so am I...or were they...or was I in the first place...??!!

[misspollysdolly]

I'm annoyed with myself that this is bothering me, but I can't quite get my head around who is being the more unreasonable...me or the 'unnamed, concerned' person...?

Here's the story, on a Friday I have a Toddler/baby music class that I do with the DSs which finishes at 3:30, giving me only a little bit of time to drive across town to pick up DD from school. So I arrive at school with only a few minutes to spare and miraculously there is a space just about as close to school as you can get (although the car is out of sight once you are in the playground waiting). Anyway, DS1 comes in with me, but I opted to leave DS2 (1 year) in his seat in the car. Though it through, surmised I would only be a matter of minutes and as he was happy playing with some toy or other I'd just nip in for DD and out again. Which I did. DS2 fine and danay as we arrived back to the car and off we go home.

On Monday DD's Headteacher rang DH to report that a concern had been raised by another parent that I had left the baby in the car. No particualr point to her phonecall...she just wanted me to be aware that concerns were being expressed by others.

Now I feel and also a bit as I feel I am being judged and judged to have been irresponsible at that, even though I don't really think I was. I normally arrive at school with masses of time to spare as I get so stressed finding somewhere to park, so obviously then , both boys come with me and we all wait in the playground for ages(!). I wouldn't ever leave either of them in the car unless it was a for a very short period of time, that I felt I had a good reason, was relatively nearby and was confident (as you can ever be...) that they were safe.

So am I being unreasonable to have left him in the car in the first place...?

Is the 'unnamed concerned' unreasonable to have commented to the Headteacher...?

AIBU to feel so affronted...?

ha, me too - I was supposed to be in bed 45 mins ago.

What if? anything really - the news/media is largely to blame for a lot of the paranoia as the way in which they report stuff seems to give the impression that it's happening all the time, everywhere. I mean, if you take this to extremes, it's now no longer safe to leave your child in a creche/nursery, in case some crazed nutter with a knife gets in there.

I have paranoia - especially after that 15mo was crushed to death in his pushchair by that drunken bitch in her LandRover (or whatever oversized piece of lethal junk she was "driving") - that my DS will have some kind of evil accident like that and I will lose him too soon because he is so lovely (I know I'm not the only one).
That sort of paranoia is harder to deal with in one respect because there is almost nothing I can do to avoid it (accident being the operative word) but easier in others because I take sensible but not OTT precautions in the areas I feel I CAN control.

YABU. I wouldn't leave a baby in a car that is out of your sight even if it was only for a few minutes.

misspollydolly - did you find out who reported you and why they wanted to get you into trouble with the school?

I wouldn't have done it myself, I worry that the car might catch fire or another car crash into it! Irrational I know! But do not agree about another parent complaining to head that's just silly. I take my DD out from the other side of the car by climbing on the back seat if the road is busy etc. Try to forget about it and learn what you can from it.

Something similar happened to me with my dog. We had large estate car and left him on cool summer day ( this was in Scotland) with water, 2 x sunroof and all windows slightly open in a shady place in back of large estate car while we went to look in some shops by a harbour and have a coffee. Dog promptly fell asleep ( he was used to being left in car) Returned to car to find police had been called out with report there was a dead dog in car! Once dog had demonstrated neither dead or hot officious police man did back off - I did manage to work out who had called them from reactions on harbourfront (horribly public)and gave them a right mouthful - said I would not do anything to risk harming very valuable rare breed potential stud dog ( quite rare breed family pet who had no chance of a sex life)But the whole thing left a nasty taste even though I knew would never go back there again.

Curses! I KNEW I would get pulled up on the 'leave a child in the house' comment. Of course I leave my kids in the house when I am in the garden. I meant I wouldnt pop up to the shops for 5 minutes and leave a very young child. I worry more about the things that may happen to me, delaying me and making that 5 minutes turn into 20 or so. This can happen when you are picking a child up from school.

Its not something I would do. But I dont think everyone that does leave a child in a car is Karen Matthews. Not thinking its a good idea doesnt make you an old fuss pot either.

BTW I had never heard that Finley was left alone outside the gates. As far as I knew he was with his mum. But then you cannot plan for suicidal women in 4x4s, off their nuts and intent on self destruction, running from the police, at school pick up time, can you?

chippingin its complicated - very complicated.

I can really only say that in my view and that of the few other informed parents there is an increased risk at our school of leaving kids alone in cars. I would happily tell u personally but don't know how to do that. It is an issue over which I frequently have a moral tug of war. To be honest I would love the opinion of someone completely disconnected and impartial. but there we go.

Coming to this a bit late, but thought I would add that if a childminder left a child in a car unsupervised while popping into a school/nursery/corner shop/wherever and Ofsted were informed then they would have an Inspector turn up on their doorstep to interview them about it. The petrol station safer-in-the-car-than-out argument might win out if the car is visible, but for things like the school run there's no question - the childminder would probably have their registration taken away if they were caught at it more than once. If we're talking being left for more than five minutes then social services would probably be informed as well.

[KKQ - I have just changed my settings to allow you to send me an email so I think it should work if you click on the envelope next to my post].

I have been thinking about all the different responses to this thread and I think that perhaphs some of us are not taking different school parking situations into consideration. At our school there is a carpark, which has several speed bumps and all the parents are very careful and drive slowly (admittedly that's probably due more to the fact that most cars are 4x4's being driven around a carpark designed for Fiat Bambinos!!) and I park on the far side of the carpark in diagonal spaces (so if it were to be hit it would be on the tail not on the door where she is, not that being hit on the tail would be nice but as I said you can't go more than 5 mile an hour in there at best!). Once the carpark is full you have to park out on the road (narrowish country road) - when I am forced to park there I never leave the LO in the car as I feel there is a real risk of the car getting hit while there (people drive too fast on that bit of road, don't give way properly and generally act like twats). I don't need to cross any roads or even the carpark from where I park to get to the older LO's classroom so I feel there is no risk to me (as I feel there would be walking across the road outside our house to post a letter or go to a local shop as someone else compared it to). Also, I know that if anything did happen to me that all of the parents in LO's class know which is my car and know I have another LO in my car and wouldn't hesitate to get her out and she would be perfectly happy with them. So all in all feel she is much safer in this scenario than when I am out in the garden pegging out washing while she is asleep in her cot. So, what I am getting at (in a long winded way) is that maybe some of us are comparing very safe school run parking to very unsafe school run parking... IYSWIM??

Hi chippingin it would not let me send u a message but it would let me send u my email.

Also I agree with yr last post - the situations are diff all over I guess.

Squirrel - I agree and wondered whether someone was concerned that it was the childminders car - after all they asked the child who had picked her up...

As I said b4 there could be more going on than the op knows about...

I think YABU to leave the baby in the car if you couldnt see it, as it isnt something I would personally do,

However this person is BU for calling the pricipal, and the principal is BU for calling DH - much better to have a word with you in the school playground, as he must have known who it was.

I thought of you guys today when a lovely mum, she never shouts is really kind etc left her sleeping toddler in the car parked on the yellow zigzags outside school.
Is that a full house, do I win something ?

sorrento - we have one who does that and isn't even supposed to be driving yet since her c section and doesn't always strap her kids in either.

I guess that makes a pair if not a full house!!! lol!