4-year old excluded of Reception class for biting 3 weeks after starting school... Anyone experienced the same???

[brette]

Hello,

My son is 4 and started reception 3 weeks ago after 12 months in nursery. In nursery, he had trouble settling in but after a while and a lot of patience and encouragement from the dedicated staff, settled in very nicely... with the occasional to frequent bitings. Never in a "malicious" offensive way, more as a "defence"/compulsive/impulsive way when his space is being invaded. Very hard and stressdul for everyone involved (the bitten, the biter, all parents...) But they got it under control after a lot of praising and generally speaking a gentle and psychological approach. He still has to be assessed to see if there's anything related to sensorial issues. He's the youngest of the class, loves school and is extremely bright.
An Early Intervention team got involved, he was observed, the conclusion was there wasn't anything "wrong" with him, many reports were written and before he went to Reception, we had a meeting with the new school child therapist, the Early Year Intervention team therapist, the nursery staff, etc... so that the transition to school would be smooth.

First day at school, the headteacher tells me: "I understand your son has special needs" ...
Second day at school, the teacher tells me: "He bit a child today, is it something he's done before?" I told her nicely to read the report we had taken so much time to make specially for her...
Two weeks later, he bit a child and the child bled. Very shocking and inacceptable. The head called me and asked me to collect him to "punish" him and as he was a danger to other kids. On collecting him, I saw the child therapist of the school who admitted they hadn't been any communication of reports between the nursery and the school. That she had just spoken to the nursery therapist and that she had a better picture of the situation. I said I was surprised they didn't get any of the reports since their whole point was to avoid this very confusion...
And now all the head is telling me is "This behaviour has to stop..." Err, we all agree on that, if we knew how to, we would...

Anyone has experienced something similar?

Sorry very long post, but I feel let down and angry by the whole situation.

Brette - have you had him assessed. I am not an expert and I have not met your son or you but autism is a spectrum, there is no one set of criteria. You son can be very highly functioning and able to get involved in imaginary play etc and still be on the spectrum to some degree.

Good luck

It does sound more like a sensory thing though; sensory processing disorder is much more reccoginised now.

Good luck with a diagnosis.

The head's approach is totally wrong. Your DS does not need to be 'punished' - his behaviour needs to be understood, seen in context and the triggers explored and an approach to dealing with it agreed. Don't agree to an 'observor' without an agenda for what they will be looking out for and what they will record and how. They should, the school, be trying to figure out what and who tends to trigger it, how your son feels before and after biting, whether he's tired, bored, overwhelmed, lacking in social skills compared to the others, etc.
I speak as the mum of a bright 5 year old whose behaviour on occasion since starting school has been aggressive. I have been shocked by it as there were no problems with nursery and he was there 8-5. But I think he tires easily, gets bored easily, doesn't eat much and gets hungry and doesn't understand things like body space and not touching others or when he's annoying them. I felt awful for the kids he hit/scratched and really angry with him. Yes we did remove treats, as a way of letting him know the behaviour was unacceptable but there were clear targets for getting them returned and his class teacher is trying so hard. I ordered some books on getting on with others, dealing with anger, etc. I can empathise with how you probably feel, I'm a psychologist and the fact that my child was hurting others really worried me. Teacher started talking about Asberger's! Luckily could deal with that due to my job, I know it isn't but that even if it were, there are ways to deal with issues. The school need to see your child as a puzzle with behaviour to be solved and a little boy, not a problem to be excluded.

My 4 year old gs is in danger of being excluded for biting. The head teacher has told his mum that he's risking losing four pupil premiums if he stays at the school. She is a single mum and doing her best to work hard and be a good mum but I feel she isn't being supported. We see him every weekend (my son and gs dad (our son) are no longer together but are good friends) and he is very good - although can have the occasional tantrum. I feel the school should be getting the help of outside agencies -.ed psych for example...I'd appreciate any advice as we're worried sick...

Angie it would be best to start your own thread as people won't notice it's an old thread and will answer the original poster.

