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AIBU?

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Original poster

I didn't stand up for DD, feel bad

124 replies

LeatherOnLeather · 27/12/2008 20:50

DH took DD (4) to his parents for lunch today. I didn't go. When I went to pick them up tonight MIL pulled me aside and said she had had to tell off DD several times for being rude and vulgar. I asked what she had been doing and MIL said "She kept calling the toilet the bog, shouted that the 'bog roll' had ran out etc

I feel really bad because this is just what we say at home, however I didn't tell MIL this as I felt embarrassed so didn't stand up for DD when I should have done.

Be honest, is it really vulgar to talk like this? we always have done, It didn't occur to me that anyone would find it offensive or is MIL just being precious?

OP posts:
MrsSnape · 27/12/2008 22:44

DS2 has adopted the phrase "I'm going for a Guns n Roses".

This came about because he heard someone say they were going for a "slash". He asked me what that meant, I told him, he thought it was hilarious and changed it to Guns N Roses.

Of course, if he says that at school, they'll wonder what the hell he's on about.

treedelivery · 27/12/2008 22:45

That was the op's actual concern wasn't it - that she hadn't stood up for dd and feels bad as a result as dd has no idea this word may be considereed less polite in some homes.

We should maybe focus on that as the question of what is acceptable and what isn't will simply never be resolved.

It is acceptable language to the op, not to the mil. I can understand why you didn't stick up for dd op, and I can see why you feel bad about it. I don't honestly know what I would have done in your shoes - but I'd chat with dd and let her know she wasn't naughty but that nanna like things one way and mummy another, that it's a confusing world and it's Ok to make mistakes or mix things up.

Wouldn't give a hoot what mil thought to be frank.

Now I've pondered it, I also dislike it when people say 'silly mummy' or whatever. Like Peppa Pig. I think calling someone silly for making a mistake is rude and actually quite 'loaded' - but it's a very normal thing to do. It's such a personal thing.

pantomimEDAMe · 27/12/2008 22:46

lol at windypop debating euphemisms.

FWIW, windy, you are wrong about "Smallest Room, or Bathroom/Powder/Ladies/Mens' Rooms" being posh. Lower middle class.

ScottishMummy · 27/12/2008 22:46

anyone said dunny yet

holidaywonk · 27/12/2008 22:52

My OED has 'bog' (for toilet) as 'informal', not 'vulgar' (which is how it clasifies 'shit' and 'fuck'), so definitely not a swear word.

Quattrocento · 27/12/2008 22:52

Isn't it just a case of - "Well we say bog but some people think this is rude so when you are out and about best just to call it the loo".

windypop · 27/12/2008 22:53

Nooka, no the point wasn't to compare a visit with a MIL to having a job interview just to try and explore if the OP would use "bog" under all circumstances, or if there were some that she thought she would use a different term, and if so, why.

Personally I think among friends and family that they shouldn't mind what you choose to call the, er, facilities it's not important.

However, out of the circle of people who love you just as you are (ie employers), the choice of descriptive words you employ does provoke judgement in others, rightly or wrongly, and it's up to us as individuals whether or not we care about that judgement.

Coldtits · 27/12/2008 22:54

Ok then, the majority of people with English as a first language in this country consider the polite word to use if you want someone to repeat what they said is "Pardon".

Not "What".

So WHY is "What" considered the 'U' and "Pardon" considered 'vulgar'? Who, precisely, decided that, and why on earth should I go along with what they think is right?

It's certainly nothing to do with the majority of society. I think if you hang around on MN too much you can get an entirely false sense of what the rest of parenting society actually cares about outside privileged enclaves of the South East of England.

windypop · 27/12/2008 22:55

panto!

Oh yes it IS posh!! Arf, arf. See what I did there...

Moving on, is there another word for posh, anyway?! I hate the word posh.

treedelivery · 27/12/2008 22:55

OP, you could rebel and declare to mil that to fail to ensure an adequate supply of ladies room papier du toilet [excuse poor French here, I is not posh] was highly remiss and uncouth of her, and would never happen in your ladies retreat with powdering facilities.

amialazyfecker · 27/12/2008 22:56

so what about an adult who says
just gotta go for a wee?

ScottishMummy · 27/12/2008 22:57

whit about haw ah need a pish

Nighbynight · 27/12/2008 22:57

windy, No, because posh people dont say posh? they just are

holidaywonk · 27/12/2008 22:57

Coldtits, don't let yourself be driven mad by this U and non-U business. Really. People who care about this stuff are...

Nighbynight · 27/12/2008 22:58

...twats?

holidaywonk · 27/12/2008 22:59

Except for OBM, who is merely misguided in this rare instance.

Nighbynight · 27/12/2008 23:00

sorry, was just trying to keep the level of this thread firmly low!

solidgoldstuffingballs · 27/12/2008 23:00

I did once take a phone call for a work colleague and inform the caller that 'He can't take your call, he's gone for his afternoon dump.'

This was due to a) being very tired of said colleague announcing his excretory habits all day and every day and b) knowing who the caller was and that said caller would be amused rather than outraged.

Quattrocento · 27/12/2008 23:01

I do actually agree with you Coldtits. I think the U and Non-U stuff is quite hilarious. I particularly like the fact that the term "teacher" is Non-U.

holidaywonk · 27/12/2008 23:02

Is this the same code of behaviour which specifies that one must NEVER read a novel in a drawing room? And that marmalade is only acceptable if it is homemade? Truly snort-worthy.

pantomimEDAMe · 27/12/2008 23:03

windy

Dh has been doing the whole 'oh no it isn't/it's behind you' gag endlessly since he booked panto tickets a fortnight ago. VERY wearing. Especially as we are seeing another one tomorrow. (I'm not particularly fond of panto but family members made the arrangements.)

thumbElf · 27/12/2008 23:04

I don't think I would have a problem with her saying bog-roll, but bizarrely would be a bit if she asked to go to the bog! I am strange, obviously...

treedelivery · 27/12/2008 23:05

I know a mil who says 'preserve'. That be jam bought on a BOGOFF from Morrisons I believe. Top comedy.

windypop · 27/12/2008 23:05

Ah but Nighby, not asking what posh people call themselves per se, just what is a better word than "posh"? Perhaps more a query for Pedant's Corner.

LOL @ Scottishmummy's "pish"!

pantomimEDAMe · 27/12/2008 23:06

People who have drawing rooms generally couldn't give a tinker's cuss about the rules of etiquette, I find. Although they can be relied upon to know whom should sit next to whom at a dinner party involving at least one Bishop, the Master of Christchurch, the Brazilian Ambassador and the second son of an Earl.