought he wouldn't be having kids so is just grateful with what he has, no matter what sex they are.

My friend though who has a dd is pregnant with her 2nd baby. She doesn't know what she's having but has said her dh really wants a boy. If this baby is a girl, he wants to try for a boy he is that desperate. I feel abit sorry for this baby if its a girl tbh. Its like she will be a disapointment right from when she is born in her dads eyes

WhiteTeaTwoSugars · 23/02/2009 16:53

ffs she is your friend, you should feel happy for her, not jealous, then trying to make yourself feel better by posting your 'guilt' over a public parenting forum

you're not a real friend

Pristina · 23/02/2009 17:46

what an odd post whitetea. Jealousy is a normal human emotion. It's helpful to share such feelings with strangers. I'm sure the OP is a perfectly good friend.

gettae · 23/02/2009 18:39

agree what an odd post sugars

and no op, YANBU, just human