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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be highly irritated about the Twin thread - school trip fees

291 replies

DietDisaster · 09/01/2009 13:49

I can't understand how people think that having two children close together has a similar financial impact as having twins (or higher multiples) .

As a mum of dearly loved DTs, this makes me annoyed because parents of twins have to buy two lots of baby equipment (double pram, two cots, highchairs, nappies!!) at the same time and as they grow nothing can be passed down. Also have to pay two lots of childcare/nursery fees, when they want to do activities they can only do them if you can afford to pay twice (mine have to do exactly the same things as I'm not having either of them miss out). When they start school, two lots of uniform, coats, shoes not to mention trips, then there's beds, larger car, university fees etc, etc.

At least parents who have kids close together can reuse a lot of stuff and anyway, it is their CHOICE to have them close together, you have no choice over whether you have twins and I don't believe that anyone who decides to get pregnant thinks 'oh, better wait until I'm sure I can afford 2 in case I have twins'. People who have children close together can plan to space out their children if they can't afford it.

Therefore, I think schools should help out parents of twins, triplets etc and they should not have to pay the same as singletons!!

OP posts:
MadMarg · 10/01/2009 10:43

So here we are, parents of children bickering and fighting over who has it harder, parents in general, parents of twins, parents of lots of children. And then there are the childless people who complain that people with children get benefits which they don't because they dont' have children and therefore have no use of those services.

For heaven's sakes would people just GET OVER THEMSELVES!!!!! Being a parent is hard, financially unrewarding, but emotionally very rewarding. DEAL WITH IT!!!! Sheesh!!!!

violethill · 10/01/2009 10:45

Hear Hear MadMarg!!

bronze · 10/01/2009 10:52

Have to say when I had my 2 20 months apart that I didnt think we would have to worry about paying for multiple trips but it seems that they only go every other year so two years go at once. We will have to pay for two children at the same time. This wasn't planned either I was a) on the pill and b) dd was 3 months early so should in fact be a year behind the one she will be.

We will either have to manage or ask for help. surely thats how it should be. Theres shouldn't be the assumption that because you have twins you cant afford it. Some parents of twins will earn more than twice the amount we get and some will earn less than us. Surely each situation should be taken individually and no assumptions should be made just because two children are twins.

Sunflower100 · 10/01/2009 12:49

Do you seriously expect pity when you have healthy much loved twins? Well said Madmarg!

GodzillasNewYearsBumcheek · 10/01/2009 13:01

Haven't read all thread, but

(I have twins btw) don't parents of kids who are born close together still need a cot for each, nappies for each, and if different gender, different clothes for each? And if they have kids further apart, that doesn't mean they had space to keep the older child's items/clothes either! I now have DD3 and because we live in a small house, we had to buy everything all over again, despite having two girls the first time round!

As for trip fees, my twins will not be going on the £70+ trips as we can't afford it either.

HammerHeadShark · 10/01/2009 14:53

Good post MadMarg. Pre DCs, including DTs incidentally, I remember guffawing at the following which apparently prepares you for being a parent.

"Set your alarm clock to wake you every hour during the night - each time you get up, burn £200."

Still funny but the laughter a little hollow at times now.

The only time I felt financially penalised for having twins was only receving the baby element of the first year Tax Credits for the first twin, because children born on the same day count as one child apparently

Original poster
DietDisaster · 10/01/2009 20:29

Was I asking for pity .

MadMarg - your post was crap actually. Who's been fighting and bickering (have not read most of the other posts as I tend to ignore when I am not agreed with [grin). I started this thread in response to the other one and yes I still think having twins is more expensive that having singles close together by CHOICE and more financial help should be given!

Will not look at this thread again (la la la - fingers in ears)

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 10/01/2009 20:50

"more financial help should be given"

Why? Parents should support their children, why should others support them or financially assist?

TwoIfBySea · 10/01/2009 21:02

I have dts' (now age 7) and I found it not too bad as when you buy multi-packs of things, such as pack of 2 jammies or whatever, then they could be split between them. I suppose it would have been more difficult with a dts and dtd.

And yes, with the school trips and such, paying both things at the same time rather than having a month or so between siblings.

violethill · 10/01/2009 21:09

Totally agree Happymummy. Just seems a really strange idea that having twins entitles you to be subsidised by everyone else!

One of my closest friends has twins, and I can't see how she's been more stretched financially than we have, with our 3 children, close age gap, and needing two of every piece of equipment, 3 x childcare costs etc.

