Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

so am I...or were they...or was I in the first place...??!!

164 replies

misspollysdolly · 25/01/2009 11:13

I'm annoyed with myself that this is bothering me, but I can't quite get my head around who is being the more unreasonable...me or the 'unnamed, concerned' person...?

Here's the story, on a Friday I have a Toddler/baby music class that I do with the DSs which finishes at 3:30, giving me only a little bit of time to drive across town to pick up DD from school. So I arrive at school with only a few minutes to spare and miraculously there is a space just about as close to school as you can get (although the car is out of sight once you are in the playground waiting). Anyway, DS1 comes in with me, but I opted to leave DS2 (1 year) in his seat in the car. Though it through, surmised I would only be a matter of minutes and as he was happy playing with some toy or other I'd just nip in for DD and out again. Which I did. DS2 fine and danay as we arrived back to the car and off we go home.

On Monday DD's Headteacher rang DH to report that a concern had been raised by another parent that I had left the baby in the car. No particualr point to her phonecall...she just wanted me to be aware that concerns were being expressed by others.

Now I feel and also a bit as I feel I am being judged and judged to have been irresponsible at that, even though I don't really think I was. I normally arrive at school with masses of time to spare as I get so stressed finding somewhere to park, so obviously then , both boys come with me and we all wait in the playground for ages(!). I wouldn't ever leave either of them in the car unless it was a for a very short period of time, that I felt I had a good reason, was relatively nearby and was confident (as you can ever be...) that they were safe.

So am I being unreasonable to have left him in the car in the first place...?

Is the 'unnamed concerned' unreasonable to have commented to the Headteacher...?

AIBU to feel so affronted...?

OP posts:
ramonaquimby · 25/01/2009 11:15

yes I'd never leave a child in a car when doing school pick ups esp if car is out of my sight -

LaDiDaDi · 25/01/2009 11:16

Personally I wouldn't leave dd in a car out of sight.
I leave her in the car on a garage forecourt and I've left her asleep on my drive but not if I couldn't see the car.

LadyOfWaffle · 25/01/2009 11:17

Could you see your DS from where you were? If not, I think YABU sorry. I can understand petrol forecourts because it would be more dangerous to take them out than leave them in, but apart from that...

GypsyMoth · 25/01/2009 11:19

leaving baby alone in car,yes,yabu.

the head phoning dh.....unreasonable!!! why not have a quick word with you if necessary,but involving others? its almost like you need telling off from dh....wrong!!

also,come on....who shopped you?

Niftyblue · 25/01/2009 11:19

I would`nt of done it myself

But why could`nt the parent speak to you herself with her concerns ???

sorrento · 25/01/2009 11:20

Somebody who works in the NHS once gave me a good piece of advice, whenever you are in and around the school or teachers you basically need to be a perfect parent otherwise you'll get reported.
Even if you would happily leave them in the car outside a shop or on the drive, you never do anything "wrong" at the school gates.

chancelloroftheexchequers · 25/01/2009 11:21

I wouldn't do it myself but I also wouldn't report someone else for doing it.

beetlemum · 25/01/2009 11:23

YABU. i wouldn't leave the baby alone just in case. could you leave the class earlier to get to school on time? Chances are the person who reported you is a nosy old bag though

morethanyoubargainfor · 25/01/2009 11:25

I wouldn't have done it, i even take my ds 6 in to the petrol station with me or pay at pump

But i do think raisng concerns to the head teacher is over the top.

so probably both being a bit Unreasonable really.

Original poster
misspollysdolly · 25/01/2009 11:28

'I can understand petrol forecourts because it would be more dangerous to take them out than leave them in'...I can see why it looks like I was silly to leave him in the car, but where I had parked (bearing in mind that I usually get there VERY early to get a sensible space), DS2s side of the car opens onto a very narrow, very busy road, so part of my surmising was that to get him out of the car and then have to put him back in the car two minutes later (plus stopping the traffic each time as door would be open, etc etc) was actually more dangerous than nipping in and out, leaving him 'safely' in the car.

I think probably part of the reason I feel a bit is that I accept that this was a bit risky...If I did it all the time, that would be one thing, but I'm that the ONE occasion I did somebody shopped me. NOw I feel a bit watched and like I need to behave myself lest anyone else think I'm a crap mum!!

