To think that going on holiday without your DC and not taking them on holiday at all is selfish?

[christmasgrinch]

I know I will get shot down.

But.... I know a few parents who go on holiday without their kids (I mean abroad for weeks at a time) and then their DC don't go on holiday at all! AIBU to think this is selfish.

well, it's none of my business what anyone else does, but since we are all saying if we'd do it or not....

I certainly couldn't take myself off on holiday if that meant the children could not have any holiday at all that year and were unhappy about that. I can't see myself chilling on a beach knowing my children were at home and they had no such thing to look forward to and they felt sad or jealous. Now IF I was going away while the children were staying with relatives and they were excited about that and had things planned and were going to have a great time - that's a win/win situation isn't it? No problem!

To me, and I do appreciate everyone feels differently, there is a hierarchy.

And it starts with the children- right at the top.

I don't buy anything for myself unless the children have everything they need. I wouldn't buy myself a pair of shoes if they needed a pair, for example. their shoes first, if there's money left over, mine. Their needs first. Always. IF there is anything left over, then I'll look at what I need.

And I know there will be people out there going "martyr" but at the end of the day, we each have to do what we can live with, don't we? And it would make me, personally, unhappy to put my needs above the needs of my children. There are many others see it differently, think that a parent who has something even if the kids miss out, is therefore a happy parent and therefore better one, fair enough, up to them, no skin off my nose how others think or feel about it. I just feel that such things wouldn't make me happy. So I don't do them.

Now. No "how very dare you" s cos I'm not judging your choices, I am talking about mine. I don't care what you choose.

And I am totally MN brainwashed cos I typed all this out then went back and replaced 'kids' with 'children'

I blame you, you've ruined me!

Unless a very good reason i don't think its fair to be away 'on holiday' without your children for a fortnight up until the age they can look after themselves.

Surely 'holidays' mean family time

AN overnight or weekend for an anniversary i don't really have a problem with but 2 weeks or even a week.....nah leaves a funny taste in my mouth

Depends. We do a couple of family holidays each year, but often other things crop up too. For my 40th, DH and I went to Salzburg for 4 days, leaving the kids with GPs. Fine, once I got used to the idea as was the first time we'd left them. Each year I go on a "girls" trip to the US for 4 days or so, leaving DH in charge, supplemented by GPs. No problem. And last year I joined DH on a business trip in Malaysia. Now that was a weird one, because it was for a week (too long), and in a beach resort, so I spent the whole week looking at families with similar-aged kids (10 & 8) and desperately wanting mine there too. Everything we did, I kept saying, "they'd love this" and I spent a fortune on phone calls home. This year, we took them out of school and they came with us.
They, for the record, don't have a problem with any of this. They go off on school trips, brownie camp etc.. sleepovers, whatever too.

like i say i think a long weekend poss 3 days is fine but i personally feel that if they are not the age to look after themselves (17 or so) then anything above that even with GP's or DH there is too long (for me).

We took my eldest to Eurodisney over summer and left youngest with GP's (for 2 nights) as he has SN and wouldn't be able to sleep in the accommodation there - all the time i wished he had been there.

I agree.

DH's uncle and aunt took themselves to Florida and Disney leaving their two kids at home.

My parents neighbours saved up and took themselves to Florida and Disney etc while leaving their three children aged between 8 and 14 at home.

I couldn't believe that I heard this same thing happening not once but twice. So selfish. Holidays are for families.

My parents went to the Munich Olympics for 2 weeks when I was 11 and my brother was 8. I was just starting secondary school so had to catch a bus on my own for the first time to get to my new school where I didn't know one single person.

I wasn't happy

Now that's harsh! That's completely different because it's going to a holiday place designed for kids!

How lovely of them

My mum thinks this debate is one of (the many) areas where todays 30/40 something parents are getting it all wrong...

As she says to me - we didn't spend any time (no resentment there then ) away from you until i was 40 and we went to Paris for the weekend when you were 17...these mum and dads swanning off.... (at this point i stop listening)

That was about the Disney story btw!

Mine was about both but really the Munich one (but hell yeah the Disney one too)

stillenacht - well my mum is 74 now so must've been 38 in 1972! To be fair, it was the first time that they had ever holidayed without us - but looking back I can't imagine sending my boys off on their first weeks of secondary school without me being there.