GodzillasNewYearsBumcheek · 10/01/2009 21:28

It's mainly at the start of the twins' life that they are so expensive to raise. You don't (unless they run in your family or you had more than one embryo implanted in IVF) plan for becoming pregnant with twins or more. That means even if you've saved enough for having one child, and think you can afford to support your family, if you find out you're having twins you're fecked. I imagine becoming accidentally pg when you are already struggling it would be much the same though.

Other than that, i found school uniform no problem until recently (just started secondary school with insanely expensive uniform). School trips are more of a problem, with the twins going on the major (expensive) trips in the same school year, it's just not possible to afford that amount of money (£170 x 2). But they do understand why they won't be going and aren't whinging about it.

violethill · 10/01/2009 21:31

Many other people have to say no to expensive school trips anyway, twins or not!

GodzillasNewYearsBumcheek · 10/01/2009 21:36

Yep. But my idea of an expensive school trip has to be half the price of other peoples!

violethill · 10/01/2009 21:50

I have said no to all residential school trips for my kids, because i know the reality is they're not educational, they're just skiing or shopping.

I'm a mean mummy

GodzillasNewYearsBumcheek · 10/01/2009 21:55

LOL. It's the social aspects which they are good for though. Bonding etc. Didn't do me much good though!

naturalbornmum · 10/01/2009 22:02

I still have to buy 2 pairs of shoes, pay for activities twice etc. Prehaps I should not have chose to have more children? YABU. 2 kids - 2 x payment - no way I would be happy to subsidise twins.

naturalbornmum · 10/01/2009 22:04

There are lots of positives to have twins:-

1 pregancy
1 labour
1 'baby time' albeit harder
Both go to school at the same time
Company for each other
Baby proofing can be removed all at once ETC

Of course unless you chose to have more.

breadandroses · 10/01/2009 22:12

I have twins and have found them significantly less expensive than my singletons. I had baby gear already, used cloth nappies and co-slept, and didn't buy them as much stuff as the first two needed.

However when they start school I fully expect to be crucified for shoes, clothes, classes, trips etc.

Wouldn't expect to be subsidised for it though.

SummerNights · 10/01/2009 22:12

Sorry but the OP is complete rubbish - I got pg with my ds when dd was 8 months old compltetly unintentionally so similar applies. The 'options' for me were the same as any multiple birth, I have been reading about the lady with quins who has been offered 'selective termination'

Also my dcs now wear exactly the same size clothes so no handing down and anyway have you tried finding unisex clothes?! I have to pay for 2 for activities as they have similar interests and anyway would not leave one out so they now do cost the same as twins; even as babies being so close in age (and dd small / ds larger) we still needed 2 of everything / double buggy etc as dd had not grown out of it before ds was ready for it.

I would never expect BOGOF - if I cannot afford something we save up or do without!

GodzillasNewYearsBumcheek · 10/01/2009 22:13

NBM - actually i felt cheated by only having one pregnancy. Also you know how people say 'they're only this young once'? You don't even see it if you have twins because you're having to divide every minute between two.
they don't learn to share because they they don't give each other the chance, and there is never an older one who understands slightly more and you can reason with a bit.

BTW the OP has said she isn't returning to the thread so i'm just here replying cos i joined in late and i'm annoying

breadandroses · 10/01/2009 22:14

Summernights there are plenty of unisex clothes available if you avoid the gimmicky stuff.

OHBollox · 10/01/2009 22:31

Maybe summernights wanted her girl in pink and boy in blue just like everyone else on the planet

GodzillasNewYearsBumcheek · 10/01/2009 22:35

I like my girl in red.
Or green, purple, yellow, blue. Her clothes are not unisex though.

(ok i admit, she has some pink clothes too)

naturalbornmum · 10/01/2009 22:51

"Also you know how people say 'they're only this young once'? You don't even see it if you have twins because you're having to divide every minute between two."

Godzilla - ditto with 2 kids soon to be 3!

GodzillasNewYearsBumcheek · 10/01/2009 23:01

But you got it with your first (i hope). Which is why we stupidly went for child number 3 - we blinked and we missed it with the DTDs. DD3 has been totally different. although due to feeding problems she actually seemed as difficult as the twins were, at least she wasn't competing for attention with another sibling the same age. I think if we had had more support (any support) with the twins, we wouldn't have felt this way.

Btw i wouldn't advise going for another kid because you feel you've 'missed' the older ones, because obviously it can't bring their babyhood back!