to think that picking a child up when a dog walks past is only going to reinforce that child's fear of dogs?

[wannaBe]

On way home from school this morning a woman and her child were coming towards me. As soon as the child saw the dog she started to wimper, she didn't scream, or become histerical, she opened her mouth and said she didn't want to pass the dog. Her mother picked her up, and proceeded to carry her, by now perfectly happy, until we passed, at which point she put her down again.

Now, I realize that some children are afraid of dogs for whatever reason. But the reality is that dogs are a part of life, and pandering too that fear to the enxtent that the child doesn't have to walk past the dog is surely not going to help? And is only going to reinforce the child's belief that all dogs are scary and to be feared.

If it was a bounding, snrrling, barking boisteress dog I could perhaps understand it, but it wasn't.

There might be history that you don't know about.
Though I get your point.

Perhaps the mother was in a hurry, perhaps she has seen what happens if she refuses to pick up her daughter, perhaps the mother is afraid of dogs too. Just telling a small child to put up with something does not generally resolve an issue . The mother dealt with it calmly and without any fuss - I think YABVU to question the her actions.

Did you have the dog on the lead?

But ... she didn't know that your dog wasn't prone to barking at children, which would have really freaked her little one out. If I look after any children that are afraid of animals, I make a point of getting them to 'talk' to known and trusted animals, but would probably still avoid unknown ones.

Did the woman and child know that it wasn't a bounding snarling boisterous dog before they got to it?

If a child is scared of dogs then yet they need to get over that fear if possible, but that doesn't mean that the best way to do it is to for the child to be left to walk past every single dog she encounters. Maybe she's been brave and walked past another dog already today, that wasn't quite as close? Maybe a month ago she's have howled rather than just asking? Maybe she's agreed to be brave and try to walk past some other dogs on the basis that any time she really feels she can't she'll be helped?

I think you'd be being reasonable if the mother said "I'm going to pick her up every time we pass a dog and make no effort to get her over her fear". But you can't conclude that that's what the mother thinks from the fact that she picked her daughter up today.

HSMM - ditto, you just don't know what an unknown dog will do or how it will react to a small toddler.

YABU. Just because you love your pooch doesnt mean the rest of us do. Responsible dog owners realise that, the ones who dont give the responsible ones a bad name and make kids (and adults) think that all dogs are potentially dangerous and not to be trusted. If you had to walk past an animal that was as big as you and had teeth the size of your finger wouldnt you be a bit nervous if you didnt know 100% it was friendly?

As someone put in another thread you have to imagine your the dog as taller than you are since that's a child's eye view.

I pick my dd up if she asks...imagine how scarey a dog can appear to a little one...imagine a dog that was your height and it's teeth were possibly level with your face as you walked past....i don't think it hurts to take a child out of a potentially terrifying situation....

Yes YABU for the reasons gigglingoblin states. How can other people know that your dog is safe? Is he/she muzzled when out?

x posts with onager

It's a guide dog.

He was in harness, walking calmly, paid no attention to the mother or the child as we passed them.

In the past I have obviously encountered lots of children who are scared of dogs. Sometimes in the shops, sometimes walking down the street, there was a lad in my ds' class who was scared of dogs when i first started going in, and now my dog is one of his favourites because he was able to be afraid of him from afar iyswim there was no pressure for him to approach the dog and the dog would never approach him.

Obviously different parents deal with the situation in different ways, and I do feel for the kids who become histerical and start crying, although mostly the parents do say that the dog won't hurt them. But this child opened her mouth and the parent picked her up almost immediately.

Obviously how people deal with their children's fears is ultimately up to them, I just think that sometimes we can reinforce those fears by pandering to them on such a level...

A guide dog in harness is probably safe since likely to be highly trained. The only other way to judge an unknown dog is to offer it your child and see if it eats it.

That's the thing you see. You only know afterward if letting it near your child was a good idea.

