to be jealous that my best friend has just had a.........

[becky00]

baby girl?

I have 2 lovely DS and would love a DD. I find it so hard as I keep being asked if I would like a girl etc as I am very girly, like it was something you can just buy in a shop!

I know its stupid but when I found out BF had a girl today I felt jealous.

Sorry, shineon but it does irritate me when people with "one of each" say that. You don't know what you're NOT missing.

Well I know what I'm NOT missing and I'm NOT missing anything. There is no guarantee that you will get whatever it is you are looking for from one gender of child that you do not already get from the other, unless of course it's just the ability to buy girly things, which is not really a reason to have a child.

Also, where do you stop this? So you may have two boys and although you only really wanted/can afford two children you decide to stretch yourself and 'try' for a girl. You get a third boy. So, feeling you must get on a winning streak eventually you got for four, and get a 4th boy. What now? 5, 6,7?

People do it! When you see a family with 4 or more children and the last one is a different gender, and then amazingly enough, despite the fact that they insist they always wanted a 'huge' family, they stop. Their motives are so transparent it makes me feel really uncomfortable (either that or they are rampant catholics or mormons!) You would end up with just a little bit of resentment to all those 'superfluous to requirement' children in the middle who take up so much of your time and energy and money. They are not commodities/accessories to be lusted after, or collections that require a complete set!

I have a cousin who now has 7 children for that very reason. She had 5 boys, then a girl and tried for another girl and got a boy. Madness!

chegirl...baby loss support group....I may be totally wrong, so ignore me if I am

TiggyR - who are you to decide tho that that is what is happening? I get so many comments like that it makes me so mad!

I always wanted 4 kids. Never 1, never 2 (am 1 of 2, had bad relationship w. sister, always felt it was too intense, so never wanted just 2, 3's often a crown, so always had 4 as ideal number).

ds1 born. very happy.
ds2 born. Very Happy.
pg with dc3. Everyone asking me if I'm hoping for a girl. "3rd time lucky, eh?" etc etc. As if my boys not good enough or something I assumed it would be a boy. None of my family have mixes. All got just 1 gender, so assumed I would be the same.
Sure enough, ds3 born. I was delighted. But all I got was "are you disappointed?" "Never mind, as long as they're healthy etc etc"

Sure enough, when pg with dc4, everyone made comments about 'trying for a girl', to the point I was praying for another boy. Thought it would be cool (and a lot easier and cheaper) having a 4th son.

Then shock horror, dd was born. I constantly get comments, from everyone - people on the bus, the check out assistant in the supermarjket, people passing by in street - 3 boys then you finally get your girl , "Thank God"! a girl after all those boys etc etc - all usually said in front of my boys

Good to know that on top of all the stupid comments, people like you assume, as I have 3 boys, then a 4th girl (and have the temerity to stop at 4) that all along I've been desperate for the girl and now I finally have 1 I can stop. Assuming that ds2 & ds3 are superfluous

"When you see a family with 4 or more children and the last one is a different gender, and then amazingly enough, despite the fact that they insist they always wanted a 'huge' family, they stop. Their motives are so transparent it makes me feel really uncomfortable" Your post has made me so bloody angry. You are so wrong. And who are you to be so judgmental? Ridiculous.

What do you suggest, people don't have another child in case they make you feel uncomfortable by having a different gender!?

I have a DSD and was praying that DC3 would be DS3. She is DD1. For some reason I always felt that DSD would be more put-out by a younger half-sister than by her half-brothers, and I've always called her "my favourite little girl" which I thought would be a problem if I had a DD. (It's not though - I now have a 'favourite baby girl' and a 'favourite big girl' - pretty simple really, I don't know why I was so worried!)

It's not something that really bothered me as I knew I wanted a large family and I assumed I'd probably get both somewhere along the way. Regardless, my kids are all seperate amazing little people, not 'boys' and 'girls'.

squirdle no that not me. I am fortunate not to have suffered the loss of a baby. Wouldnt dream of ignoring you tho

Ernesthebavarian, I promise you I know exactly where you are coming from. I have three sons, (1 and 2 planned, and No. 3 a delightful but genuine accident) I have had to endure all the same stupid comments and assumptions about number three, so I do know! In fact apart from the 4th child, your post could have been mine! When I first found out I was pregnant with No.3 I was a bit shell-shocked and had mixed feelings. The first thing my sister said to me was, 'It'll all be for the best, and just think - it could be a girl this time!'
So??? WTF?

I never wanted to know the sex of 1 and 2 but because I got so sick of everyone assuming I was pregnant again to 'try' for a girl that I asked to know with DS3, and then told everyone I could. A) To shut them up pretty sharpish when they started the 'I bet you are really praying for a girl' nonsense, and B) I didn't want to welcome my beautiful baby into the world only to be greeted by a load of disappointed looks and 'Oh dear, Never mind' comments, like I'd just chosen the wrong box on Deal Or No Deal!

I admit I over-generalised rather about the large family thing, and I apologise if I touched a nerve. It must be infuriating if you get that alot. Though loads of people DO do that, I've known several. One woman with six boys she could ill afford to feed and clothe and she was run ragged with exhaustion, couldn't cope, and felt quite bitter about it all. But she told everyone she would keep going till she got her girl. I just used to look at her and think 'you silly cow'.

It's easier for me to convince people I'm not fussed about a girl as I didn't choose to go on to have a 4th, even though it would not have impacted on my lifestyle that much. (We already had enough bedroom space, a MPV etc, and I was already a committed SAHM). When I've told people I do not want any more children I have had so many people say 'Oh, but I bet you would if you could guarantee a girl, wouldn't you?' Er....no, actually. When I said I don't want any more children that's exactly what I meant!

