In reacting like this to future FIL saying he wont come to our wedding?

[MesaLoca]

I've told DP that I wont be going to visit his parents at xmas because I am so insulted and upset at DP's dad recently telling him that he doesn't think he can bring himself to come to our wedding as he doesn't consider it 'proper' and thinks DP is 'selling himself short' (this is all to do with religion). DP thinks I am being unreasonable in not going.

Me and DP have lived together 5 years. DD is 2, wedding is in May.

I have a short temper and know if I go at xmas I will end up in a row about this. They live 3 hours away so I can't just leave if it all blows up. I know I cannot go along and pretend everything is ok, I just am not that kind of even-tempered person.

I am gutted. How dare he do this, we were so looking forward to getting married

Valley,neither the OP nor her DH are believers!!!

Aye fair enough Abbierhodes;-with regard to your post about pretty venues. I can't argue with your logic. On reflection you're right (righter than me).

dammit!

Abbierhodes - do you find 'Xmas' offensive too??

Hey, I'm not normally right! Thanks.
I know I'm right on the 'xian' thing though. What an ignorant term!

I do. I find xtians and xmas offensive

The DC is already 2 and isn't being brought up in the church. OP isn't leading her DP astray-he wouldn't be a believer even if they parted. Perhaps FIL wants them to part so that DP can meet a believer and be brought back to the fold! Someone in authority in the church really needs to talk some sense to the man! Unfortunately-much as some people might like it- you can't control the minds of your DCs.

vp belief as requirement for RC marrriage would disbar op and fiancé,they are non believers

Yes, xmas is offensive.

why

It's not offensive in the way that I think people who say it are evil and terrible, it just makes me cringe because it's such a consumerish cheap and weak phrase.

Christmas is about Christ. Why do people want to erase that?

Christmas is about tinsel and trees and presents and attacking the turkey.

nom nom nom

MesaLoca

For what it's worth...

My parents came from two very different religious backgrounds, and both their sets of parents lived some way distant. So we always had Xmas in our house, never visited either set at Xmas. This worked brilliantly, and I always remember having great Xmases with Mom, Dad, brother and some good friends of the family.

My mother always said that at some point you need to create your own traditions in your own family, in your own home.

Leave FIL out of it. You may never be reconciled on this point. But you and DP need to decide now what your Xmases present and future will look like. It may be that you always spend Christmas in your own home. Perhaps he and your DC will visit his family before/after the holiday, or maybe at New Year, without you, while you go to a day spa! Or whatever. Just so there's a plan you're both reasonably happy with, so it doesn't become an argument year after year.

Hope it works out for you two and your DD. Because that's the important thing.

X stands for the word 'Christ'. It's a Greek letter, which looks like our upper case X, but is pronounced 'Chi'.

Hence the fish symbol - it comes from the Greek word 'ichthus' (= fish) which is spelled (equivalent of Greek letters) I/J (Jesus) X (Christ) TH (theos = god) S (can't remember, but means saviour).

So 'ichthus/fish' is an acronym for 'Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour'

So Xtian/Xmas is not actually disrespectful. It's based on a very early Xtian usage...

(oh & btw OP, yanbu IMO)

now that was an interesting and illuminating post ravenAK

Sorry.

no straight up,most illuminating.thanks

And I'm suggesting the spa because Dandylioness is spot on about FIL, and this will piss you off every year when you ship the kids off to see him. But it'll piss you off less than having to spend time with him yourself!

I also liked RavenAK's post! Though I use the X because I can't be arsed to type out the whole word.

Go Raven, go Raven, go Raven! (Saved me having to look it up to prove a point .)

Why do you bother about Christmas if you are an atheist? You shouldnt really force upon your dd celebrating the birth of Christ, which you dont believe in.

On the same token, for your FIL, there is no wedding to come to. Catholics are not regarding themselves as married unless in the Catholic Church. So, in his view, you wont be married. So why come to a non-ceremony?

On the same token, your husband will be able to divorce you, AND remarry in catholic church, as since he hasnt been married, he wont be a divorcee either. Complicated stuff.

The ChristXians on this thread sound farking joyless.

You folks swiped Christmas off the pagans, dintcha?

It sort of changes slightly.

I remember the tales of collecting the blood of animals used for animal sacrifices, and paint the inside of the "hall" with it, then eat and drink merrily.

So yes, Christmas was nicked, and changed pretty much beyond recognition.

In my language Yule tide was called Midtvintersblot - translates into midwinterbleeding.