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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be highly irritated about the Twin thread - school trip fees

291 replies

DietDisaster · 09/01/2009 13:49

I can't understand how people think that having two children close together has a similar financial impact as having twins (or higher multiples) .

As a mum of dearly loved DTs, this makes me annoyed because parents of twins have to buy two lots of baby equipment (double pram, two cots, highchairs, nappies!!) at the same time and as they grow nothing can be passed down. Also have to pay two lots of childcare/nursery fees, when they want to do activities they can only do them if you can afford to pay twice (mine have to do exactly the same things as I'm not having either of them miss out). When they start school, two lots of uniform, coats, shoes not to mention trips, then there's beds, larger car, university fees etc, etc.

At least parents who have kids close together can reuse a lot of stuff and anyway, it is their CHOICE to have them close together, you have no choice over whether you have twins and I don't believe that anyone who decides to get pregnant thinks 'oh, better wait until I'm sure I can afford 2 in case I have twins'. People who have children close together can plan to space out their children if they can't afford it.

Therefore, I think schools should help out parents of twins, triplets etc and they should not have to pay the same as singletons!!

OP posts:
violethill · 11/01/2009 21:09

One bouncing happily in a bouncy chair?
Piece of piss then!

MilaMae · 11/01/2009 21:13

It's very distressing having 2 newborns hungry at the same time.

A 15m old can hold food,you know they aren't hungry. To see a tiny newborn in need and you're not able to do anything is horrible.

juuule · 11/01/2009 21:16

And if the 15mo isn't screaming for food but screaming because another child just took a toy off him or hurt him and needs comforting?

violethill · 11/01/2009 21:18

Oh they're 15 months old juuule, they can just put up with it

juuule · 11/01/2009 21:21

Tbh I don't think that I'd be taking newborns to toddler group.
But I accept it might be your postnatal group or some such as you've said the other mums knew you from the babies being tiny.
If they knew you wouldn't one offer to feed one of the babies?

MilaMae · 11/01/2009 21:21

It's not the same.

I've had 3 dc a crying newborn who you can't deal with is not the same as a crying 15m old who can actually get to you and you can cuddle.

Picking up another newborn when you're feeding one is a nightmare and it's constant.

violethill · 11/01/2009 21:24

I think she wants us to just agree with her juuule, that it's absolutely dreadful having twins, and that any other combination of various ages of children is dead simple!

juuule · 11/01/2009 21:30

You are assuming a somewhat compliant 15mo here. Which maybe yours were.
Picking up an hysterical 15mo who has plonked herself down in the middle of the room and refuses to budge (having only begun to walk the week before baby was born) while you're trying to feed a newborn is no picnic either.

There are so many situations.
Young children are difficult at times. Different ages and combination of ages bring their own issues.
I obviously just don't understand the twin thing.

juuule · 11/01/2009 21:31

I think you might be right, Violet.

OHBollox · 11/01/2009 21:33

A 15m old can hold food,you know they aren't hungry. To see a tiny newborn in need and you're not able to do anything is horrible.

I feel like that everytime i see a newborn screaming whilst waiting for a bottle to heat up/cool down but that's a whole different thread.

MilaMae · 11/01/2009 21:34

I've not once said various ages of dc are dead simple I'm simply pointing out the difficulties of having twins and the fact that twins aren't planned unlike families with children of various ages.

juuule · 11/01/2009 21:39

Milamae, you are assuming that all singletons are planned. Not all are.

Some people don't plan a baby and end up with 1 or more.
Some plan for 1 and end up with none.
Some plan for 1 and end up with 1 or more.
Some plan for 1 and hope it might be more but end up with 1.

Lots of permutations.

nooka · 11/01/2009 22:05

My two were 16 mths apart. If dd had been twins I do not think I would have been able to cope at all. As it was I escaped to work after three months! But my lovely nanny had no problems at all (and would probably have been just as serene with another baby too). Maybe that was because she got to go home and relax at 6.30 each night

I don't know why everyone is being so competitive about it, for me I think having two close together makes me more appreciative of how hard work the early years of twins are. But then I think little children and babies are very hard work anyway (I'm not a baby person me).

