thinking that my husband might be abusing my child?

[morethanamum]

a very sensitive issue.
im shaking,crying and just want to know what happened yesterday when i went to the gp and left my kids with husband. in the evening dd1 started complaining about her genitals,i noticed redness and while applying some sudocrem i asked her "what caused it?"she said "daddy"i asked "how did he do that?"she put her hand over her genitals.i confronted him,he was furious and said im crazy and dd1 must have said this like she always does when i ask her about who did stuff she says mummy or daddy,even though i know it isn`t true.but why did she touch herself?was she just pointing at the pain?when she was 1 and 1/5 she sometimes would touch husband on genitals.we tried ignoring her and convert attention.it worked but afew days ago she did it again.
now should i believe a 3 year old.or is she lying.how can i know the truth before i do something stupid?

He will never admit to it...people who do this kind of thing don't admit to it. Not even when it is blatantly obvious.

OP - when your DD touched him was it through clothes or hadn't he got anything on?

morethan...you just need to search messages with your id and then it should come up...multiposts happen sometimes, if we doible/triple click by accident....don't worry about it...I just wondered if people may have confused an accidental multipost for an old message, iykwim...

You have more than this dd, haven't you? Have you any suspicion about the other/others...( or am I confusing you...if so please ignore)

Anyway, you are obviously not trusting him, and tbh, I personally think that if you don't trust someone, well...it's not really going to work...iykwim...

that kiss thing does sound a bit odd....I mean, why kiss openmouthed on mouth...

Anyway, no advice, but do get in contact with nspcc...they are experts and should be able to council you!

I have just read all of this thread

I dont have any personal experience or professional advice to contribute, but just to say that I think its fairly "normal" to assume the worse and be confrontational in these situations.

I have not been abused and I trust my DH but if DD was to say anything along the lines of Morethan's DD then I would be hearing alarm bills. Reading this thread (with the wipes and dungarees example, I realise I would perhaps be wrong) but its the lioness instinct. Protect at all costs etc etc. I would not confront in the same manner, but I would ask questions. Maybe its a sad reflection of todays world.

In fact, sometimes I get uncomfortable if any bloke (other than DH) is jiggling my DD around on their knee. I just dont like it, and I know that its wrong of me to think that, but I dont. I dont stop it but I keep an eye on things. I am made aware of child abuse victims via my work so perhaps I am "over exposed" to it. Its sad to feel supsicious (without grounding) but I would rather feel suspicious than risk anything happening to her

Morethan, trust your instincts and please dont just listen to your mum's. What would she know about it? And I dont mean that nastily to her.

The kiss. I have read that its open mouth to open mouth (rather than french kissing). This is difficult as I kiss my DD on the lips and we make open mouths at one another, and say "ahhhhhh" as a pre kiss thing. Maybe I should not do this but she is my DD and it is nothing sinister at all. She is only 12 months and its a way to communicate. I now feel a bit about this but maybe your DH did not mean anything by the kiss but go with your instincts and please at least call someone professional, who knows what they are talking about, unlike me.

Also, I am a hypocrite but whilst I kiss DD on her lips (making open mouth faces beforehand) I would not like anyone else doing this to her.

Here you go Morethan

This was your post from roughly a year ago.

By morethanamum on Sat 12-Jan-08 13:00:38
my almost 2 years old dd touched her daddy on the privates.not just a quick touch ,she grabed him.now she has done it for 3 or 4 times.
i want 2 do the right thing so she`ll forget it without any complications.
the first time she had done it my husband shouted at her and removed her hand.she then repeated it with anger,she can be really difficult sometimes when i shout or say no.
i told him to ignore and distract her.she forgot it for a day and then did it again? whats the right thing 2 do?

By morethanamum on Tue 27-Jan-09 13:20:45
ofcourse plum.
when she first touched him on his genitals when she was 18 months(or so).he was just so passive about it.i mean he didnt react at all.untill i pointed that its not acceptable and we should try to solve it.

Sorry but there is a fairly big discrepancy here, Morethan - maybe you could explain and people will be happier to help without thinking your posts are a little odd.

There could be an innocent explanations: kissing a child ith an open mouth is certainly very common around here (though I've always felt it a bit yucky, but that's just me). The sore bit could also have been perfectly innocent.

But equally it could be not innocent.

If I had got to this stage I would not feel able to just carry on as usual. I would feel the need to contact professionals. I would tell the GP of my suspicions.

And I would not feel able to carry on living with a man of whom I felt this degree of suspicion: whether the suspicions are justified or not, it seems like this is not a working relationship. You would never have a moment's peace.

Also, I would not listen to my Mum in a case like this; grandparents are often the last to admit that something could be wrong in a family, whether disability or abuse.