To be honest if I had a child that was scared of dogs and I knew she might make a fuss if I didnt pick her up, I'd be MORE likely to pick her up and keep her quiet when passing a guide dog as I wouldnt want her fussing/noise to distract the dog from his work iyswim

I'd have done the same, wannabe (and we own a dog!)

dd1 is ASD, and is absolutely terrified of dogs.

she is currently doing well at "getting over" her fears, but if she even starts to look worried, I pick her up.

It reassures her (I do always make a point of saying something like "oh look, the friendly dog wants to say hello")

It takes her away form her perceived danger (unless it is like some dogs we came across once who ran up barking lots, and jumped up to her when she was in my arms. That set us back a long way)

And it averts the hysteria, wich is an important part of her gettign over her fears. If she can get past a dog (whether walking, or carried, or in the safety of her buggy) without gettign upset, then the chances are that is what she remembers next time she sees a dog.

If she gets upset, then equally next time, that is what she remembers

Just out of curiosity how do some children develop a phobia of dogs when so many don't? I can see if they have been bitten (although not all those who have been bitten react that way), or whose parents are scared (but that isn't always the case. Where does it come from?

Yes, I can see that dogs are bigger than they are, have teeth and can be bouncy, but so many children don't seem to be bothered.

I agree with 2p4k. If a child is scared of dogs, it is better to pick them up when passing a guide dog, to avoid a scenario which could be distracting to the work of the guide dog.

YABU

out walking I pass more unresponsibe dog owners than responsible ones

lots of people think leads are just a technicality - what is the point of them people if you dont use them to keep your dog at a distance where it cant jump up on, stick its slobbery nose on or snap at passers by?

You pass very few people who reign their dogs in as they pass people which is VU

Also, dogs can be very unpredictable around small children. You can have and "know" your dog for years and think it is placid but it could still turn on a child at any time.

Maybe the person sensed that you might not be the considerate type who would reign in your dog so it could not reach the child as they passed

If the chid was 15 I would agree with you but its often just a phase and I dont think its fair to scare them, especially when you dont know if they are right to be scared. I would rather my child trusted me to get them out of a scary situation without fuss than they trusted all dogs to not hurt them. I dont want to tell my kids not to worry about dogs because there is such a thing as too confident around unpredictable animals.

My ds went through it and it helped him seeing my friends small, elderly dog who didnt do much, she was very non threatening. So you are right and Im sure you have done a great service to many kids with your dog but its not an issue you can force imo

I feel the same about cats btw, we have 2 and I think its important the kids know they might get scratched so I dont tell them there is no chance the cat will hurt them. Difference is a cat isnt so dangerous and less scary looking!

OI

I think that in some cultures dogs are not thought of as pets; they may be kept outside as guard dogs but they are not kept in the house. A child from such a culture would be brought up to be wary of dogs.

Phobia of dogs may develop by chance, or by bad experiences of the child, or by bad experiences of the parent that are picked up by the child.

OrmIron, i wish Iknew the answer to that one.

dd1 used ot crawl around with our dog when a baby, toddle past her quite happily etc.

Then one day (and I don't know what prompted it, but I do know no bites/growling etc) she was suddenly petrified of our dog.

That was about 2 years ago, and we have progressed to the point where she can (mostly) walk past dogs, and can cope with seeing me in another room with our dog.

But she won't tolerate our dog in the same room, and gets anxious even at the suggestion.

That is odd silverfrog. A pita as well I should think as you already have a dog.

"Just out of curiosity how do some children develop a phobia of dogs when so many don't? I can see if they have been bitten (although not all those who have been bitten react that way), or whose parents are scared (but that isn't always the case. Where does it come from?"

I'm guessing it comes from un responsible dog owners who let their dogs jump up on strangers without any invitation

My dd was chased down our street by a Rotweiller in the summer time, prior to this my ds was ok with dogs, now he is absolutely petrified,especially when dog owners have their dogs on those long expandable leads and let the dog come right up to him. So yes I do pick him up now.

Oops didn't type all of message.

My dd had a phobia prior to being chased and that has heightened now too.