To think that going on holiday without your DC and not taking them on holiday at all is selfish?

[christmasgrinch]

I know I will get shot down.

But.... I know a few parents who go on holiday without their kids (I mean abroad for weeks at a time) and then their DC don't go on holiday at all! AIBU to think this is selfish.

YOU feel it's important - the children won't wither away or be psychologically scarred from being away from you for a few days, in fact they may even enjoy it.

So it's not exactly a NEED, is it? It's a WANT. And if you WANT to, because of those extended benefits you feel you get, then good for you! Have nothing but family holidays.

But others WANT to have some time away from their children, and feel their children would benefit from having some time away from them. That is JUST AS VALID as YOUR want.

Cross posted with you!

But that's just it Gateau, your DH RARELY went away with his family. Again, that's not an even split of 'wants', is it, as his wants weren't taken into account sufficiently often to be fair?

Who said it wasn't as valid, Madmarg?
Other people can do whatever they want, I really don't care.
And yes, it is a NEED for us. A need to relax and have fun together - it's very important for our family unit.

No Gateau, you haven't said it wasn't valid, and are happy to let others do want they want, but others sadly just don't see it like that. They see it as 'if we don't, then others shouldn't either'. If you had read the whole thread, you would have seen that.

I see a holiday as a want. A need is being fed, watered, housed and sufficiently clothed. Anything other than that is a want surely. You don't need it in order to survive.

being pedantic and don;t want an argument but that's not true nappy.
People NEED sleep, people NEED a rest, we NEED relaxing time together as a family; it's not about just being on holiday - for us anyway. There are loads of needs other than the ones you describe.

oh yes sleep is a need forgot that one. you can't function without it.

Well it depends on the family doesn't it?

Going on holiday with ds1 does not involve 'relaxing' for anyone. Yes he needs a change of scene sometimes and he gets it. But everyone else occasionally needs to chill out- and yes- relax- so we get that sometimes. And ds2 and ds3 get to do the things they can't do when ds1 is around.

Different families have different needs.

Exactly. Each to their own, needs and wants wise.

DD 11 months and we want to go skiing. Have considered leaving her here as it will be very cold and she would be in a creche all day with strangers.

What is wrong with "wants" ?

so once you have children you can never enjoy time to relax on a sun holiday or ski

yes you have to put their needs first, but that doesnt mean that you can have needs as well

parents NEED time out, and children do well to be with other people apart from parents - staying with a friend/relative can be just as much as an exciting time for child

Who is saying you can't go away on holiday blonde?
Not me anyway.
We like to holiday with our DS and we don't NEED time away from him - the odd night out, yes, but other than that, where we go he goes. That's why we had kids. I can't imagine that being any different if we have any more DC.
BUT it's each to their own. If you want to holiday without them, then do it and enjoy it!

As I say DD only 11 months but already I am upset about the thought of not having a week to lie on a beach and read my book.

I plan to arrange holidays (for just me) in the future.

I might be different once she is older and can watchTV interact with us.

"As I say DD only 11 months but already I am upset about the thought of not having a week to lie on a beach and read my book"

i understand that

some like to go away without their children AND go away as a family, some dont - doesnt mean either is wrong

Have to say, I have never found it difficult to relax with the children on a beach holiday or a culture holiday or a countryside holiday; they're growing into fairly relaxing people to be around. It's when I come up against dd's physical needs that the going gets tough. But I understand that the crunch point may come in some other place for other families: that there may be families who absolutely cannot enjoy the Tate with a 2year-old or the beach with a bunch of pre-teens. As Gateau says, to each their own.

I will try to make it a general rule though to enjoy as much as we can together. Because shared memories are fun. And then we'll have to see if I can ever screw up my courage to deal with the rest.

Yes, I would always want DD on at least one holiday a year with us.

Although thats assuming we can afford mulitple holidays.

I think the perfect solution is to go on holiday with childcare options or other adults that can give you some time to yourselves on that holiday, perfect.