The 'superfluous to requirements'comment was made because I have known women who talk openly (in front of their children) about this very thing, and how they feel incomplete. One woman actually told me that she was 'devastated' when her second son was born because she so wanted a girl. How on earth can you be devastated at the arrival of a beautiful healthy baby? And what does hearing that do to a child's self esteem? I also know someone who had three boys and one girl. As a baby the girl was rushed to A&E with convulsions and her heart stopped. She was given CPR. She made a full recovery thank God, but her mother actually said to me the day after it happened 'I thought, please God I've got three boys, don't take my only girl' It just made me feel sick frankly, that her natural reaction was that one of her children was more precious and valued than the others, and that she would have 'sacrificed' one of her boys more readily. Of course I know she didn't mean it to sound as callous as it did, but even so, I felt and . I would have felt ashamed to have that emotion.

tiggy that is SICK! Not you, that comment about thank God it wasnt my girl!

To lose a child is the worst thing in the world. That stupid cow should think herself lucky she didnt find out just what an idiotic thing she said.

Sorry, I have come over all ranty today!

My parents have five children - 3 girls, then a boy, then me. When my brother was born and they were told he was a boy, apparently my dad said 'oh well done!' to my mum.

She said if she hadn't just given birth she'd have battered him with something heavy

I feel the same, and just found out I'm pregnant with DS2. I do now feel a bit envious of those who have one of each, but, as long as this one's healthy, it's all okay really.

The think that really fucks me off annoys me is the comments 'at least you can use DS1's clothes'. Why say 'at least....'? it's so annoying. They also assume I'll want to try for a girl later on (which I might, or might not want to do, want to get through this pregnancy first).

I do understand that envy / jealousy thing though. My sister is also pregnant and has a DD, I KNOW I'll be a bit envious if she has a DS. Stupid, completely irrational I know....

what fresh hell it was his bollocks tat decided it afterall!

Soory for the rant TR . it is a sore spot for me. I cannot believe how many people offer me commisserations for having 3 boys in front of them, makes me so , or the assumption I must've been so desperate for a girl gggrrrrr I am so very not girly, she's 8 months old now and I still haven't been able to bring myself to buy pink. How I hat pink, and all it represents. I pray my dd becomes a 'spunky' sharp lively tomboy joining in the mayhem with her brothers, rather than a shrinking violet dressed in afairy costume in the corner.

But more than anything, I hope all my children grow up with a strong sense of self, and that they are totally loved for the individual they are.

Phew.

Saying that I do know 1 woman who has 2 boys and she keeps going on about how lucky I am to 'finally get my girl' and how ucky I am and how disappointed she is to have 2 boys and how she wept in the hospital when he was born - saying all this in front of her poor ds2 I really can't understand it.

Mind you, I'm not especially close to my mum, and am not a pink or girl person,never have been, so maybe that's it?

well quite......

we are about to have DC2 (have DS1) and we don't know what it is. People seem very keen for us to care one way or the other, but to be honest DS is such a joy that I'd be happy with another boy, but a girl would be nice too.

We shall see - in about five weeks!

I have 2 dss and then had a girl. I suppose I did secretly want a girl third time around for the novelty value! Although if I'd had to have had all one sex of children, I'd have preferred all boys to all girls iyswim. But it was nice to be able to look in the pink half of mothercare for a change!

But the doing girls things bit hasn't really materialised as dd (now 4) is a real tomboy (not surprisingly I suppose with older brothers.) She hates pink, wants boys clothes and toys and won't entertain the notion of anything girly. (Ben 10 is her absolute favourite at the moment.) Today she asked if she could have her lovely long hair cut like the boys - we did cut some off but she wanted it clippered and was very disappointed when I wouldn't let her. (I think I'll be hiding the scissors for a while.)

So getting a girl wasn't quite what I expected it to be. My dd is more boy-like than her brothers!

I have one of each and always feel annoyed when people say " Lucky you, like I won them" especially as I always wanted four children but dh said we'll stop when we have one of each

Actually, nstm, if I had a daughter, I don't think dh would have agreed to keep going, it has been a nice excuse to have more babies! I'd have loved to have 6 or 7. My aunt had 9 children and their house was always so much fun!

probably not for your aunt!!!

You know what? She loved it! She was a teacher too so maybe coming home to 9 kids was kind of a break from 30!

YABU. Be thankful that you have two lovely sons. Some people can't have any children at all. All children are a blessing. What will be will be.

Some people have all boys and others all girls, others have one of both. If I have another child I don't care what the gender is, as long as it's healthy.

What's all this crap about pink and "all that it represents"?? It's a dress not a ruddy lifestyle statement! My dd likes pink, occasionally wears a fairy/princess costume but she's a bright, funny, spunky little thing who can tear around the playground with the boys. So lay off the pink-bashing (personally I found it depressing to see all the boys dressed in sludge-coloured clothes at the National Space Centre yesterday - dress them in bright colours instead for pete's sake!).

God, if only we could! Mothers of very young boys are so lucky now compared to when mine were very little. (16,13,9). I used to scour the shops looking for anything that wasn't navy or grey and didn't have power rangers or Thomas the tank engine on it! On occasion I even bought them the odd items of girls' clothing just for a bit of colour!

exactly Tiggy! Unless your budget runs to the high-end of the kids clothing market you are still REALLY going to struggle finding bright colours for boys. It's one of my absolute pet hates. I too have bought DS a couple of girl's things when he was younger just to get some colour for him. Also remember standing by the baby/toddler range just wishing that ds was small for his age as there was such a difference between the colourful (ish) baby clothes and the sludge older boys stuff!

Right ella! I challenge you to go shopping and find some nice funky clothes at a reasonable price for a 4 year old boy.