I'd be moderately interested to hear whether all the cat's-bum-mouth types think it's more or less eeeeevil for a single mum to have a holiday without her DC.
I mean, if you are of the 'mothers-must-never-actually-even-think-of-enjoying-themselves' brigade, is it easier for you to swallow the idea of a woman doing something that benefits her partner (all that guff about couple time and maintaining relationships being important for parents - which often seems to translate as 'Don't forget to let Hubby have sex with you as well as doing all the housework and childcare, or he will be off cottaging before you know it.')
Or do you actually think that a single mum might need a break even more...?

no same here - i will recount this story to my mum when she goes on about our selfish generation to me - cheers!!

lol!

sticksantaupyourchimney - If I were a single mum I'd prioritise having a holiday with the dcs, but then not feel guilty about having an extra one without them. If I could only afford one break it would be with them

I think a single mum is entitled to a break definitely but still not a two or even one week thing - but thats just my opinion tho. I just personally don't thinkthat once you have children this all girls together holiday 1 week/2 week spa/going to Spain etc is good for the kids - sure a couple of days but not really longer than that

Many many married women are even lonelier than single mums and do all the child rearing themselves while hubby is off out doing his thang as well.

I have some friends who drove all the way to spain from France leaving the 3 children with teir grandma. They got there, had a dip in the sea, started to cry and came back to take the children with them. I thought that was so very sweet, and so very something I can imagine myself doing. (and after all that driving, they certainly deserved their family holiday!)

My dad never let us go on holiday camps because he was worried he was going to miss us.

I think YABU. DP isn't my DD's dad & although they get on really well, we haven't been together that long & we don't live together yet so it's important to have time together as a couple. Although even if you did live together it'd still be important.

The year before I went for a long weekend abroad with my DP, a long weekend abroad with my mummy friends but also took my DD to America on my own.

This year I didn't take DD abroad and went to Greece for a week with DP. We did visit family in the UK in the summer, she goes to stay with family on her own a couple of times a year & in May half term we did loads of day trips - none of which is going on holiday as such. She also had a week long school trip which she probably found more fun than a week sat by the pool. I don't think I was unreasonable this year by not taking her on holiday - instead we just did fun things, visiting people we both like to visit & fun places together which is just as important. She wasn't really that bothered by it.

Next year DD's dad is taking her abroad, DP & I will probably take her somewhere as well so I guess it's swings and roundabouts.

Married women have the option of threatening to cut their husband off from the sex if he doesn't pull his weight with the kids, and I'm sorry, but how you can be LONELIER when you have a husband coming home every night, or at least there on the end of the phone, compared t a single mother who may not see another adult she knows for weeks at a time ... laughable.

I take myself off visiting friends quite regularly. If I could afford to go on holiday, I would. I spend 99.99999% of the time bending over backwards and insideout meeting my childrens' needs - so 0.00001% is clawed baack for me.

I don't think anybody has mentioned that it also depends on what 'everyday life' is like for the family. i.e. how much time the kids get with their parents (both parents) during a normal week.

For a family who don't see a lot of each other then holidays are valuable time to be spent together.

But for a family who see each other a lot during the week and spend lots of time together a holiday can be about a new experience - for adults that might be a cultural/romantic break together to work on their relationship, for kids that might be a week with the GP or on guide camp or a kids adventure camp instead.

It all depends on too many things for me to judge anybody else's decisions.... whatever makes ALL the family happy is the right thing to do.

sorry that answer was so huggy - i'm cringing now

but it does depend a lot on how much time the family spend together in 'normal life'

I think you cannot be so black & white.

A week with grandparents in the countryside might be a much better "holiday" for a small child than a week ski-ing or a week on a hot beach with a long plane journey each side.

I think going away and leaving young kids to fend for themselves is selfish.
Going away having made arrangements for the children which will ensure they are well cared for, loved and enjoy themselves - don't see the problem.

Why do people get so uptight about what other people do, so long as those actions aren't harming anyone. Or do you really think that a week with a (for eg) doting GP is harming the child?

It is also good for both parents and children to have time away from one another.

I don't like families who are glued to one another. Not everyone in a family has similar wants or needs at all times and thinking that you all have to be glued together normally means that no-one really gets to do want he wants - everything has to be a compromise all the time.

I'm honestly with anna8888 on this. I do not want to wander endlessly around adventure playgrounds,, and ds1 doesn't want to wander endlessly around markets and shops, and ds2 doesn't want to do either of these things - we have to compromise.