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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that going on holiday without your DC and not taking them on holiday at all is selfish?

242 replies

christmasgrinch · 13/12/2008 23:12

I know I will get shot down.

But.... I know a few parents who go on holiday without their kids (I mean abroad for weeks at a time) and then their DC don't go on holiday at all! AIBU to think this is selfish.

OP posts:
sticksantaupyourchimney · 13/12/2008 23:38

Don't see what it's got to do with you.
Mind you I don't go on holiday, so what would I know?

Original poster
christmasgrinch · 13/12/2008 23:38

beanieb

I'm not sure that I agree with that TBH. It seems mean to me that a child won't hav a holiday but the parent will.

OP posts:
Original poster
christmasgrinch · 13/12/2008 23:39

Sticksanta

I already 'said' that I was being judgemental. I feel sorry for the DC.

OP posts:
Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 13/12/2008 23:40

I definitely don't get the 'mean' thing. DD has had a weekend camping with Cubs, a week in Norfolk with school, and a week in Cornwall with us.

I don't think it 'mean' because I only had the week in Cornwall.

beanieb · 13/12/2008 23:42

Depends on the child, the age of the child etc

I don't think it's wrong for a child not to have a holiday. Infact I am sure many kids go happily to their grandparents for a week while their parents go somewhere together as a couple. Can't see why there is anything wrong with it. Hopefully the parents are spending a lot of other wuality time with their child(ren).

Original poster
christmasgrinch · 13/12/2008 23:42

You're not a child - you can make/action your own choices.

OP posts:
Original poster
christmasgrinch · 13/12/2008 23:44

I agree it is not wrong for a child to not go on holiday.

OP posts:
bran · 13/12/2008 23:45

I think there is a bit of transference of adult experience onto children. As an adult I don't feel that I've had a holiday unless I've had a change from my normal routine. Just having time off work doesn't feel like a holiday because I still do all the mundane stuff like I do at the weekends. But when I was a child 'holiday' was the time that wasn't term time, the location wasn't important. So I would still have felt that I had a holiday even if I hadn't gone anywhere.

TheCrackFox · 13/12/2008 23:46

YANBU

DHs mum and dad used to do this all the time. Including going away for 3 weeks to Bermuda over Xmas when DH was 7 . He was regularly palmed off on granny.

I think weekends away as a couple are fine but 2/3 weeks away in unfair on the DCs.

Original poster
christmasgrinch · 13/12/2008 23:46

Bran

You may have a good point - right I'm off to book a child free holiday for 2 weeks. .....joking!

OP posts:
Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 13/12/2008 23:47

well, I hope next year dh and I can go for a romantic weekend somewhere (like Budapest). We would go on our own. Too expensive to take dd as she would need her own room - and it would definitely compromise the 'romantic' aspect of the break.

She will be going away for 3 separate holidays in the summer, so I won't feel concerned about it.

Original poster
christmasgrinch · 13/12/2008 23:48

I go away for weekends with DH too! But i would'nt go if I could'nt do a family holiday as well.

OP posts:
MaryMotherOfCheeses · 13/12/2008 23:51

Grinch, that's the way I'm supposed to feel about my weekend away for my 40th. We'll still spend a fortnight with DS as a family holiday.

But I know DS will not be happy with us going away without him. He likes our holidays. Even when we do cathedrals, museums etc. I dont' know how to explain that he'll not enjoy it. I know he would.

Original poster
christmasgrinch · 13/12/2008 23:53

mary

Well, I think he will just have to accept it - he might surprise you! I defintley think child free time is very important.

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 13/12/2008 23:54

YABU. Last summer DS didn't go on holiday but I went to Lanzarote for a week.

Original poster
christmasgrinch · 13/12/2008 23:55

nappy - Why did'nt you take DS too? I don't get it.

OP posts:
skrimbo · 13/12/2008 23:55

I am planning a weekend away without DC but I take them away for a week at oct and at Easter, unlike Exh Who this summer went abroad with his GF (she is a teacher), first time since having kids he has taken a week off and went on holiday in the summer, shame it was with his GF and not his own kids.

Yes it is selfish.

skrimbo · 13/12/2008 23:56

I am planning a weekend away without DC but I take them away for a week at oct and at Easter, unlike Exh Who this summer went abroad with his GF (she is a teacher), first time since having kids he has taken a week off and went on holiday in the summer, shame it was with his GF and not his own kids.

Yes it is selfish.

nooka · 13/12/2008 23:57

dh and I went away to America twice before we took the children abroad. They stayed with my parents and had a lovely time in the country. We had a nice grown up reconnecting time. Now they are older they come with us, and all holidays are family holidays, but that's because they can cope with doing the sort of thing we like to do. When they were under fiveish or so they would not have had a good time, and neither would we. They did however always spend a few weeks in the country with my parents.

My parents always went on a "honeymoon" for 10 days or so every year. We stayed with grandparents or one of my mums friends came and looked after us. We would not have wanted to go, as they spent the time doing long distance (hut to hut or camping) walking holidays in the Alps.

Horse for courses, and I think only an issue if the children are unhappy.

nappyaddict · 13/12/2008 23:58

I went with my friend and it wouldn't have been much of a holiday for her if he'd come.

Original poster
christmasgrinch · 13/12/2008 23:59

nappy - I am shocked at your response. Stuff your friend - you should have took your child.

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 14/12/2008 00:03

It wasn't the sort of holiday you would have with a child in tow. Don't know why that shocks you so much

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 14/12/2008 00:05

Why are you starting on Nappy? I did the same and said so first. i left dd1 at 6 months old to go to Greece for a wild week with my best friend. My mum was on a week off and she and dd1 had a great time bonding together. I don't feel selfish. I feel I may have gone insane with no time to myself.

beanieb · 14/12/2008 00:06

christmasgrinch - do you think people who do this are bad parents?

sticksantaupyourchimney · 14/12/2008 00:07

Children can't have everything that adults have, though. SOme things that adults enjoy are not suitable for children or would not be enjoyable for them. There's no reason why becoming a parent means your horizons have to narrow so that everything has to be child-centred and child-friendly: it's important to have some time to yourself when you have DCs.