Finally I imagine those who have lost babies through miscarriage, still birth or cot death would be very happy to have any combination of children, and perhaps we should take a minute to say how much we love and value our children, however much work they might have been or still are. Certainly mine are fantastic - and that goes for the "planned" one as much as the "accident"!

sandyballs · 11/01/2009 22:19

I have twins and I agree that they probably are more expensive than separate children, but there are also many advantages. They generally do the same clubs, after school activties etc, so you're not running around as much.

Haven't read all the thread so not sure if this has been mentioned but the thing that bugs me the most is that my second born twin gets less child benefit than her first born sister. Surely they should both count as our first-born really and get the same?

juuule · 11/01/2009 22:26

Nope, I don't see why twins would be more expensive than multiple separate children in one family.

As regards family allowance - while it stays at the higher rate for the older child then it follows that the older twin would qualify for it.

nooka each pregnancy I had after my 1st m/c (2nd pg) I always hoped that the first scan would show up twins. Felt I was owed 1

violethill · 11/01/2009 22:36

Eh? Sorry, why should two individual children count as a first born? Seems to be a total lack of logic there!

Moondancer · 11/01/2009 22:42

Only one child per family should get the higher CHB rate irrespective of whether they are singles, twins triplets or whatever.

violethill · 11/01/2009 22:44

Exactly - only one child can be first born, by definition!

drinkmoretea · 11/01/2009 23:15

you really don't have a clue, how difficult can it be to understand that having twins does cost more than children of different ages, why don't you take a look on the multiple births website or tamba and do some research if you really think it costs the same, maybe you can also have a look at the campaign they are running regarding child benefit...

blueshoes · 11/01/2009 23:15

MilaMae: "You chose to do the deed, it was your choice."

Don't parents of twins also choose to do the deed? The risk of multiple births is always there for natural conceptions, even more so with IVF.

Not sure why twins per se should be singled out for preferential treatment. The higher cost is down to buying a few items that cannot be shared, which you can get for free on freecycle or for little on ebay anyway. Cannot see that as a big deal.

drinkmoretea · 11/01/2009 23:23

BS -

oh right then, if you have twins you must not buy new

fyi freecycle wasn't around when my dts were born, I have no choice but to shop in sales or charity shops

no one is asking for preferential treatment, you obviously don't have twins which is why you don't see it as a big deal

Tortington · 11/01/2009 23:24

twins don't get preferential treatment IME

it isn't a choice to have twins - don't be ridic - really stretching the argument to say that we all made a choice becuases its a possibility!

its a nice thing if, considering that a choice wasn't made, that orgnaisations and groups take multiples into consideration.

if is often school trips that mean that for other parents of children 'close together' in all but very very rare occasions these children will be in different YEARS allowing the parent to save acordingly

one can't do this with twins.

who gets to decide which lucky twin gets to see HMS Belfast?

Tortington · 11/01/2009 23:28

and can parents who - lets not forget - didn't make a choice to have twins - can WE not dream of the nice pram
the matching bag and changing mats the best car seats the nursery furniture.

of if you have twins - is it a case of of tough shit, wash your baby in a bucket - it does the job love.

come on!!! its so much more than functionality.

blueshoes · 11/01/2009 23:34

Parents of twins can dream of anything. But if they want preferential financial treatment (which is what the OP is about), then they should not expect it unless they have exhausted all avenues.

My point about choice, was in response to MilaMae who says parents of unplanned children made the 'choice' to have (unplanned) children just by doing the deed. That argument should surely apply parents of twins as well. I don't think 'choice' is valid in either instance BTW. Hence neither is entitled to preferential financial treatment per se.

Tortington · 11/01/2009 23:49

i dont know what exhausted all avenues means.

i am not sure why a mother of a singleton would be pissed off that the mother of twins gets a reduced rate for two on a school trip.

personally i wouldn't feel pissed off at all.

becuase school trips , although are the biggestthing we can perhaps point to - the schools at junior level - i found were asking for money weekly.

raffles, gardening days, buy a cake, sponsor a teacher, your twins are walking round the football field 10 time - sponsor them, school fete SUMMER - donations, Winter Donations Autumn Donations

st josephs penny for the poor

can we have money for milk and biscuits mum - to raise funds for xxxx

if you think about what a child asks you for at junior school - then multiply it

i wouldnt for one bit think that i would be pissed off at the mum of twins

and i am not sure why other mums resent fellow mums this bit of slack.