thinking that my husband might be abusing my child?

[morethanamum]

a very sensitive issue.
im shaking,crying and just want to know what happened yesterday when i went to the gp and left my kids with husband. in the evening dd1 started complaining about her genitals,i noticed redness and while applying some sudocrem i asked her "what caused it?"she said "daddy"i asked "how did he do that?"she put her hand over her genitals.i confronted him,he was furious and said im crazy and dd1 must have said this like she always does when i ask her about who did stuff she says mummy or daddy,even though i know it isn`t true.but why did she touch herself?was she just pointing at the pain?when she was 1 and 1/5 she sometimes would touch husband on genitals.we tried ignoring her and convert attention.it worked but afew days ago she did it again.
now should i believe a 3 year old.or is she lying.how can i know the truth before i do something stupid?

Please don't be so down on yourself- you need to let someone know how you are feeling in real life, your doctor, perhaps call the Samaritans?

but WHAT do you mean about the french kiss
fgs

he said dont use soup on the area just use aqua cream.because she already has sensitive skin and aczema. please if anyone thinks this is odd please hide the thread and stop posting.i dont need that right now.

about the kiss.
i didnt walk on him when he was kissing her.he did it when i was there. he kissed her mouth with his mouth wide open.it looked itimate.cant confirm the tongue though.

i don`t think my mum would side with dh.why would she?

The kiss thing would have me packing his bags to be honest - that is not appropriate behaviour and if he loves her so much he is willing to do that then what the hell else is he willing to do.

That excuse would not have washed with me I am afraid - he knows it is wrong.

Do you think the blaming you and the silence could be him trying to shift the blame for behaviour that is downright innaprpriate?

My mother didn't believe me when I told her her partner had tried it on with me. Maybe your mother doesn't want to rock the boat?

No more silly talk of killing yourself. That won't do your dd any good will it.

Bottom line, do you trust your partner? If not, then you can't go on.

I am a llittle confused because you say "when she first touched him on his genitals when she was 18 months(or so).he was just so passive about it.i mean he didnt react at all.untill i pointed that its not acceptable and we should try to solve it" and yet in a thread you started about this incident in early 2008 you say "the first time she had done it my husband shouted at her and removed her hand"

He doesn't sound passive about it TBH.

morethanamum i am glad you came back to this thread.

Please do seek professional help for your family.

This cannot be ignored i am shocked that a doctor wouldn't react at all to your concerns tbh!

Did you speak to the nspcc. They should be able to sort out support for you also given the state of mind you are in.

I hope your fears are unfounded but do not ignore your instincts.

i don`t trust my partner.
should iwe have counsilling and try for our dd.or should he leave?

If you don't trust him then he needs to leave (or you need to leave with dd), whether you go on to have counselling or not.

Please don't be down on yourself (as BoF said) - you have done the right thing to listen to your instincts. It must be very scary to be in the situation you are in, but there is support out there for you.

We can't tell you that.

If I seriously thought my DH had abused any of my children he would never sit foot in my house again.

set foot

You need to talk to the NSPCC - we're not experts on this thread (or at least thats what i'm assuming).

I think in this type of situation you need professional advice from experts.

Reading between the lines a bit here but did you take dd to the GP and show him/her the soreness but not mention your suspicions re abuse?

Did dd repeat what she'd said before when she was in with the GP?

Sorry to ask so many questions.

if you don;t trust your partner, have accused him of sexual abuse of your child then i don;t think there is any way back from this

do you have concerns about any of your other children?

Tracey's right, you need proper, professional help. But mn is here for moral support if you need it.

morethan no one can answer that , it's up to you.
But if you decide to stay this needs to be dealt with via professionals.

Did you tell the gp your concerns or just that dd was 'sore down there'?
Why did gp suggest counselling ?

I just don't get this at all. OP please don't believe your mother when she says a 3 yo can't be trusted.

I feel a bit sick about this thread it is really disturbing me.

Morethan, I'm not sure how a relationship can continue with a man you would need convincing that he wasn't abusing your dd.
Trust on this level is key to a fullfilled and happy relationship.
Please get in touch with a professional.

highly unlikely he would admit it if he had assaulted your dd, but what would you do if he did?

You have to get professional help with this and stop listening to your mum.

op have you called the nspcc yet?
they are the experts on these matters not gps.