thinking that my husband might be abusing my child?

[morethanamum]

a very sensitive issue.
im shaking,crying and just want to know what happened yesterday when i went to the gp and left my kids with husband. in the evening dd1 started complaining about her genitals,i noticed redness and while applying some sudocrem i asked her "what caused it?"she said "daddy"i asked "how did he do that?"she put her hand over her genitals.i confronted him,he was furious and said im crazy and dd1 must have said this like she always does when i ask her about who did stuff she says mummy or daddy,even though i know it isn`t true.but why did she touch herself?was she just pointing at the pain?when she was 1 and 1/5 she sometimes would touch husband on genitals.we tried ignoring her and convert attention.it worked but afew days ago she did it again.
now should i believe a 3 year old.or is she lying.how can i know the truth before i do something stupid?

There was a thread once - maybe a year ago - that was exactly the same scenario. Daughter sore, said dad did it, mother accused dad of abuse. I can't remember the outcome. But, as someone said futher down, it's not something that can't happen to others. Just because it was posted about previously doesn't mean that this OP is lying.

Yes there is an exact replica, its just this thread showing in "search messages twice"

I think its time to lay this thread to bed - if the OP is real she will have recieved some good advice - up to her what she does with it i suppose. If she is a troll, shes bored and we are all shmucks!

I want to know if the DH stuck his tongue in his baby's mouth which would have alarm bells ringing all over the place or if it could have been innocent and the baby put her tongue in his mouth who obviously doesn't know this is wrong yet.

I want to know if the DH stuck his tongue in his baby's mouth which would have alarm bells ringing all over the place or if it could have been innocent and the baby put her tongue in his mouth who obviously doesn't know this is wrong yet.

The OP has been advised to speak to the NSPCC. This is good advice and has been given over and over again.

Is there anything else to say about this?

Lilyloo on Tue 27-Jan-09 21:28:51
"Fwiw a 3 year old stating x2 on two different days that
'who did it , daddy'

and

'daddy made me sore' i think is very relevant!"

The second time could be influenced by the mother's reaction to the first time.

Remember the Sheffield case- where very young children spoke about abuse perpetrated by certain care givers. It was later conclusively proved that they had never been looked after by these particular people, but that they had had lengthy conversations with their Mums about the subject and the Mums were convinced for other reasons that abuse had taken place, so unwittingly kept asking leading questions.

Again I feel I need to point out that I am not saying that you should not react if a child tells you something of this nature. Just that it is absolutely crucial how you react- that you don't let your child see your full horror, that you do not ask any leading questions, that you do not keep going over the same ground over and over again until you have had professional advice etc.

If the child in the OP said Daddy for perfectly innocent reasons (Daddy wiped her sore area a little roughly, so she thinks Daddy caused the pain), and she then felt the OP tensing up, then naturally she will now be convinced that Daddy hurt her on purpose and that this was bad.

All I am saying is this is not evidence either way. It does not prove Daddy's innocence either.

Either way the OP needs to get help, from somewhere.

Whether it is nothing and the OP has jumped to the wrong conclusion for whatever reason, abuse, or a troll, any of the three possibilities would mean someone needs help in some way shape or form.
As long as the OP has contacted someone IRL about this then the right outcome will have been achieved. I only hope it is the first instance and that some demon the OP has has reared it's ugly head rather than either of the latter, more disturbing possibilities.

Can I just add
I post on sex abuse threads from the point of someone who was a bused as a very young child and i think I may have some imput.

I always post in the full knowledge that I don't know who I am talking to and that this is an open forum.
Whilst it is difficult I did nothing wrong and i have nothing to feel ashamed off ( thank you counselling and years of rationalising what happened ).
So from my point of view it does not affect me if the OP is a troll or not.
Off course trolling on this subject would be sick but I work on the basis that people facing similar issues may look even if they do not comment. And that may be useful to someone.

So I agree really - if you think it is a troll just hide the thread.
But people dealing with abuse are not rational. I told my mum as an adult and she has forgotten that I ever told her what happened and wiped it from her mind. Very odd but possible.

I wasn't bused. We lived in a village - very few buses.
Fancy spelling abused wrongly .
Really a dimwit.....

Just seeing if the OP has been back here? Looks like not.

op please come back and tell us whats happening, I can`t be the only one that is concerned for you.

I don't think she will be back

she won't be

thanx for every soul who was concerned about me and my dd.im sorry if my story sounds odd to some.i wish it didnt happen too.i thought about posting yesterday but was very down and had to sort things out.
my dh didnt leave yet.hes not talking to me and says he wont,not yet. i left to my mums house.told him only for awhile to think things through,he said whatever! i told my mum every thing.every single concern. she said that the kiss was just a slobby kiss,the touching is normal.i shouldnt reacted that way.a 3 year old can`t be completely trusted.

Glad you came back morethan - I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd never posted on this site again.

Re: your mum's take on it all - was she there when these things happened? I hope she's right, but obviously you were there and alarm bells rang for you. I wouldn't ignore those alarm bells.

I hope you took dd to the GP to be checked over and good luck.

Agree is a bit odd...

You said you were going to the GP did you?

Did your mother witness the kiss if not how does she know it was just a sloppy kiss?

can you please clear up the kiss thing. It is kind of relevent.
Was it just a sloppy kiss or was it, as you said, a french kiss?

Don't think your mum isobjective enough to make a judgement, think you need to speak to the proffesionals and then move on either repairing your marriage or further protecting your daughter.

Please seek the help you need to move this forward

fairlady can you put a link please for the thread youre talking about.im really curius to know what happenned.
mum suggested i should go with dh to counsilling or a psychologist or something.dh agreed.i spoke to the gp and she is gonna send me some recommendation.
i took dd to the gp BTW and he said NOTHING about abuse.
i just wanna kill myself and end it all.
dh and dd relationship didnt suffer at all. i am immature. i hope you think i did the right thing in the end.didnt i?

What did the GP say?