I think she needs to go back to training school and get herself a quarter or Education. If your ds does have special needs. Then "punishing" him, is not going mean diggly squat.

Aaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh.
It's a zomfreeekingbie.

For Gods Sake the OP's child is in Secondary School, the threads 8 years old.

Angie

You have opened up a Zombie thread, people won't read your post here.

Do this...

Copy your post
Go to the top of this page and select 'start new thread' (under the blurred bar Topic:AIBU)
Then paste your post into it

Then along the bar from your name click on 'report' and ask the lovely ladies at MNHQ to please move it to CHAT.

Rumplestiltskin

Angie is trying to get help for her Grandson, it's fair to say she wasn't born with a smartphone in her hand, while her mother posted on social media, cut her some slack for goodness sake.

👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻

ZOMBIE THREAD

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Naughtaless I understand where you are coming from I had a very poorly child myself. I hope you don't leave as you probably have a lot to give here although it may not be something all on here want to hear. Ops ds is of course wrong to bite however kids often behave inappropriately and imo it's up to the parents to ensure it doesn't escalate into older childhood so they can grow up to be decent adults as much for their own benefit as others. My ex partners child did something similar to another child. He marched her to the other child's house to apologise. His daughter protested a lot as she really didn't want to but she had to and the behaviour stopped. Have you got your ds to apologise to the child he bit op? IMO taking a computer away for a few days isn't enough to help a child learn how essential it is violent behaviour stops.

Grrrrrrrrrr angry on your and your DS's behalf...

yes, but I also feel huge compassion for the parents of the child that was bit badly enough to make them bleed. remember that parent will also have trauma too- so have them in your mind as you proceed

so focus on future actions rather than berating the school for reports that have bot been read. I am hugely sympathetic BTW, but the first post reads like victim mode, and there are other victims here too

Can anybody give me advice ASAP on how to bake a Madeira cake flat. Just baked the 1st and it's come out domed. It's 10" ,doing my first big cake for my daughter and just waiting to put the next in. Baked the last at 180 for 50mins help

I had the exact same experience with my DS. I felt there was something wrong early on, health visitor got him a placement before nursery to be observed for any conditions. After 2 6 month placements their report said - small spacial awareness, violent tendencies (biting, kicking, punching, etc) compulsive tendencies, would only play with one thing and would freak if couldn't. There were others but I forget. Anyway at the end they state there is nothing wrong with him! Turns out it was run by social workers 🤔

DS had same issues as you at nursery, the whole year was awful! But I was told DS was fine!

First week in primary school head teacher called me in for a meeting.
He told me he thinks there is something wrong with my DS lol. School refered him to child mental health who observed and tested and by the end of term he was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.

They explained the biting is in no way him being aggressive or angry. In fact, because he lacked the basic communication skills, when he wanted another child's attention, just to say hi perhaps, he bit instead as it got their attention. But because of the biting the communication would obviously break down.

He got lots of help through the school and things improved so much. It's definitely worth trying speaking to the head about your concerns and not accepting any early intervention reports (Just from my experience). Certain conditions are mistaken for bad behaviour.

This thread is ten years old next week!

🤦‍♀️

I wonder if he's still biting 😏

@MMaureen

Why post on a thread that 10 years old????

Just start a new thread, people won't feel very charitable towards you if they've waded through 14 pages thinking they could advise.

Even worse there are always some who will read a little then jump straight in after a couple of pages, so they'll be advising on something written in 2009 and never see your post.

You’re a disgrace. I’d be fucking furious if my child was bitten and bled. You’ve got a badly behaved child, you’re making light of it here, and your only solution is for other people within the school to fix the problem for you?

FFS. I’ve lost count of the number of stupid winking faces etc you’ve posted. It’s a serious issue, and your parenting is clearly inadequate for teaching your son social skills.

Bloody annoying for people to get these threads trending by commenting. FFS. Will keep an eye out for dates in the future. Grrrrr

Zombie
Start your own thread Maurine

The OPs child must now be studying for his GCSEs - and has presumably stopped biting!