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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I didn't stand up for DD, feel bad

124 replies

LeatherOnLeather · 27/12/2008 20:50

DH took DD (4) to his parents for lunch today. I didn't go. When I went to pick them up tonight MIL pulled me aside and said she had had to tell off DD several times for being rude and vulgar. I asked what she had been doing and MIL said "She kept calling the toilet the bog, shouted that the 'bog roll' had ran out etc

I feel really bad because this is just what we say at home, however I didn't tell MIL this as I felt embarrassed so didn't stand up for DD when I should have done.

Be honest, is it really vulgar to talk like this? we always have done, It didn't occur to me that anyone would find it offensive or is MIL just being precious?

OP posts:
onebatmotherofgoditschilly · 27/12/2008 20:53

Oh god.
Honestly? I would notice it. It's .. you know... a bit rude. Rather like saying arse for bottom - fine, in it's place, but a bit odd for a 4 year-old.

MIL is a bit made for mentioning it, though.

holidaywonk · 27/12/2008 20:54

Your MIL sounds as though she's deeply insecure. Only people who are secretly worried about their own class 'status' care about rubbish like this.

If your dd was calling it 'the crapper', your MIL might have a point, but 'bog'... really not worth being mean to a four-year-old, IMO.

holidaywonk · 27/12/2008 20:54

OBM

DiscoDizzy · 27/12/2008 20:55

TBH I don't like people talking like that and yes I think its vulgar but thats how you talk so I would've told her that your DD speaks how you want her to speak. If someone criticised my DD for talking how I talk, i'd tell them to keep their nose out. Its personal choice.

Anna8888 · 27/12/2008 20:55

Obviously your children will learn to speak the way you do.

It isn't great if children say bog rather than loo or lavatory or toilet (all of which are fine). Lots of people would find a 4 year old saying bog a bit offensive.

Original poster
LeatherOnLeather · 27/12/2008 20:56

I was looking on supermarket compare on money saving expert last night and noticed they had written bog roll too. (on the actual site, not the forums)

OP posts:
MmeHereWeGoAWassailLindt · 27/12/2008 20:57

We used to say bog when I was young. I wouldn't blink an eye hearing a 4yo use that word. Your MIL could have been more gentle with your DD.

Don't worry about it. Children soon realize which words they can use with parents or grandparents.

Thunderduck · 27/12/2008 20:57

Perhaps you should tell your MIL that the word 'toilet' is often considered to be vulgar.

I'll admit that hearing bog would make me wince, if it came from an adult or a child, but it isn't really her place to say anything about it.

hercules1 · 27/12/2008 20:58

I wouldnt use these words with a 4 year old. You dont want her using them with other people especially when she starts school. You should have owned up to mil. Why didnt your dh?

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 27/12/2008 20:58

MIL is being precious and decidely snobby. If that's all she had to "tell your dd off" for then you must have a lovely dd.

Maybe apologise to dd tomorrow for not standing up for her ( only if she overheard the conversation) and say that obviously it's something that upsets MIL and maybe if she can remember not to use those words at her house, as some strange people have an objection to them!!!

In addition if your dh is there why on earth did your MIL feel the need to bleat to you on the behaviour of your daughter???? VVV odd woman!!

What's dh's take on the situation??

Shitemum · 27/12/2008 20:58

It's not fair of your MIL to tell her off for being 'rude and vulgar' when she
A. wasn't being deliberately rude
B. probably doesn't even understand the concept of being vulgar anyway

Call your MIL and tell her you are sorry she thinks you are vulgar, as that is basically what it is about, and ask her what she would like you to train DD to call the little room instead...

silly old bat...your MIL

Quattrocento · 27/12/2008 20:59

Sorry but I would notice this and blink a bit.

thisismynewname · 27/12/2008 21:00

Be honest, is it really vulgar to talk like this? - Yes.

is MIL just being precious? No precious to think you sound rather common and uncouth but precious to not let it pass her by.

MmeHereWeGoAWassailLindt · 27/12/2008 21:00

Actually, thinking about it we used to say "bog roll" but never say that we were going to the bog. Don't know why.

I still think that your mil sounds slightly Mrs Bucket-like

spicemonster · 27/12/2008 21:01

If that is what you say at home, why didn't your DH point that out?

solidgoldstuffingballs · 27/12/2008 21:01

OH FFS. Your MIL might have had a point if your DD asked for the shithouse, I suppose - if your ILs are very Hyacinth Bucket/euphemistic then you're going to have to spend time discussing semantic values and euphemisms with your DD anyway. Actually, you are going to have to, because we all do, in a sense of 'different houses, different rules'.
Smile sweetly at your MIL and say that at home you prefer to be natural, spontaneous, open and direct about natural functions, but if she would like to give you a list of her preferred household terms you will explain them to DD for future reference.

TheFallenMadonna · 27/12/2008 21:01

God, my MIL would have swooned if my 4 year old said that

Quattrocento · 27/12/2008 21:02

Trying to see this from MIL's point of view (as a self-confessed blinker at the word bog) surely she thinks she is just being helpful? Although I wonder why she didn't raise the issue with your DH?

thisismynewname · 27/12/2008 21:02

Oh wait.

Trip trap.

Quattrocento · 27/12/2008 21:03

Why trip-trap?

thisismynewname · 27/12/2008 21:05

Two posts from this poster - one a couple of minutes before the OP to check the namechange had worked.

Then this - a yawnsome attempt to start another class debate on here, with some MIL bashing thrown in.

2/10.

DiscoDizzy · 27/12/2008 21:06

you've lost me!

hercules1 · 27/12/2008 21:07

Why cant they just be a name changer of a newbie?

Nighbynight · 27/12/2008 21:07

maybe she is ashamed of saying Bog, and doesnt want us to know her by her real nickname!

TheFallenMadonna · 27/12/2008 21:07

Eh?

Bit dull for trolling surely?

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