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Original poster

4-year old excluded of Reception class for biting 3 weeks after starting school... Anyone experienced the same???

348 replies

brette · 07/02/2009 19:19

Hello,

My son is 4 and started reception 3 weeks ago after 12 months in nursery. In nursery, he had trouble settling in but after a while and a lot of patience and encouragement from the dedicated staff, settled in very nicely... with the occasional to frequent bitings. Never in a "malicious" offensive way, more as a "defence"/compulsive/impulsive way when his space is being invaded. Very hard and stressdul for everyone involved (the bitten, the biter, all parents...) But they got it under control after a lot of praising and generally speaking a gentle and psychological approach. He still has to be assessed to see if there's anything related to sensorial issues. He's the youngest of the class, loves school and is extremely bright.
An Early Intervention team got involved, he was observed, the conclusion was there wasn't anything "wrong" with him, many reports were written and before he went to Reception, we had a meeting with the new school child therapist, the Early Year Intervention team therapist, the nursery staff, etc... so that the transition to school would be smooth.

First day at school, the headteacher tells me: "I understand your son has special needs" ...
Second day at school, the teacher tells me: "He bit a child today, is it something he's done before?" I told her nicely to read the report we had taken so much time to make specially for her...
Two weeks later, he bit a child and the child bled. Very shocking and inacceptable. The head called me and asked me to collect him to "punish" him and as he was a danger to other kids. On collecting him, I saw the child therapist of the school who admitted they hadn't been any communication of reports between the nursery and the school. That she had just spoken to the nursery therapist and that she had a better picture of the situation. I said I was surprised they didn't get any of the reports since their whole point was to avoid this very confusion...
And now all the head is telling me is "This behaviour has to stop..." Err, we all agree on that, if we knew how to, we would...

Anyone has experienced something similar?

Sorry very long post, but I feel let down and angry by the whole situation.

OP posts:
queenofbeas · 07/02/2009 22:27

OP - TBH as a parent of the bitten child I would'nt be interested in what you should do, I would want my DC protected. I think the school have done the right thing.

TheBurnsifiedEffect · 07/02/2009 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

queenofbeas · 07/02/2009 22:31

No they can be but repeat biting is a serious thing, at 4 really it is not on. My DD did bite until she was 3 but there were consquencences and she stopped.

Dropdeadfred · 07/02/2009 22:32

I don't want to make Brette feel any worse, because I can tell she is mortified about how her son has been treated and percieved...BUT my dd3 is starting school this september and I honestly never though that at chool age children in a mainstream school would be biting!
I also have two older dcs who have never been bitten in all their school years...

I too would want my child protected from being bitten (particularly drawing blood). But I do think that the school has been remiss in not communicating with nursery and vice versa.

queenofbeas · 07/02/2009 22:33

Agree with DDF.

queenofbeas · 07/02/2009 22:34

The schools top priority should be to protect ALL children from harm.

Leo9 · 07/02/2009 22:36

I would have thought like you DDF, but in DS' reception class there was a biter. It was swiftly and firmly dealt with but it obviously can still occur at this age; they are so young. At 4, IMVHO, they should all be at nursery rather than school anyway! (if anywhere other than home!)

seeker · 07/02/2009 22:37

I have to say, my dd was a biter - and it was very difficult to deal with - but she never drew blood. Massive bruises, yes, but never blood!

Original poster
brette · 07/02/2009 22:37

queenofbeas, I assume you think you will never be in the difficult position of having a "problem" child. I hope you're right, but life can be long and full of surprises. A bit of empathy and humility never hurts.

OP posts:
MilaMae · 07/02/2009 22:39

Biting in rec is NOT common and it IS far worse than pushing/poking. I am an ex primary teacher with several rec years of experience.

My son was bitten once in pre-school,the mother was mortified read the riot act to her son,he delivered a sorry card,it never happened again. I was perfectly happy with how it was dealt with.

My sons are now in rec and I as a parent wouldn't tolerate a persistent biter who drew blood. Rec is a big year for kids and I want them to be happy and secure. I don't think the head has any choice but to protect the other kids.

Yes it isn't ideal for the op's son but the needs of the other 29 children need to come first.

Original poster
brette · 07/02/2009 22:40

Well seeker, until last week I would have said the same...

"The schools top priority should be to protect ALL children from harm." It is a very simplistic view on which we can only agree. Unfortunately life is a bit more complex than that...

