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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

thinking that my husband might be abusing my child?

333 replies

morethanamum · 27/01/2009 08:28

a very sensitive issue.
im shaking,crying and just want to know what happened yesterday when i went to the gp and left my kids with husband. in the evening dd1 started complaining about her genitals,i noticed redness and while applying some sudocrem i asked her "what caused it?"she said "daddy"i asked "how did he do that?"she put her hand over her genitals.i confronted him,he was furious and said im crazy and dd1 must have said this like she always does when i ask her about who did stuff she says mummy or daddy,even though i know it isn`t true.but why did she touch herself?was she just pointing at the pain?when she was 1 and 1/5 she sometimes would touch husband on genitals.we tried ignoring her and convert attention.it worked but afew days ago she did it again.
now should i believe a 3 year old.or is she lying.how can i know the truth before i do something stupid?

OP posts:
bergentulip · 27/01/2009 19:20

I just think it says an awful lot about the op to call 'the kiss' a 'french' kiss. Bizarre. My 14mths old sticks his tongue out and opens up wide for a ginormous smacker if I or DH ask for a kiss or cuddle...... it's actually rather hilarious, and cute.....

... in a stable, trusting family that do not add such suspicion to these things.

Is my 14mth trying to give us a 'french' kiss? That's just twisted.

Help needed for the op, clearly. I suspect the DH is quite innocent, and his DW(op) is having trouble putting a difficult past behind her.

PottyCock · 27/01/2009 19:26

I thought this morning that the OP did not have English as a first language -which may explain the 'french kiss' thing. I'm not convinced this is a troll at all sadly.

kittywise · 27/01/2009 19:34

piratecat, I meant the op. It was so similar that I initially wondered why someone had brought the thread up again after all this time.

Divineintervention · 27/01/2009 19:34

The fact that she had to request that her dh stopped french kissing a baby means she is either lying or incredibly stupid.

kittywise · 27/01/2009 19:43

No this op has definitely been done already, I'd say pretty much word for word. Either that or I have psychically thought of it a while ago

TheLadyEvenstar · 27/01/2009 19:44

Very strange

Lilyloo · 27/01/2009 19:52

I think that all the people shouting troll should think twice before doing so.
The OP posted about this a year ago and only one post no more regards this since then.

Secondly she has been back to say she is seeking help.

What if any of this puts her off and she doesn't in case she isn't believed ?
If she seeks help and it turns out to be issues relating from herself then getting help is of paramount importance.
Or just maybe her dh is abusing her daughter and she is in denial which is often the case.

I honestly feel that the OP REGARDLESS of what we think needs support to get help as i wouldn't want it on my conscience if she doesn't. Having seen first hand the aftermath of abuse it just isn't worth the chance.

OP i hope you still do get outside help to deal with this for all of your family.

LucyEllensmummy · 27/01/2009 20:03

I think it is pretty pointless to go troll baiting. The OP is either genuine or she isn't. Either way, a drawn out debate about the validity of the OP isn't going to help anyone - at best it keeps a distasteful and uncomfortable thread at the top of active convos and at worse? Well, it doesn't bear thinking about.

kittywise · 27/01/2009 20:05

No, it doesn't add up.
You would not write an op then a year later exactly the same one and class this as an emergency and act as if this is something you've just 'found out'.
Clearly this isn't something that's just been found out.

Something is amiss here.

RiaParkinson · 27/01/2009 20:10

how depressing

real life must be dull for her

Lilyloo · 27/01/2009 20:11

Kitty does it have to 'add up' ??????

TheLadyEvenstar · 27/01/2009 20:19

I am sorry but I agree this does not add up! If my dp was french kissing my baby i would be kicking his arse to the kerb and not be looking back!

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 27/01/2009 20:27

I'm with lilyloo - it is rather off-putting that this poster is not being believed just because her story is not totally coherent.

Using 'genitals' seems an odd choicce for someone who is making up a story, and to me does sound like someone who may not have English as a first language.

What if its someone who can't get to a computer easily?

If she is confused and distressed, she may well be in a muddle. Surely she is asking for some confirmation that kissing a baby in a certain way is normal - or not. Isn't that partly why we come on here, to compare with others.

FairLadyRantALot · 27/01/2009 20:31

problem is the OP has been asked several times and by several different posters what she means by french kiss...she has been on since, but seems to NOT want to clarify this...
now, fair enough is english is not her first language, but, I think the reason why people, including me, wishing to have clarification about this is, to see how severe this is, etc....because if it was a proper french kiss, then there are abuse issue simple as that....

Caz10 · 27/01/2009 20:36

if you think she's a troll, why waste 10 pages saying so? Just don't post.

If the OP is genuine then she is getting very little support on here which is sad and very regretable.

LuckySalem · 27/01/2009 20:38

I totally agree with Caz and lily.

If you dont believe her GO AWAY!! If you do then I'm sure she'll love the advice you give her.

I understand that maybe you dont want people to "waste their time" if its not real but what if it is or what if this particular one isn't but someone else's is but now they dont want to ask for advice cos they've just seen you all ripping the OP to shreds?

OP - If you are still there and you truly believe that something is wrong then you need to go with your instincts on it.

Lilyloo · 27/01/2009 20:43

Given the OP has returned today and said this afternoon

''just now before she went to the nursery she said she feels better down there and dad had made her sore.!!! ''

the kiss thing is an aside anyway.

Am thankful it's not just me who believes there are some threads irrelevant to whether OP trolling or not.

kittywise · 27/01/2009 20:52

Why is she asking the same question a year later though? You'd think she'd have sorted it out by now

LuckySalem · 27/01/2009 20:55

Kitty - WHO CARES - If you dont want to answer go away! If you do then please give her a good thought out response. Dont just knock it back!

Lilyloo · 27/01/2009 20:55

Kitty last year she was concerned her dd had touched her dh and wastold it was pretty normal inquisitive 2 year old behaviour.

A year later her dd has complained of being 'sore'.

Not the same posts at all. And definately not easy to sort out. Abuse can and does go unnoticed or denied for many many years.

kittywise · 27/01/2009 21:02

No, I'm not wrong on this on , I remember it well.

luckysalem, I don't care no, just pointing out this has already been done,
I'll post what I like, ta very much.

Lilyloo · 27/01/2009 21:04

Ok then thankfully there is only ever one case of abuse in this world
seeing as 'it's been done'!!

dittany · 27/01/2009 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuckySalem · 27/01/2009 21:10

I'm sorry but this is just silly now. So what if its the same? So what if it does't all add up? Do you really think if you thought the same as the OP you'd be worried about the facts?

Also as I've said before and so has lily and now dittany. So what if this is a load of tosh - it might help anyone who is really suffering from it if we can give some advice rather than just fobbing them off?

NeedCoffee · 27/01/2009 21:14

I don't think its a troll, i think its someone who is worried, and doesn't know what to do.

Op-if you have the instinct that your DH would hurt your dd, then you need to get help.

FWIW-both my dds have 'snogged' me and others, and at 2/3 months some babies do stick their tongues out, especially when you give them a kiss on their mouth, so it could be explained if you could tell us exactly what happened.