thinking that my husband might be abusing my child?

[morethanamum]

a very sensitive issue.
im shaking,crying and just want to know what happened yesterday when i went to the gp and left my kids with husband. in the evening dd1 started complaining about her genitals,i noticed redness and while applying some sudocrem i asked her "what caused it?"she said "daddy"i asked "how did he do that?"she put her hand over her genitals.i confronted him,he was furious and said im crazy and dd1 must have said this like she always does when i ask her about who did stuff she says mummy or daddy,even though i know it isn`t true.but why did she touch herself?was she just pointing at the pain?when she was 1 and 1/5 she sometimes would touch husband on genitals.we tried ignoring her and convert attention.it worked but afew days ago she did it again.
now should i believe a 3 year old.or is she lying.how can i know the truth before i do something stupid?

I am also with cory and pagewatch.
That was rather a strong accusation to make and looks like you don't trust him.

Cory - i am really on your behalf! that is a fair warning to anyone before they jump to conclusions.

PLEASE do not talk to your DD in depth or anymore about it, if you are significantly worried go to your GP, but be prepared to say goodbye to your DH if you go this far and he is, as i suspect, innocent

I did not mean to say that accusations must never be made. Of course there are times when they should and must.

Merely that one has to be aware that in this delicate situation any decision you come to is going to have an effect. Keep silent- and you could do harm. Speak out- and you could do harm. It is hellish to be in this situation, which is why no decision should be taken lightly.

I agree with LEM in that you probably shouldn't keep asking your daughter about this. She is only 3 and will probably just become more confused or enjoy the extra attention and make things up (as 3 yr old can do)

But I don't think the OP should be blamed for worrying about this.

Yes paedophillia is in the news more now...and so it blinking should be. People need to be more aware and act if they think a child is being abused!!! This happens to many more young children than you would think!

Op, I really hoep that this is nto what you think it is and I hope you can have a rational and gentle discussion about this with your DH.

Cory, it is hellish...it's terrible if like you, people are accused wrongly, but it is also hellish if no-one does anything if it is happening.

i know everyones trying to be positive but obviously you reacted like that for a reason. i think you should call someone professional like childline but anon. if your husband has done something the worst thing would be if you ignored it and regretted that later. dont mean to sound negative but not enough people act quickly enough.im a teacher and was on jury service for a horrible case where the mother didnt believe her daughter for years. he didnt get prosecuted until she was 16 and by then obviously the emotional scars are had to heal.
surely you can sit down and talk to your husband about this in a calm manner and see his reaction. try to get some advice

morethan I'd like to ask how old you are? You sound quite young which if you are would explain the media saturation aspect and of course if your marriage is quite young too,the trust aspect. I think you really need to talk to someone face to face or phone to phone now today.You would be able get all your fears out without any reccriminations and in safety and then be able work out a strategy to welcome your dh home tonight. Can your dd go to a friend/relative for the evening for you to be alone or let him put her to bed as normal and then talk. Also can you inform him that you would like to talk with him.
You need the professional help that these guys cans give you, they've heard it all they will be able to help you today. Phone NSPCC or Childline

Squirdle on Tue 27-Jan-09 10:53:19
"Cory, it is hellish...it's terrible if like you, people are accused wrongly, but it is also hellish if no-one does anything if it is happening."

Yes, that is exactly what I meant. Not that noone should ever blow the whistle.

morethan I'd like to ask how old you are? You sound quite young which if you are would explain the media saturation aspect and of course if your marriage is quite young too,the trust aspect.

I think thats a big of an ageist genralisation.

I have 3 kids and am married at 24, but I don't have trust issues with DH or am obbsessed with abuse because of my age and the media.

Sorry if i sounded patronising but if morethan is little immature it is an explanation for some kind of an over reaction. Just trying to think of other explanations other than the one we are all dreading for her and her family.
You sound v. mature and I'm not trying to be patronising agin either.

completely agree with cory's posts and the 2 reasons why you might feel this way. either way, you can't just brush it under the carpet, you need to explore what has happened and why you reacted this way. I'm not saying you need to rush straight off to the GP btw, I'm saying you need to think very carefully about where your initial suspicions came from and why

Secret cameras? Are you for real? Too much telly methinks!

I have just picked up something interesting from the OP, you said "i left MY kids with my DH". I assume he is their father? If that is the case why didn't you say OUR kids? Is there a trust issue here anyway?

I think the OP sounds young too. Im not being patronising, i had my first DD when i was 19.

The most important person here is that 3yo girl - i can't really offer any advice as my gut feeling is leave well alone. But if you have had reason for concern in the past take this seriously and go to your GP, if this is a one off then apologise to DH and move on, put this out of your mind once and for all.

FWIW, because of all the media coverage sometimes i even feel awkward with DD and seeing to her bits, but i know that its ridiculous and just because of the media - this never would have crossed my mind with DD1 18 years ago.

Have I missed something but morethan you still haven't said why you already had an instinct?

where has she gone

dashboard
if you ever reach the point where you are thinking of installing cameras to check on your husband then there would be so very little trust or respect in that relationship that you should without question leave that instant.

morethan - are you OK?

i agree pagwatch, if i were the DP/DH and read that, id be packing my bags.

Yes, you are entitled to your opinions, i am also entitled to point out when i think someone is full of shit! no offence! Perhaps she should hire a private detective too

I said my instinct was to leave well alone, i also QUALIFIED (quantified is when you put a number to something!)that statement by saying that it was not my advice, just an instinct.

Can't be arsed to get into an argument over it - the OP over reacted end of story. You are right, should never leave well alone if there are GROUNDS for suspicion, such as previous feelings of discomfort.

Not going to post again, said what i have to say - have a good day.

OP - i DO hope you resolve this.

if she has gone past that point then she should leave rather than spying on her DH.

But I don't think she has has she? She seems to be saying that she reacted excessively out of some kind of panic. Unfortunatley she also seems to have gone...