OP posts:
queenofbeas · 07/02/2009 22:41

brette. I do wonder if you are actually helping your son or just letting him get away with it? Do the other Dc deserve to be protected from violence or not?

TotalChaos · 07/02/2009 22:42

actually - both myself and DH remember there being odd biting incidents at our old schools at primary age - I think it is unusual, but something that happens (and we both went to good state primaries FWIW).

anyway - a shame that the school seems to have made so little effort regarding transition and your son starting - hopefully you can have a more productive meeting with head and class teacher and try and sort out better support for your son. if necessary would have thought school could call on external professionals - LEA behaviour advisers or an ed psych to help with this sort of issue. I don't see what exclusion achieves - other than to make the problem out of sight out of mind. Surely better supervision of the biter would be more constructive.

queenofbeas · 07/02/2009 22:43

I had empathy until i have read some of your threads, ME and MINE is what you seem to be saying, never mind the children that are being bitten and prehaps frightened by your child.

wishingchair · 07/02/2009 22:47

The head does have a choice ... she can choose to work through a solution in a sensible, thorough, sensitive way that meets the needs to the OP, her son and the other 29 children.

Personally, I would have found an incident of biting far more bearable to deal with than having to console my 5 year old when her supposed best friend had called her a loser and told her that no one likes her. There are far worse things than an impulsive act of violence.

queenofbeas - am a bit at your somewhat judgmental stance

Original poster
brette · 07/02/2009 22:48

queenofbeas, I am extremely concerned about my son's behaviour, it makes me very sad/angry and I am by no means lenient about it. Since this terrible incident, he has lost access to his computer, and he will get it back when he gets five good stars (one star for each day without biting) and we talk about it and he understands the gravity of it. And children are tricky: at nursery, when they realised he was like that, they would provoke him until he bit. So in this case, who's the bad guy?

OP posts:
Remotew · 07/02/2009 22:49

How are you dealing with it at home Brette? He is old enough to be made to understand how wrong biting is.

I had a biter too, my DD, she was younger 18 mths to 2 years old. She bit the same child twice at her pre school, second time made it bleed. I can remember being beside myself, it stopped but I told her off at that age. I observed her biting a friend. Always on the face. It wasn't a violent act on her part just a hug, kiss that went too far.

Not sure what to advise. The school should be able to deal with it. DD's nursery did.

Remotew · 07/02/2009 22:50

X post, Brette, sorry can see how you are trying to deal with it at home.

queenofbeas · 07/02/2009 22:50

"And children are tricky: at nursery, when they realised he was like that, they would provoke him until he bit. So in this case, who's the bad guy?"

Are you for real? Honestly do you think that is true.

wishingchair · 07/02/2009 22:53

Queenofbeas what is your issue here???? The OP has a process at home, had established a transition process to school that has fallen down, she's now trying to get it back on track.

Are you seriously suggesting the only solution is to exclude and demonise a 4 year old child?

Original poster
brette · 07/02/2009 22:54

Totalchaos: I don't see what exclusion achieves - other than to make the problem out of sight out of mind. I totally agree...
Thanks wishingchair.
And queenofbeas, and I am concerned about the bitten children, and I have talked with them and their mothers when I could. And I dread the day I will meet a mother like you.

OP posts:
Original poster
brette · 07/02/2009 22:57

"Are you for real? Honestly do you think that is true." YES! It is called taunting and it is a thing children sometimes do. God...

OP posts:
Sibble · 07/02/2009 22:58

both my ds's have been biters to my horror and both have drawn blood. ds2 is 4 and on very rare occasions will still bite, when he is frustrated etc..... I would be horrified if he started school and was excluded. The school needs to address the situation properly excluding a 4 year old imo is not the solution to the problem.

QOB I have to agree with wishingchair I don't understand where you are coming from.....

MilaMae · 07/02/2009 22:58

Brette have you tried approaching the child to say/show that your son is sorry. The computer thing is good but that alone is a bit removed from the consequences of the act.

Also I wouldn't show your anger at the school to him,he'll just think poor me and that you aren't acting with the school as a united front.

You do need to remember how the other mothers will be feeling,as a mother of a bitten child I can tell you it's quite upsetting. They will probably be feeling angry and let down by the whole situation too if it's happening repeatedly.

queenofbeas · 07/02/2009 22:58

not 3 and 4 year olds to the extent that you are suggesting and if they did do they deserve to be bitten?

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