to be fatter than I used to be?

[frankbestfriend]

Dh told me last night that he would like it if I lost a bit of weight in the New Year.
Before dd I was a size 8/10, and now I am a 12.

He has said this before, a few years ago he told me I was getting too big (again when I had gone up to a size 12), and it led to all sorts of problems. I very stupidly began to starve myself, and that went on for around 9 months, until I was back to a size 8.

Now I am back to a size 12, and although I would like to be skinny again, I feel that I would rather be free to eat what I please and be a bit bigger.I do a dance class every week and am quite active.

I feel terrible this morning, and I can't bring myself to eat breakfast as I feel fat and disgusting.

So am I being over sensitive? Or is he bu?
I must stress he was not being nasty about it, it was very much an "I love you but..." conversation.

You can control weight.
You can't control losing an arm or a finger.
I have no tolerance for people with no self control over food. Especially now I am living in Bangladesh some fo the year where most peopel are starving.

It's quite something to one minute be surrounded by malnourished children pulling at your clothes and fightiong over the one packet of crisps you have in the car and the next negotiating obese huffing people in Tescos who have to lean on thier trolleys to get around.

Exactly expat, great post.

Moondog really or are you being sarcastic? really? DP has been various weights and it wouldn't bother me unless he was unhealthily huge (because I would worry about him getting ill).

(I actually like a few extra pounds on a man though... and so do many, many men like it on a woman)

moondog - at your very vivid description of the two opposite poles of malnourishment.

moondog, we're talking about an OP who has gone up one dress size.

are you for real?

i can get my weight back down to what it was - tbh, i don't even know what it was because i never weigh myself i just go by clothes size as i've always been athletic and have a lot of muscle mass - but my shape is and always will be different.

my boobs even dropped a whole cup size and went down several sizes - from 36C to 32B.

should i get a tit job to gain that back because it's not what it used to be?

Am I being sarcastic about telling my dh I don't fancy him fat or the situation in bangladesh?

No, am deadly serious on both counts. The thing is, noone who is fat feels good about themselves. I hate that sluggish post Christmas feeling (althoguh love nothing more than good food and the occasional monumental piss up).

Expat,earlier I said

'I don't think it's nice to be fat either.In fact,I think it is repellant.

(Doesn't mean that the OP's dh isn't a loon though.) '

He is mad obviously.

It isn't just about diet though. I had a major tear around tummy (can't remember what it's called) and need to do the exercises the physiotherapist prescribed.

Sometimes it takes some women longer to get back to normal after the birth.

Moondog you must know there's so much more to it than that. Obesity is not just about a simple matter of self-control over food intake, as if it were so easy. It is about food content, food habits, food culture, as much on a society level as individually - and as we have seen recently in the news, it's often about how you are brought up and what happens before you are 5, which a person is not in control of, their parents and society are. PLUS some overweight people do have metabolic problems, and some have eating disorders which are an illness and horribly hard to battle. You shouldn't look at a fat person and just judge them for being weak.

God i don't think everyone should be stick thin or perfect,I just think people should learn some self respect and self control (God i know I sound like a mad old colonel in the Home Counties but bear with me).

Like the obese mother I see at school who has been moaning to me (she tells me,I ne ver ask) about her weight for years.

Today she told me she is getting a treadmill for Christmas and that 2009 will see 'a new me'. Then she jumped into her car and drove the 1/4 mile (flat) back to her house.

Snowleapard that is bollocks. Your attitude is indicative of the refusal to take personal responsibility that is endemic in our society.

95% of the time peopel are fat because they don't know when to stop ramming food into their cakehole.

No more, no less.

Yes i thought you might be being sarcastic about mentioning a few extra pounds to your DH and not wanting to shag someone with a gut (if a gut means a few extra pounds, rather than Bernard Manning-style). I thought you might be taking the piss out of the OP's DH with such a rigid attitude! Wasn't to do with the bangladesh post.

I agree with your last post, moondog.

It is really simple to lose weight: eat less, move more.

No,I don't want ot shag a fat man and if he got fat I would probably sleep with someone else.
Likewise if i got fat,it's possible he would too.

i'd have to move A LOT more to be size 6 again. even if i did, i don't know that i'd ever get there again because my shape has changed.

i don't have the time to do that anymore, i have to look after little kids and work and find time to sleep in there.

still manage to keep fit, because it's important to me to be healthy especially as i have hypertension.

but things change over time and so do peoples' bodies.

Right I'm off to do some extreme housework in preparation for my dh's arrival home after 8 weeks away.
He'd better not have put any bloody weight on.

but moondog, certainly you understand from the OP that she's not fat and has only gone up one dress size after having given birth.

i certainly have myself and my boobs have gone down a few sizes.

Moondog I totally agree that some people do not make changes that could reduce their weight, when they could do so. I am not excusing them, I'm just saying obesity as a general problem, is more complex than what you say. A person could be brought up with a terrible attitude to food, seeing it as a comfort thing/associating it with love, or having been forced to always clear their plate. They could have been brought up habitually eating junk and not even having a clue how to eat healthily. Your stomach changes size depending on your food intake, so an overweight person can still feel hungry when they don't need excess food. Depression, eating disorders, response to abuse - all these things can play a huge part too. I'm astonished that as a health professional you sit in judgement on people like that.

Yes, people should control what they eat and eat well - I try to and I try to bring DS up that way too. Not denying that. But there are other forces at work. To say so isn't to say no one should have individual responsibility.

I agree with Moondog and Anna8888. I really struggle to keep my weight down as I LOVE food and love cooking. I found it really hard turning 40 and realising that I was seriously going to have to watch my diet to avoid putting on weight. I weigh myself every single day and in order to enjoy a good meal in the evening, watch very carefully what I eat throughout the day. It's hard work (especially when all aroun dyou are munching on biscuits) but of course it's all about discipline and self control. I really want to stay a size 10 - 12 and that's what I have to do to achieve that.

Hi Expat! Parents still there? My mom is coming over in February! She's thrilled by the £-$ rate....

Am wondering at what stage wobbly becomes full blown fat??

they're leaving tomorrow, ilove .

but my mom will be back in March when she and her sister go to France. they'll stop off here .

i've never owned a scale in my life.

Dh did not say I was fat, in fact he assured me I wasn't. He simply prefers me to be a size smaller.

Another issue I suppose is that I am the biggest wife in our circle of friends. All the other women are size 8-10, many with false boobs and most with fake tans. They all look fantastic and although he would never say it perhaps inwardly he compares me to them?