A difficult one.

[NoGoodAtCleaning]

Ok so this is a MIL thread but not a bashing one. And I am looking for genuine answers as to if she's being awkward or I'm being over senstive.

MIL is all about her, and she expects us to take DS (8 mo) to her but she won't come and see him. We begged her to come to ours on xmas day so she can see his prezzies, we can give her her prezzies, and I'm going to make them bacon butties and croissants and things. She wanted us to meet her in the pub with all DP's family, but we don't take DS to pubs and we are going to my mum's for lunch.

Anyway, she was really annoyed and said she wouldn't come. DP asked her a lot of times and in the end she agreed, begrudgingly.

He explained that although DS is a baby and doesn't know his arse from his elbow yet, we want to start our xmases as we mean to go on so that everyone gets the jist. She expected us to take DS (and some of his prezzies) to hers first thing xmas morning so that he could open his prezzies with her, and she could give him the present she had bought him. We want to spend our 1st xmas morning as a family in our new home, which is practically santas grotto, while DS opens all of his prezzies.

My family have given us DS's prezzies, with all the tags marked 'love from Santa', so that he's got them, from Santa, on xmas morning.

We explained this to DP's family and asked them to do the same. Most of his family were happy to do so. However, SIL has refused and said she will give him his prezzie on xmas day, in the pub, which we are not going to.

MIL threw a paddy but agreed. She rang and asked us to go to hers tonight so we went over and she had some prezzies for the baby. DP said something about them being from Santa and she said 'no, they're from me. I bought them. The tag says they're from me, and it'll say they're from me every year, same as it does for every other child. I paid for the presents so he'll know they're from me.'

SIL said 'well he isn't having my present until xmas day' and MIL said 'that's what I should have done' and glared at me. She also told us we have to wait until DP has gone to pick her up(she couldn't possibly drive over, get a taxi, or walk on xmas day- she has a car) before DS opens his presents.

She's been really horrible.

She had DS today and we left him there a few hours because she's always moaning we don't let her have him enough and when we arrived she kept calling us 'strangers' over and over again as we hadn't gone earlier to pick the baby up.

The other things is that she's bought SIL a games console for xmas, and loads of other presents, and she's bought SIL's boyfriend lots of presents. Then she's bought DP lots of presents and the same games console as SIL but she's not got me any presents as she said the games console is between DP and I. Yet I spent lots on her, and really thought the presents out as she's high maintenance.

Does she not like me or am I being oversensitive?

I've got to admit, if I think of other details, I may add them as I go along, but I think this is the lot. I know everyone hates a drip feeder, but I forget things!

It's not what people actually do which is the proble, it is that you are trying so hard to control it! Give up now! You are a mother fgs, your days of having control over all aspects of your life are over!

right back atcha

I think you are being very rude to MIL and in law family. Not all presents are from santa people buy for grandchildren/neices/nephews etc and that is not to be from santa. If you choose to have all the presents you buy from santa then so be it but I think YABVU to expect everyone else to think the same. The main present and stocking is from santa in our house then all others are from us, family and friends. That is the spirit of christmas that we give and receive. So when your dc get older they dont have to buy for anyone else because everything is from santa? Our ds is 4 and he "buys" for his brother, daddy and me already.
As for the pub thing just go for an hour see all the in law family and leave before drinking becomes too much. Easy really.
Christmas is pleasing all with the least amount of stress not sticking ridgdly to one routine and tradition.
Merry christmas

What exactly are you getting so angry about Minky? It's only MN. Maybe you should chill out!

Shouldn't those be .

All should be labelled as from santa, surely?

OP - think of when your DC is at school and friends are talking about what Granny, aunti Jane, uncle peter gave them, and you DC is thinking "but none of my family got me presents". Even further on, think what a comfort it can be to have all the happy memories of presents from a loved one who has died. (call me a sentimental old fool, but the last present I had before my grandad died was really special, and I was an adult!)

In this house FC gives stocking and a main present, he also has the task of collecting , on his travels, all the presents from other family who we will not be seeing at all over the hols. Some of this is stuff that has been posted and stashed away, others are bits I have bought with money sent by great grandma etc. The labels say who they are from, but the DCs know santa delivers them. Not the same thing.

we will send thank yous with photos of the kids playing with/wearing what I have bought on other peoples behalf.

I remember that my parents used to tell us that Santa was bringing the preasents that the family members had bought because he had more space to store them.

"We don't take DS to pubs" Now that is precious.

It's not like you're expected to have him down the Crown and Anchor every Saturday night for ten pints of Stella and a kebab on the way home.

