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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to think it wasn't up to nursery staff to tell DD this?

226 replies

HollyCherry · 31/12/2008 12:16

Just interested in opinions really.

DD is 4.3 and last night gave me a big soppy hug and said, "I want to marry you when I grow up"

I told her that girls can't marry girls, to which she replied - "Yes they can - x at nursery says girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys"

I have a feeling I'm going to get flamed for even raising the subject - but I really don't expect the nursery to be filling a 4 year old in on these kind of details?

OP posts:
aGalChangedHerName · 31/12/2008 12:18

Well girls can marry girls so they couldn't say the opposite could they?

Thunderduck · 31/12/2008 12:18

It wouldn't bother me in the least and it's the truth.

hippipotami · 31/12/2008 12:18

I don't think they really took it upon themselves to explain about same sex marriages.
More likely, one girl may have exclaimed to another girl 'I want to marry you', another child piped up 'you can't', so the teacher then said 'yes you can' without elaborating further.

Why would you be upset with the nursery telling the truth?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 31/12/2008 12:19

but they can, can't they ??

stickybeaker · 31/12/2008 12:19

But it's true. If she knows this now then hopefully she can grow up to be a bright, tolerant member of society.

littleducks · 31/12/2008 12:20

but they can't

sparklesandwine · 31/12/2008 12:20

well what do you expect them to do lie?

girls can marry girls so you were infact wrong to tell your dd that

scifinerd · 31/12/2008 12:20

There are children being brought up in single sex families. I think it should not be made into a big deal. It is part of life and should be accepted as such.

domesticslattern · 31/12/2008 12:20

Good grief, it doesn't sound like she had a lesson in it. Sounds like the nursery staff answered a question with... the truth.

kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 31/12/2008 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FairyMum · 31/12/2008 12:21

Well, girls cannot marry their mothers, so at least that is true.

KingHerodNametaken · 31/12/2008 12:21

What exactly did you want the nursery staff to say? That boys can't marry boys? Then they would be lying.

cornsilk · 31/12/2008 12:21

Why would you think this is an issue?

findtheriver · 31/12/2008 12:21

How did the subject come up at nursery?

I think it's wrong (not to mention unhelpful) to tell lies to children, so if the children were learning about celebrations or something, and the question came up, then it's fair enough that the question was answered truthfully.

Surely it would have been simpler to just explain to your dd that children can't marry their own parents, rather than saying 'girls can't marry girls'?

mrsmaidamess · 31/12/2008 12:22

I doubt it will scar her for life. She's 4. Why are you worried about it?

aGalChangedHerName · 31/12/2008 12:22

Children need to know the truth from the adults caring for them. Even if it is sometimes uncomfortable for the adult concerned.

DoubleBluff · 31/12/2008 12:22

does it matter?
Both my DS's know what being gay is, it's not an issue anymore.

littleducks · 31/12/2008 12:22

From Home office website:

The Civil Partnership Act 2004 came into operation on 5 December 2005 and enables a same-sex couple to register as civil partners of each other.

i thought this was discussed when the act was introduced, a civil partnership is not a marriage although very similar

mrsmaidamess · 31/12/2008 12:23

I think the universal MN vote is YABU.

LiffeyValleyOfTheDolls · 31/12/2008 12:23

I think it saves an awkwrad conversation later on... easier this way than at 9 saying, so? can men marry men? do they want to? how? why?

This is easier!!

I don't think yabu though to mention to your daughter that it's unusual for men to marry men and women to marry women. That's factual.

I'd be surprised at this coming up in conversation at my own son's nursery tbh! How does 'oh look blue play dough today!' segue into 'girls can marry girls'.... just wondering

aGalChangedHerName · 31/12/2008 12:23

You are splitting hairs littleducks.

stickybeaker · 31/12/2008 12:24

Actually, the more I think about this the more annoyed I'm getting. I have good friends and relatives who are gay and I'd be so proud if my daughter was able to know they can marry who they're in love with, regardless of gender.

I'm going to walk away now. Oh and maybe you should steer clear of the gay/bisexual parenting boards. I have a feeling that they might agree with your nursery staff!

yama · 31/12/2008 12:25

If my dd gave me a big soppy hug and said she wanted to marry me I would glow inside (Daddy is usually her favourite).

LiffeyValleyOfTheDolls · 31/12/2008 12:26

Ah janeymackers calm down!!

Marriage and civil partnerships is grown up stuff.

i'm not the OP, but I don't want my 3 yr old being overwhelmed with any details that are only relevant to adults. I don't want him know about trackers and isas and worry about school fees and braces either.

scifinerd · 31/12/2008 12:26

yes the nursery should have explained the difference between a civil partnership and a marriage . Really what are those nurseries coming to?