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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell other parents I do not want to look after their kids

304 replies

ABetaDad · 07/02/2009 17:36

This is the first time I started a topic on Mumsnet and I afraid it is a bit of a rant.

I am sick to death of other parents coming up to me and my wife and 'suggesting' that our kids come over to their house for a 'play date' or a 'sleep over'.

As night follows day I can be sure we suddenly get a whole host of new friends as it comes up to half-term and full term holidays. People I have never spoken to at the school gate suddenly saying little Jemma or Alice or Richard or Charles of whatever would like your children to come and visit.

I am sorry but the answer is NO. I know what you are up to. You are trying to blag free day or evening of childcare in return for feeding my kids orange squash and sitting them in front of a video for a couple of hours. I am NOT interested.

I pay for my kids to go to school holiday camp every day because I work from home. I do not go out in the evenings and I do not look after other people's kids. If I wanted to be a childminder I would have chosen that career and if I need a child minder I will pay for one.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 07/02/2009 22:30

Get over yourself.

Your DCs can do playdates at the weekend as well.

Keep saying "no" and eventually people will stop asking. Just don't expect any thanks from your DCS.

dearprudence · 07/02/2009 22:31

If you don't invite them they won't come, will they? And if anyone asks you, say you can't because you're working.

This so-called 'problem' is so easily solved it's laughable. Take a look around this board to see some real problems.

You've clearly decided that YANBU, so I can't help wondering why you bothered asking in the first place.

Merrylegs · 07/02/2009 22:33

By ABetaDad on Sat 07-Feb-09 22:27:02
"Just in case anyone didn't read my original post.
I send my kids to holiday camp every day of the holiday so they get to socialise with 50 - 100 other kids there in a great environment with lots of activities.
They also go to after school clubs where again they socialise. I do not cut my kids off from other kids - I pay for the childcare I need because I work at home."

Ah, sorry. I get it now You actually don't want to look after your OWN kids either.

(Actually I usually never judge working parents who use holiday clubs and after school care - we've all been there and what works for you works for you BUT in your case, you're sounding like a bit of an arrogant arse about all this, TBH and for some reason it's really winding me up. )

Carbonel · 07/02/2009 22:37

True kids can 'socialise' at holiday club and after school clubs but nothing beats the fun of trashing playing in your friend's room by playing the various imaginative games kids seem to think up that requires all their clothes / bed clothes etc to be on the floor / in a large box / on their teddies

ravenAK · 07/02/2009 22:38

So...other parents say 'Can Letitia & Theobald come to play with the little Betas next week?'

& YOU say: 'No, I'm afraid the Betas will be at camp.'

Where is the problem?

I think your kids may well get fed up with not being able to hang out with their mates in the holidays, but from a purely selfish 'not disrupting ABetaDad's work' POV, I don't see an issue.

MrsPurple · 07/02/2009 22:38

me too, I can appreciate people have to work to pay bills etc, but why have kids if by the sound of it you don't want to spent time with them.

Or have we all got the wrong end of the stick?

Qally · 07/02/2009 22:39

Didn't your parents ever arrange for you to play/sleep over at other kids' houses? I'm genuinely curious. I did, all the time, and kids came to my house as well. It was seriously inconvenient for my Mum, as she worked full time, was a single parent, and I have a SN brother, but most weekends were taken up with that. It's how kids have a social life - they can't just arrange to go to the pub, or for a film and a bite to eat, can they?

IMO the time to worry is when your kids AREN'T getting asked on playdates. And my mother made good friends with other parents, too - people she's still friends with today - reproduction doesn't automatically make someone dull/filled with narrow-eyed self interest.