Your DS won't have a scooby about his first Christmas and he'll probably spend most of it eating, sleeping and looking for stuff to break/chew/poke himself in the eye with same as any other day. Traditions will develop in time, you don't need to implement them you know.

Your MIL sounds like a fruit loop but I think you'd be as well to ignore her and pacify her in some way.

Oh yes, the "Santa as logistics service" school of thought. I've seen that being done as well.

I'm not angry, I couldn't care less what your inlaws get for your dc for Christmas beleive it or not, just trying to help you Roland!
Of course it should be

Pooka made an excellent point - there will come a point where your DS will question why you don't buy him a present. My DS1 is now 8 and has asked me this year if I have bought him and his siblings a present each, so I have said yes and picked a present for each child which they did not ask Santa for in their letters. It will be lovely this year for them to thank me instead of Father Christmas for one of their presents!

Oh, and at 8 years old, he still totally believes (touch wood)!

Well be glad you don't have a dh like mine who (lovely as he is, I adore him) has proudly announced to me on the phnoe tonight that he has found a friend to help him put together the trampoline that my children have asked for from FC (which is already stashed in huge boxes in garage) on.................................................................................................. ...................................Boxing Day.

He was genuinely surprised when went mental.

Didn't see that the pub is a bit scummy and your ILs all are very drunk. In that case I would avoid that too. But you will have to accept that you are breaking their tradition, and it is probably important to them, so you have to give a little back.

IME most parents expect their children will continue with their traditions for a good long time after they leave home before they start to establish their own (usually when the grandchildren and their presents stop being so portable). That generally means alternating traditions between each family. Most kids have no problem with this, and enjoy the differences.

We don't do FC in our house at all (I wasn't brought up with it either) and still manage to have a magical Christmas, all about giving and sharing a fun family experience. Christmas does not have to = Santa.

I would have thought the pub was an easy option. You can do things your own way in the morning instead of having to cook all the bacon butties etc (would anyone want them with Christmas Dinner to follow?)and clear up the mess. You have a pleasant time on your own and call in at the pub for half an hour on the way to your mothers. I know which I would prefer!

I would have thought the pub was an easy option. You can do things your own way in the morning instead of having to cook all the bacon butties etc (would anyone want them with Christmas Dinner to follow?)and clear up the mess. You have a pleasant time on your own and call in at the pub for half an hour on the way to your mothers. I know which I would prefer!

nogood, when you were a child how did you feel about the presents coming from 'santa'? there must have been a time when either the presents stopped coming or you realised where they were coming from....?

i have told ds that fc will bring small things as that is all he can reasonable be expected to manage. the rest of us will provide other presents.

I can understand the pub thing if it is a dire, skanky pub. There are pubs and there are pubs and some pubs I wouldn't want to take my children to and I don't think that is being at all precious. However, unless you are a strict teetotaller, saying you will never take your child to a pub is a bit much as there is nothing nicer than having a decent pub lunch in the right pub

OP, you are coming across as being quite a control freak! I have never, ever heard of anyone's family tradition stipulating that any presents bought for kids in the family must be labelled from Santa. I thought part of the spirit of Christmas was giving and receiving presents to and from our loved ones, not just sitting back and waiting for a big sack of pressies from Santa on Christmas day.

Sorry, but had a bit of a snigger when I read your LO is 8 months old. He won't have a clue who Father Christmas is anyway, so really, all this aggro is for nothing.

As for the pub thing. I don't see what's wrong with a bit of a compromise. Why not drop in just for one or two drinks to see your in-laws if that's THEIR tradition every year. As people have said there's no smoking anymore and you're not obliged to stay there until the bitter rowdy end.

That whole "from Santa" thing is crazy. Completely unreasonable to expect people to do this and take away the joy they will get, almost like they are donating to the pile and so impersonal.

Surely your DHs family traditions are every bit as important as yours? Is there not meeting in the middle? Or is it all to be "my way of the highway?"

TO the OP

I absolutely promise you that if you re-read this thread next year you will be snorting with laughter and entering it for the PFB of the year prize. Honestly you will.

Yanbu regarding the pub thing, I prefer to spend christmas in my home on the day as well.

Me and rest of family usually run around on christmas eve or earlier to each others houses dropping off each others presents so they are all there for us to open on christmas morning.

Most of the family go to my mums house for dinner but I detest the busyness (sp) of it, so we always stay in our own house (am only 2 mins away literally so usually running round to each others to borrow something )

I do think yabu with regards to the marking Santa on all the tags though. I only mark Santa from the ones i've bought, otherwise I wouldn't know who to thank for what etc. Also I think family like recognition (as do I) for what we have bought. I do think you need to compromise on this area.