so am I...or were they...or was I in the first place...??!!

[misspollysdolly]

I'm annoyed with myself that this is bothering me, but I can't quite get my head around who is being the more unreasonable...me or the 'unnamed, concerned' person...?

Here's the story, on a Friday I have a Toddler/baby music class that I do with the DSs which finishes at 3:30, giving me only a little bit of time to drive across town to pick up DD from school. So I arrive at school with only a few minutes to spare and miraculously there is a space just about as close to school as you can get (although the car is out of sight once you are in the playground waiting). Anyway, DS1 comes in with me, but I opted to leave DS2 (1 year) in his seat in the car. Though it through, surmised I would only be a matter of minutes and as he was happy playing with some toy or other I'd just nip in for DD and out again. Which I did. DS2 fine and danay as we arrived back to the car and off we go home.

On Monday DD's Headteacher rang DH to report that a concern had been raised by another parent that I had left the baby in the car. No particualr point to her phonecall...she just wanted me to be aware that concerns were being expressed by others.

Now I feel and also a bit as I feel I am being judged and judged to have been irresponsible at that, even though I don't really think I was. I normally arrive at school with masses of time to spare as I get so stressed finding somewhere to park, so obviously then , both boys come with me and we all wait in the playground for ages(!). I wouldn't ever leave either of them in the car unless it was a for a very short period of time, that I felt I had a good reason, was relatively nearby and was confident (as you can ever be...) that they were safe.

So am I being unreasonable to have left him in the car in the first place...?

Is the 'unnamed concerned' unreasonable to have commented to the Headteacher...?

AIBU to feel so affronted...?

actually, sorry

List as follows

1. dizzydixie (normal non Burns name)
2. misspollysdolly - although head has HER number

3.tumtumtetum

3 cheers for misspollysdolly

lol X post misspolly sorry

and as for the worrying over what over people will think

feck them all, you do you best by your kids and thats just right in my eyes

as you were

[wobbly-lipped, sentimental emoticon]! Ta ducks! lol Weeti and tumtumtetum!

By LittleMadeline on Sun 25-Jan-09 18:33:56
Chippingin - DD is 5 and knows not to get out of the car, even if someone else tells her to get out. She's sensible. And I did say it was only very, very occasionally.

It's not about whether my child is happy to be left, it's about safety, which is why I don't do it that often'.

[LM - IMO there is far greater risk in trusting a 5 year old to stay in the car, not fiddle with things (handbreak) etc than there is leaving a baby/21 month old safely strapped in their car seat.

I still don't see why you think it's 'ok' to leave your baby in the car with the 5 year old but not without her? To me this is less safe?

(Don't want to argue with you... just trying to understand your POV).]

Just as a note - I have a friend who found it totally acceptable to leave her twin babies in the car at the supermarket while she did a week's shop, because she parked on the edge of the carpark therefore it was safer. How does this differ really? If you say it's because in this case the child was left for a few minutes it's tosh - it doesn't matter how long you leave them, it's asking for trouble for 30 mins o7 5, in my opinion.

LM - It is not tosh the LO is happy to be left while I go to the classroom to get the bigger LO and is always full of smiles - I somehow doubt she'd feel the same if left there for an hour or more! Not to mention I'd worry if she was warm enough, cool enough, thirsty etc etc for that length of time - 5 mins to nip to the classroom - whole different story.

I leave my ds asleep on the driveway while I go and open the front door, this way I can then just take him in and put him in bed without having to juggle him and door keys, but I would never leave him in the car where I couldn't see him. But each to there own.

LittleMadeline I was at the petrol station and saw a woman letting her DS put the perol in and a man that works there came out and told her that the DS shouldn't be using the pump just in case and petrol splurts out into his eyes and also as he was at the same height as the patrol tank there was a risk of him breathing in the fumes and causing damage to his lungs.

I know of someone who regularly left her baby sleeping in the car while she spent an hour doing the shopping. Is that ok because the baby is asleep and not distressed?

dangfando thats a different situation completely. an hour away from the car doing shopping is entirely different than 5minutes running to do a school drop would you not say?

I would say yes, actually, although interestingly all her arguments for doing it i.e. that the child was very unlikely to come to any harm, were exactly the same as the arguments put forward on this thread. The only substantial difference is that if the child got distressed then it would be on its own in that state for much longer. If the argument is that the child is perfectly safe (enough?) in the car then there's really no difference between 5 mins or an hour i.e. the child is still perfectly safe, just might be left distressed a bit longer.

I'm just interested in where people draw the line really. For me it's having the child in sight. So I'll pay for petrol or get cash from a cash point by the road, but I wouldn't walk off and leave the baby out of sight. Clearly other people think that's fine, but only for a few minutes? So how many minutes is ok? 2, 5, 10, 20?

I think there is a HUGE difference to sodding off to shop for an hour than nipping into a school with an older DC for a 5 minute drop off

how does she know whether or not that during that hour the baby/child hasn't woken up?

a school run is a necessity which takes only a moment where as shopping for an hour means its worth her while taking the child out of its seat and into a buggy/trolley etc

I take DD1 to school and have been know to leave DD2 and DD3 tucked up warm and dry in the car whilst I leg it to do so

DD1 knows the other two are waiting so there is no mincing about whilst doing it AND if anyone else wanted to speak to me, either other mum or teacher etc, I'd politely say I couldn't stop and would catch up with them later

just my opinion but then I have my glass half full probably a little too much and considering what I do for employment its quite an admission

Dangfando - Well, my only worry when leaving the DDs in the car in place I deem to be safe is that DD2 (11mo) would become distressed. DD1 (3yo) is old enough not to worry when I say I'll be back in 2 minutes.