Qally · 07/02/2009 22:42

And no, afterschool clubs/camps are not the same. Any more than playing in a sports team is the same as having a friend over to dinner. You can't choose every member of a big group with an impersonal shared purpose (especially when that shared purpose is childcare for Mum and Dad, not a shared interest for the kids) in the way you can friends invited into your own home. It's a completely different social experience.

psychomum5 · 07/02/2009 22:44

seriously, HOW DO YOU KNOW THEY ARE TRYING* TO BLAG FREE CHILDCARE???????????????????

maybe, shockinglyI admit, but just maybe, their children like your children and what to play with them at their homes.

the AUDACITY of children wanting friends to play.

simply stunning.

you are not in the parents heads, stop assuming, you ass of a man!!!!

scampadoodle · 07/02/2009 22:48

So other parents are queueing up to ask your kids to their houses??

What's the problem? If they are available & want to go, let them.

You can't provide 'free childcare' for their kids in return because you are working. I don't expect PWOH to have my DCs over to play much. If they do get asked, lovely. If not, well as I said earlier they get opportunities elsewhere.

I think people posting on here are just having difficulty working out what your problem is exactly?

Merrylegs · 07/02/2009 22:48

Alphamaledad - or whatever your name is. Here's a quiz quesiton.

When friends invite you out for dinner/drinks/ whatever, is your automatic reaction:

a) What a nice idea. Thank you very much

b) Not bloody likely. You'll be wanting me to invite you back.

c) None of the above, 'coz you being asked out for dinner is, like, so never going to happen.

Merrylegs · 07/02/2009 22:51

quiz question. Obviously.

(Tis late, but you are providing me with head-shaking entertainment.)

2shoesformyvalentine · 07/02/2009 22:51

the op is brilliant lol

ShellingPeas · 07/02/2009 22:51

Just

Say

NO!

Simple as that. Say no to any play dates ever. No more angst, no more worries, no more pain in the butt parents wanting you to look after their child for free.

And your offspring - they have their 50 to 100 'friends' waiting at half term camp!

OrmIrian · 07/02/2009 22:56

They don't want free childcare. They want to invite your children to their house because your children appear to have social skills that you lack. And other children like them.

I really don't see your problem.

You are odd. If you aren't a troll I pity your offspring

tumtumtetum · 07/02/2009 23:05

ROFL @ OP.

Bloody bastards keep inviting my children round to play. Selfish twats.

I have a solution - say yes fine then don't ever invite them back. you will soon find out their true motivations.

Did it occur to you they ask around the holidays as that is when their children want to see their friends - as they're not at school...

Seriously ROFLing

Original poster
ABetaDad · 07/02/2009 23:15

Its time for bed for me. I have enjoyed reading all the answers to my original post.

I fear I may have had my prejudices confirmed. A lot of posters do seem to acknowledge they see play dates (at least partly) as free childcare.

A few posters agreed with my point of view.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 07/02/2009 23:17

But nobody actually agreed with you. miserable and deluded.

OrmIrian · 07/02/2009 23:19

I suspect that doesn't matter crackfox

I must just try to remember that whenever I make the effort to invite children over for playdates that in fact I am being totally selfish8

tumtumtetum · 07/02/2009 23:19

Betadad you are priceless

Quattrocento · 07/02/2009 23:22

Gosh this is a strange OP. I do think some parents might be trying to work out a shared care arrangement but again some might have no ulterior motive in mind at all ...

I've arranged lots of playdates and hosted more than I care to remember. It's part of being a parent, no?

machismo · 07/02/2009 23:31

No you are not being unreasonable! The parents of those kids are taking the P*?s!

jemart · 07/02/2009 23:46

Try to see this from your childrens point of view. Playdates = popularity with their peer group, it helps them make friends!

IMO very important to let them invite their friends over to play. Having said that people inviting themselves over to yours is just plain rude.......

retiredgoth2 · 07/02/2009 23:54

....of course YANBU!

Plainly, you are a Very Important Man, who has Very Important Work to do.

...imagine, children troubling you to dilute their (presumably LIDL) squash to taste. Especially the ghastly progeny of Outsiders.

...how vulgar!

I feel such a kindred spirit, that I think I may know you. this is you, right?

ravenAK · 08/02/2009 00:06

No, retiredgoth2, that would be Andrew Eldritch circa about '87. Easy mistake, I agree.