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AIBU?

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Original poster

I didn't stand up for DD, feel bad

124 replies

LeatherOnLeather · 27/12/2008 20:50

DH took DD (4) to his parents for lunch today. I didn't go. When I went to pick them up tonight MIL pulled me aside and said she had had to tell off DD several times for being rude and vulgar. I asked what she had been doing and MIL said "She kept calling the toilet the bog, shouted that the 'bog roll' had ran out etc

I feel really bad because this is just what we say at home, however I didn't tell MIL this as I felt embarrassed so didn't stand up for DD when I should have done.

Be honest, is it really vulgar to talk like this? we always have done, It didn't occur to me that anyone would find it offensive or is MIL just being precious?

OP posts:
Original poster
LeatherOnLeather · 27/12/2008 21:07

omg I posted this before I posted the reply to the other thread! Its hardly a class debate

Trust me, If I was going to troll, I'd make it bloody funny! This is just something that happened today, hardly trolling material.

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 27/12/2008 21:09

none of you are right,it is the cludgie

thisismynewname · 27/12/2008 21:09

SO you genuinely don't realise that the term 'bog' makes you sound rough as old boots?

holidaywonk · 27/12/2008 21:10

Being mean to small children is considerably less classy than using the word 'bog'.

Shitemum · 27/12/2008 21:13

wonk has the ideal one-line come back for your MIL

NancysGarden · 27/12/2008 21:14

I sympathise, would also feel bad but she obviously caught you on the hop. Not sure telling off is the right answer though. If this is language you think is reasonable in company, MIL should mind her own. If you are embarrassed and are considering a change of vocab, just model and ignore the 'old' words when DD says them (DP be on board too, of course.) IMO these are not offensive words, but they are slang. What do you think of following (geek alert, sorry!)
source:

Bobby - police officer
Dosh, Ackers - money
Good Egg/ Bad Egg - moral person/immoral person
Bloke, Chap - man
Mad - insane
Chuffed - pleased, happy
Bags - claiming something because you are first to say so
Whinge - to complain or whine
Pissed - drunk
Spud - potato
Fag - cigarette
Quid- pound money
Bird - girl

Personally don't mind good egg or chuffed or bags or dosh, not sure about rest don't really use but not offended by them

pantomimEDAMe · 27/12/2008 21:15

Suspect MIL thinks you are A Bad Influence on her ds and grandchild. Otherwise why mention it to you, when dh was there?

I do think bog sounds a bit, um, forthright, from a small child.

revjustawantsteethingtostop · 27/12/2008 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nighbynight · 27/12/2008 21:22

I am amazed how many people think that bog is, um "rough"
we use it as well.

but I favour the german word now "klo"

revjustawantsteethingtostop · 27/12/2008 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NancysGarden · 27/12/2008 21:24

which means 'loo' nightby, slang of another lanuage is still slang (agree, does sound nicer

tiredsville · 27/12/2008 21:24

I think your MIL is unreasonable. Fair enough, she could have said it sounds a bit cringey hearing DD say the forbidden word 'bog' but pulling you to one side stating DD was 'rude and vulgar' is a bit mean IMO.

Quattrocento · 27/12/2008 21:26

Just checked with DD and DS what the loos are called in their schools. They looked blank and said "toilets" in unison. I asked if there were any other words and they said no.

Original poster
LeatherOnLeather · 27/12/2008 21:29

It was always bogs at our school. I don't think it sounds rough, I've heard worse:

Shitter
Shit machine
Shit house
piss hole

etc

OP posts:
Bauble99 · 27/12/2008 21:29

Leather.

Sounds as though your DD is growing up in a relaxed and funny (in a good way!) family.

I bet your MIL has net curtains and prefers 'toilet'.

My MIL swears like a trooper and is one of the most articulate, educated and intelligent women I've ever met. She's toned it down a lot since we've had the boys but still refers to someone as a coded 'See You Next Tuesday' even if they're around.

I also agree that she should have spoken to your DH about this if it really bothered her, and let him pass on her concerns.

TheFallenMadonna · 27/12/2008 21:30

Ah, but your children go to posh schools dont they?

They tend not to be referred to as toilets in my school..

Bauble99 · 27/12/2008 21:36

Loo or lav are posh.

chloemegjess · 27/12/2008 21:42

I wouldn't want my DD saying Bog, and wouldn't like hearing it when she is in ear shot.

It isn't a nice word. I would say loo or toilet.

Quattrocento · 27/12/2008 21:45

Okay - here's a test of prissiness - how would those people who object to the word bog feel if their DCs brought someone around to play who used the word bog?

Would you:

(a) Do nothing
(b) Say nothing but quietly discourage the friendship
(c) Say something

I'm firmly in group (a) but DH is equally firmly in group (b)

themulledmanneredjanitor · 27/12/2008 21:46

i would never say bog and would be displeased if my children said it. it's not a good thing for children to learn to say in pblic i don't think becaise people will disapprove. why would you want your little girl to say bog anyway? it sound s so rough-like something a pisse up bloke on a stg night might say.

Heated · 27/12/2008 21:47

I'm a snob because I'm with the MIL (first time I think I've ever posted that!)

themulledmanneredjanitor · 27/12/2008 21:47

i would c] say something!
like i do if kids don't say please or thank yu-just a gentle reminder.

as most kids who come to our house are 8 year old boys i would probably say something like 'do you mean the loo? ' and give a pointed look!

TotalChaos · 27/12/2008 21:49

a). couldn't give a erm shit. Having had a child with severe language delay, I've not been able to take any sentence for granted - so I'm pretty relaxed about coarsish slang.

Coldtits · 27/12/2008 21:50

ridiculous.

Who are you people to decide what is 'rough' and what is not? Who the hell gave you lot a gavel?

"Quietly discourage the friendship"

My sweet Jupiter, how distressingly nouveau!

Quattrocento · 27/12/2008 21:53

LOL - have repeated that to DH. He was not remotely abashed. I think that you can't choose your DCs friends but DH thinks that children should be guided.