OP posts:
violethill · 25/01/2009 11:29

I agree with morethan. Probably wouldn't have done it myself (though I had 3 little ones close together, and maybe there were times when I nipped off for a moment, I can't remember!).

But reporting to Head teacher is OTT and smacks of meddling.

piscesmoon · 25/01/2009 11:30

I think it was very cowardly of the person to raise it with the Head and not you directly. At least the Head let you know what people were saying. I think that I would have done the same, but officially you shouldn't. I once left one DS in the car while I carried the other sleeping DS into the house, the car was on the drive. A passing policeman said that I shouldn't have done it.

sorrento · 25/01/2009 11:30

Well that's not a bad policy Miss Dolly because you are being watched, so get used to it, we all are.

GypsyMoth · 25/01/2009 11:30

course you're not a crap mum!!

hold your head high when you next go to the playground! have you any idea who would do that to you?

LittleMadeline · 25/01/2009 11:31

YABU.

I wouldn't leave my baby (also aged 1) in the car alone if I couldn't see it.

I leave him in the car at the petrol station once in a blue moon (DS usually fills my car up for me). And I very, very occasionally leave both of them (DS & DD who is 5) in the car together while I pop into the local shop, but never the baby on his own.

Whoever reported you obviously has nothing better to do with their time though, but maybe is just a bit concerned - I would think that it was a bit dodge if I saw a baby on it's own in the car TBH.

Original poster
misspollysdolly · 25/01/2009 11:36

I don't think the 'shopper' knew whose baby it was...I also angry that it seems there was a bit of detective work going on at school. On Monday morning (before the phonecall from the head) DD said to me 'Mrs Doo-Dah' asked 'Mrs form teacher' to ask me who picks me up on a Friday, so I told her that you did...why did they do that Mummy?" (DD gets picked up by our childminder on Weds as I work then) SO when the phonecall happened I realised they'd been trying to work out whose baby had been left in that car and whether it was me or the childminder who were the offending party...

(Please note: some names may have been changed in the above example...)

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 25/01/2009 11:40

so its someone who doesn't know your car,so doesn't know you too well. in that case,i'd say its just a do gooder!! not someone out to make trouble for you or cause embarassment!

its happened,don't do it again,move on from it. it will be a dim distant bad memory in a few weeks time.what has your dh said??

squeaver · 25/01/2009 11:45

I just wanted to go against the grain here and say I think you are NOT being unreasonable and you shouldn't beat yourself up.

You couldn't have been away for more than - what? - 2 minutes? Your ds was happy, strapped in safely and presumably the car was locked. I would say this was the same as going to pay for petrol which lots of people do.

But I'm pretty sure I'm going to get flamed now so will bow out pretty quickly.

LadyPinkofPinkerton · 25/01/2009 11:48

I have left DS2 in the car before now, when picking up DS1 from school. If it is raining or something, I would rather not have to take him out. The would be in my view, but he would not.

YANBU Totally agree with Squeaver

naturalbornmum · 25/01/2009 11:57

YABU. I would never do this - better to be a couple of minutes late for school run.

sandcastles · 25/01/2009 12:00

I think YABU. I am not surprised you got reported, tbh. You left your self wide open to it. Although head should have spoken to you, not dh.

So he was road side, on a very busy road? What if a car had lost control & ploughed into your car?

naturalbornmum · 25/01/2009 12:00

Also the school will have noted these concerns and if anything else happens they could report you.

PlumBumMum · 25/01/2009 12:05

I can't believe someone rang the principal
If they were that concerned they should have stayed by your car

We all make decisions that sometimes afterward we think oh maybe I shouldn't have done that

for you, your def not a crap mum

Wallace · 25/01/2009 12:06

YANBU it was only for a couple of minutes. Much easier to leave the baby in.

LadyPinkofPinkerton · 25/01/2009 12:08

I am wondering if the differing opinions on this are related to where everyone lives. I live in a small village which is why I see nothing wrong with it, but I wonder if those of you who are saying YABU live in busier built up areas

Swipe left for the next trending thread