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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell other parents I do not want to look after their kids

304 replies

ABetaDad · 07/02/2009 17:36

This is the first time I started a topic on Mumsnet and I afraid it is a bit of a rant.

I am sick to death of other parents coming up to me and my wife and 'suggesting' that our kids come over to their house for a 'play date' or a 'sleep over'.

As night follows day I can be sure we suddenly get a whole host of new friends as it comes up to half-term and full term holidays. People I have never spoken to at the school gate suddenly saying little Jemma or Alice or Richard or Charles of whatever would like your children to come and visit.

I am sorry but the answer is NO. I know what you are up to. You are trying to blag free day or evening of childcare in return for feeding my kids orange squash and sitting them in front of a video for a couple of hours. I am NOT interested.

I pay for my kids to go to school holiday camp every day because I work from home. I do not go out in the evenings and I do not look after other people's kids. If I wanted to be a childminder I would have chosen that career and if I need a child minder I will pay for one.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
mincepiemadness · 07/02/2009 17:39

Yes, and friendless, most likely?

And possibly a troll?

Grammaticus · 07/02/2009 17:39

A little! I bet your kids love going, more so as they get older IME

hercules1 · 07/02/2009 17:40

Why a troll? I agree about being a bit unreasonable though I dont like particularily having others kids around it is part of being a parent.

AliceTheCamelHasGotTheHump · 07/02/2009 17:41

Yes. You are being unreasonable.

nannynick · 07/02/2009 17:43

I don't feel you are being unreasonable. I'd say a first play date, is one your child is invited to... not one you are hosting. I feel that children would be asking 'I want X to come and play'.
Sure your child could invite a friend over, but I don't feel it's on for the parents of that friend to 'suggest' that you invite them over... I feel it's something your child has to request, not the other child's parent.

Mummyfor3 · 07/02/2009 17:43

YABU.

NotQuiteCockney · 07/02/2009 17:44

I invite other kids over fairly often, and don't always get return invites. I have some friends where we swap kids back and forth pretty freely. It's nice. I like having a good social network. It's pretty rare that I ever ask any of these people for childcare (like once every few months), and I give lots of advance notice and don't fuss if they aren't up for it.

boogeek · 07/02/2009 17:45

YABU.
Perhaps their children have said they would like yours to come and play in the holidays?

nannynick · 07/02/2009 17:46

I take it back... think I read it wrong. Are you actually objecting to other parents inviting YOUR child to their house for a playdate?

TigerFeet · 07/02/2009 17:47

It clearly hasn't occured to you that perhaps people just want their children to have a social life outside of school. What's wrong with providing a couple of hours of free childcare in return of receiving a couple of free hours yourself? You never know when it might come in handy.

Don't you want your children to play with other kids outside of school? Don't they want to play with their friends?

Personally, I'm glad to have other children round to play. DD is currently an only so is glad of the company. In return, I get the chance of some child free time (or I would, but she's still small and likes me to go with her - roll on the day she's happy to be left at a friends house and I get a peaceful hour to myself)

Original poster
ABetaDad · 07/02/2009 17:47

I am not a troll.. this is real rant ... borne out of the multiple contacts I had on Friday. It was only when I realised it was half-term next week that it clicked.

I think my kids do enjoy visiting their friend's houses and that's why I feel manipulated. Their friends' parents put them up to inviting our kids over and beleive me ... their parents know exactly what they are doing.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 07/02/2009 17:49

if children enjoy playing together then a normal progression from that is a playdate/ sleep over.. although i do not let my DCs sleep over at homes where i do not know the parents well.

i often have my friends DC over and it is reciprocated. there are friends who will have my children if i am working , i am a doula, so my working hours are unpredictable, so i do need to rely on the kindness of friends a lot. but i will return the favour or repay the kindness in some way.

i think that you are being a bit mean, but you are going to ensure your children get few, if any invites anywhere, whihc is a shame for them

Podrick · 07/02/2009 17:50

Reciprocal play dates are good for children and are not generally about parents trying to take advantage of other parents!

This is not to say that some parents don't try to take advantage of other parents - but these are the parents who invite their children to your house without reciprocation.

LowSlungAndOverhung · 07/02/2009 17:51

YANBU I have had the same experience many times over the last 10 years. Just yesterday I was asked point-blank by someone I don't know whether I would have their child during the day over half term (all week!)and 'to help me out' she would have my son today. Just bizarre. I asked my ds who she was and which child was hers and he had no idea.

I know holidays are hard to cover, I have to sort out my own child-care too but some people are just weird and shameless IMO.

dietstartstomorrow · 07/02/2009 17:52

Why do you think they sit your kids in front of the TV and give them orange squash

NotQuiteCockney · 07/02/2009 17:53

It's weird and shameless (and desperate!) to ask something like that, LowSlung.

But I don't think asking other parents for help is the end of the world. Obviously, everyone has to be confident enough to say 'no, that's not good for me', but surely asking for help is ok.

LowSlungAndOverhung · 07/02/2009 17:53

Oh and we do have plenty of reciprical play-dates with friends, we just don't rely on each other for weeks of childcare. This is a mother from another class, we have never spoken before and our children are three years apart in age. Very odd.

queenofbeas · 07/02/2009 17:53

YABVU. It does'nt even cross my mind about free childcare when I invite a child for a playdate. I do it because my DC enjoy it and it makes them happy. I find your views weird.

RealityIsMyOnlyValentine · 07/02/2009 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TigerFeet · 07/02/2009 17:57

So no-one wants to play with your children just because they are good company and have friends? The only reason that anyone would invite your child to play is so that you'll return the favour?

I feel a bit sorry for your children tbh.

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 07/02/2009 17:57

Dunno. If your children are NEVER invited to other people's houses at any other time than the run up to a school holiday, then possibly you are being set up for a spot of childcare Are you saying that nobody has EVER invited your kids to their house at any other time? Ever?

What about your children? do they not want to socialise with their friends after school? It's not just about you, you know. Wouldn't they like mates round?

Perhaps a bit of give and take? You never know, you might actually become friendly with some of these parents.

Your children certainly have the right to friendships and to develop these friendships and at the risk of sounding like a total twat with my head up my arse one of the jobs you have as parent is to facilitate this.

Flightattendant12 · 07/02/2009 17:58

What a mean minded and cynical OP - sorry but you're just totally paranoid.

Why do you think everyone is trying to con you? They are probably only asking out of a sense of duty to their own children who want their friends over - they probably dread it as much as you do. Sorry but you sound a right git actually

welshbyrd · 07/02/2009 17:59

why has a childs sleepover, gone to the subject of you?
a sleepover is just that, nobodies asking you to open a daddy day care centre after allowing your child to sleep at a friends.
You should feel happy tat your child is liked enough by her friends in school to be invited, maybe if you see the results of bullying in school, you might appreciate how nice it is to know your child has a nice set of friends in school.You bizzare in your thinking, a sleepover is just that

lindenlass · 07/02/2009 17:59

Yes, YABVU. I often invite children over who my children have asked me to have to play and it is never with the hope that I can get my children babysat in return! How sad that your children don't get to to and play at their friend's houses because you're too suspicious to let them go!

lilacclaire · 07/02/2009 18:06

Its about socialising your children and letting them have fun with their friends.

You sound very cynical and frankly you could be isolating your kids because your a prat!