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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

thinking that my husband might be abusing my child?

333 replies

morethanamum · 27/01/2009 08:28

a very sensitive issue.
im shaking,crying and just want to know what happened yesterday when i went to the gp and left my kids with husband. in the evening dd1 started complaining about her genitals,i noticed redness and while applying some sudocrem i asked her "what caused it?"she said "daddy"i asked "how did he do that?"she put her hand over her genitals.i confronted him,he was furious and said im crazy and dd1 must have said this like she always does when i ask her about who did stuff she says mummy or daddy,even though i know it isn`t true.but why did she touch herself?was she just pointing at the pain?when she was 1 and 1/5 she sometimes would touch husband on genitals.we tried ignoring her and convert attention.it worked but afew days ago she did it again.
now should i believe a 3 year old.or is she lying.how can i know the truth before i do something stupid?

OP posts:
whoingodsnameami · 27/01/2009 17:37

I also think peole need to give her the benefit of the doubt, she could be completely confused, I worry that if this is real, all the troll shouting will scare her off and she will go and bury her head in the sand. There is a chance here a child is at risk, if people feel she is not for real they can hide the thread.

FairLadyRantALot · 27/01/2009 17:38

Well, whilst I indeed agree that if tis is a troll is one sick one...I rather this be a troll than a true person....iykwim...
because if this is, the french kiss alone is, surely,sexual abuse...

after the OP I felt o.k. sore bits and then saying daddy did it, doesn't necessaerily mean anything like abuse....but french kissing does...and that than would mean that the chances are that the OP thereofre would point towards abuse....
not sure if this makes sense...full of cold and can't think straight!

RiaParkinson · 27/01/2009 17:46

i once took my dd to an out of hours hosp to be checked

she said someone had hurt her

she was wearing dungarees and the explanaion turned out to be that the dugarees had hurt her when picked up

the person in question was my abuser...

the hospital were great

they asked me if i had any concerns about the person etc

they said all looked fine etc

YES i did fly off the handle a bit but i had reason to
YES i would do the same again

I do not think my dp would leave if i asked him what the op asked her dp. Openness is surely the best policy

He would not abuse my dcs - but i am free to be honest with him about what a child has said...surely?

RiaParkinson · 27/01/2009 17:50

do NOT let me be a threadkiller on this PLEASE!

lovelysongbirdie · 27/01/2009 17:50

ria may i ask why your dd is in contact with your abuser?
ignorne me if thats too personal.

RiaParkinson · 27/01/2009 17:52

i was a fool but have rectified things

MrsFreud · 27/01/2009 17:55

oh come on girls this is a troll, you would have to extraordinarily thick to think that french-kissing a baby is fine...and someone that ignorant need help child-rearing anyway!

RiaParkinson · 27/01/2009 17:56

may be a troll but these issues need airing

Mrs Freud you sound more than qualified

piratecat · 27/01/2009 17:59

if you are not a troll come back when you can because you really should, evn if it's only to say you are busy.

TheBurnsifiedEffect · 27/01/2009 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

waspriceyp · 27/01/2009 18:00

Agree with all here who think this is a wind up. I'm afraid I did from the beginning. Hopefully some of the genuine information given by very caring posters has been some help to others who may be lurking.

IMO if I was as concerned as the OP made out in the initial post, I wouldn't be wasting time on MN. But that's just my opinion.

Molesworth · 27/01/2009 18:02

The OP did come back to say that she was seeking professional help and she hasn't been back since, so you can hardly accuse her of wasting time on here!

Frankly I would have been scared off by all the troll posts if I were her.

modernart · 27/01/2009 18:03

One other explanation that occurs to me for the OP not replying clearly is that she may not have English as her first language?

She never leaves a space after fullstops or commas and some languages do this

Also, it may explain why she doesn't seem to reply the other posts clearly; her English may not be good enough

Just a suggestion

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware · 27/01/2009 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LadyOfWaffle · 27/01/2009 18:03

I can only imagine the 'french kiss' was a big sloppy kiss. DH kisses both our DSs in a 'nom nom nom' kind of way, as do I. If it was a full blown with tongues kiss I am sure the OP would have posted then?

Molesworth · 27/01/2009 18:04

The graphic detail of the kiss is irrelevant really, because the OP clearly felt that it was inappropriate, and that's what matters, surely?

waspriceyp · 27/01/2009 18:10

I think the kiss bit just sent alarm bells off for people and they wanted clarification, just in case it was genuine. I agree with PG, if this is a wind up then at least no one is being abused. If someone is getting off on this because of details other posters have put of their own experience that is horrible. I only mention that because it came up on another thread a while ago and other (wiser) posters warned people off putting too much detail.

FairLadyRantALot · 27/01/2009 18:10

but a french kiss is something completely different to a sloppy smacker...

also, may I jsut say, that trolls sometimes are in it for the long term (have made that experience in the past...where a troll was part of a Birthboard and posted very longterm there, and went through a fair few disasters getting lots of sympathy and taking attention away from people in real need , parents that lsot a Baby, etc...and it turned out it was a teenager with some mental health issues)....by the way, I am not saying that OP is a Troll, just that trolling is not always a shorterm/pssitaking/boredom thing....

chloejessmeg · 27/01/2009 18:25

I agree that it COULD be a troll, but I think that if it is real then the OP is in a really, really hard situation so we should all try and give the benefit of the doubt for a bit longer? She might be busy with her DD, or her DH.

kittywise · 27/01/2009 18:36

This is almost exactly the same as a post at least a year old.I actually thought it must be the original one until I checked the date.

I must say I'm doubtful of it's intergrity.

kittywise · 27/01/2009 18:37

integrity even

piratecat · 27/01/2009 18:40

which post do you mean kitty, as in this is by the same person or is v similar to one?

cory · 27/01/2009 18:54

I don't feel I can make my mind up about that kiss unless the OP explains what happened: was it really a full French kiss (as in, tongue in mouth) or was it simply a slap-on-the-mouth kiss, which lots of people think it a normal part of caring for a baby.

The fact that it made the OP feel uncomfortable doesn't really help us unless we know how easily upset the OP is.

If it was a full French kiss - then definitely act. If it was a kiss on the mouth, then your dh can't be expected to know you don't like it unless you tell him.

PlumBumMum · 27/01/2009 18:57

I was wondering about that too modernart but didn't want to offend op by their lack of grammar

PersephoneSnape · 27/01/2009 19:03

i actually feel physically sick at the thought of someone french kissing a child, and am aghast alarm bells didn't ring at that point.