So, up to 5 minutes is OK, because that's the longest I'm prepared to risk DD2 being distressed for. Any longer than that (eg a weekly shop) is unacceptable. And even DD1, who is quite happy to be left for a couple of minutes, would get very upset if I were gone for longer. That's how I draw the line. Others may draw theirs differently.

Dizzy - Oi! Why aren't I on your list?

Well I do this all the time - I leave my DS (20 months) in the car when I pick up my DD from nursery.

We need to put things into perspective - - our children are being suffocated by our fears of abduction / being dobbed in to the authorities.

I would have plenty to say if I got a phonecall about this.

I would never leave a small child in a car on its own. I dont like leaving my 15yr old but thats for different reasons .

I dont think you sound like a bad mum and I dont blame you for being upset. Its not like you are well known for doing it all the time. No one likes being told off!
Its done now so I wouldnt let it get you down.

I just cant bring myself to think its ok though - sorry.

I am not a paranoid parent at all but it doesnt seem that much different from leaving a baby alone in a house.

Actually I would l (and did) leave a baby alone, asleep in the house in order to peg out washing on many occasions. I could not hear them or see them for the 5 mins I was in the garden.

Anything could have happened! A stranger could have broken into my house! A pipe could have burst! The roof could have been hit by a freak bolt of lightning from God!

adds MillyR and AnnieLobesder to the 'list'

Perleese can I be on the list?

of course, although I think I'll warn the Head in advance about you as you sound a bit feisty

i wouldnt leave my child in car outside school - specifically becuase other people would talk - thats what school mums do - becuase they are bored and devoid of anything better to do.

i would leave my child in the car in a petrol station - beuase there would be no-oe to berate me

i think you are guilty for being stupid actually. - well a bit dim at the very least, not to think that mums wouldnt gossip about this crime against humanity.

and everyone else isjust bonkers=- theworldisn;tfull of paedos and murderers and car thiefs

My aunt once said would you leave £10,000 sitting on the back seat of your car? I said no she said then how valuable is your child?

Recently a child in a buggy left alone outside a school gate was killed by a drunk driver.

In another incident a toddler was so distressed alone in a parked car the windows were smashed and police and ss called.

A friend of mine had an electrical fault on her car, a wire had shorted out. she returned after popping into the post office to find the interior full of smoke. Luckily she had taken her kids in with her

Unfortunatley sometimes the unexpected/unlikely happens when it does everyone says things like "it wasn't your fault" no-one can expect somthing like that to happen.

Well I think this thread has come up with almost every conceivable what if.

Its not even legal as far as i'm aware.

In my opinion yabu to leave your child in a car alone. Yanbu to be pissed that the head called your husband, she should have had the balls to speak to you personally.

Am wondering however if there may be concerns over the child minder doing the same thing. Or someone thinking that the child minder had your other child too and had left them in the car. There may be more going on than you know about.

Weetie, YearOfTheCat, MillyR - LOL my kind of gals

Ahem... Ahem... I think you might just be leaving someone off your list who wants to be on it

kitkatqueen, these are isolated tragic incidents, sad as they are

am sure that the police will have tried to find owner of veh before windows smashed and SS called - it must have been left in veh for a length of time, not 5 minutes for a school run

I don't know about you but the amount of people who would be willing to smash a car window to steal £10k left out on view would be a hell of a lot higher than the few that are out to steal children - its not about the childs worth, that is a ridiclious comparison

my friends washing machine went on fire and they barely escaped their house, their baby was asleep in his own room, unattended overnight whilst they slept in their - faults also happen but once again not every day occurrence

you can make a bad example out of anything but it is not unreasonable to believe that you child will be safe for only 5 minutes - am sure as with any parent the OP will have carried out a sub consious risk assessment of the situation and deemed it safe enough to run in and run out

and if that is the case then I am no longer crossing a road/answering the door or going on a plane ever again

if you choose not to do so with your children then that it also alright but I, and a few others are of the belief that the world will continue to be a good, safe place thanks to the sensible judgement of our parenting skills

i might nick 10k - i wouldnt nick a child - they cost more in the long run.

KitKatQueen - this is how it was reported in the papers (not exactly reliable I know, but do you know otherwise??)and even if he was alone, how would it have helped for someone to be with him (as it actually seems was the case anyway and unfortunately it didn't help him).

Mrs Woods, who was with Finlay when the four-wheel-drive vehicle mounted the kerb, said: "It's brought it all back today."

The couple have three other children - Livvy, seven, Dillon, five, and Harvey, four.

Mrs Woods said: "Harvey witnessed it, he has flashbacks, episodes of rage. The other two are quite withdrawn, they don't really speak about it."

I know plenty of Mums who would break my back window for £10,000!! But are not bloody likely to take another child while doing the damn school run!! (Before the flaming starts I am just kidding!!!!!!!)

In another incident a toddler was so distressed alone in a parked car the windows were smashed and police and ss called.

Hmmm kind of our point - how long was the person gone for? The 5 min school run or the afternoon in the pub??? HUGE difference.

chippingIn considered yourself 'listed'

bed for me, I've got the school run in the morning

Weetie - Enjoy the Monday morning school run!!!