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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my DS to attend a more white than black school?

348 replies

NattyTurkeyAndEggnog · 13/12/2008 20:01

am posting this timidly in case it is misinterpred...

there is a choice of two catholic schools locally, one is three quaters black african, and the other is three quaters white british.

now i said to dh that id prefer the white majority school, as i feel my white children would fit in better, and i would with the other parents. i dont mean it in a way that i think white ppl are better, or anything like that, in fact the other school has higher exam results. just that i am concerned with sending my child to a school that they will be very much a minority.

but DH said that he should go to the better results school.

now im torn, because im very aware that kids pick up on a child being different, and i was bullied horrendously in school.

please dont read this as a black/white thing, i would feel the same about him going to a non-religous school for the same reasons.

ok i will stand back and wait for the back lash now

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 13/12/2008 21:03

How dare you post this stuff? Really, how dare you? It's a disgrace.

WalkingInAWonderStuffingLand · 13/12/2008 21:04

Good plan
My school is majority white working class, but there are about 20 different languages spoken. Where there is a group of children from one place, say Nepal or Poland they do tend to hang out together, its natural, but there really isn't any group that cuts itself off entirely, I think and once the children have been in the UK for a couple of years their English is of a standard that they can quite happily converse with everyone. Some groups come with good English, some of the Black African immigrants speak better English than the white working class kids on arrival to the UK. The biggest issue we have is overcoming racist attitudes of some of the British kids, the old 'I'm not racist but..'

SalBySea · 13/12/2008 21:06

"Traditional dress?? Food WTF?? You are coming across as very ignorant."

yes the OP does herself no favours with how she is expressing herself

However I think it would be naive to not acknowledge that the less points of reference a kid has in common with his/her peers, the harder it is to fit in. Whenever people meet for the first time they tend to try to find out what they have in common.

I also think its naive to dismiss the idea that very multicultural schools present extra challenges (on top of the normal kid ones) that arent present in little country schools where everyone's parents grew up together. (FWIW I dont think this is necessarily a bad thing)

This discussion could be a very rich one about the difference that learning with other cultures makes, what's good and bad about it and how the bad can be overcome but it has decended into a witch hunt where noone is allowed to mention actual or perceived cons

TheButterflyEffect · 13/12/2008 21:11

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shinyshoes · 13/12/2008 21:11

shit, this thread to me is coming across as soooooo rascist.

Heres one for you.

I couldn't start my car the other day, I asked 5 people for help. Do you know the only one that helped me was the ONLY black person I asked. Not that his skin colour made a differnce but HE helped me. Its not about colour you know it's about people and the goodness in there hearts

noiamnot · 13/12/2008 21:13

I agree with Sal.

People have these attitudes. It is a fact.

Screaming like lunatics is guaranteed to NOT change these attitudes, merely entrench them.

Educate, discuss....

that's how you change things.

VinoEsmeralda · 13/12/2008 21:13

Ok havent read the whole thread but my personal point of view is that education is much higher respected and valued in middle eastern and african communities. The children will be well supported by their parents and this will lead to better end results.

Feel really sorry for you and your short sighted attitude BUT you must go with what you feel is best for your children and not what is best for you.

STOP waisting energy on being black and white and focus on having fun and enjoy life!

UnquietDad · 13/12/2008 21:14

I think the OP didn't quite know what she was letting herself in for here. Maybe she could have chosen her words more carefully but her concerns are those of all parents - will my child fit in? I can sit on the fence and be a right-on Guardian-reading liberal and say how great multi-culturalism is (which it is, generally) and I can do so with impunity because my children don't go to school in a multi-cultural inner-city area and so I've never had to put that stance to the test.

She's wrong to say there wouldn't have been any reaction to the issue if it were rich vs. poor, but, putting things a little less simplistically, she is broadly right - there are, every so often, threads which basically translate as "I am a nice middle-class person with children who speak nicely and I want my child to go to the school I've chosen with other nice middle-class children whose parents don't have tattoos and who do ballet rather than being into High School Musical; help, the school I've been allocated is full of people who might hold their fork in the wrong way and drop their aitches." It's not that transparent, but you know what I mean. And, in general, they receive a less hostile reception than the OP has here.

For the record, I don't think she's racist. Just maybe needing to be a bit more informed about what both schools offer. I think a lot of you have been very quick to let the R button get pushed, and it's possibly counter-productive.

flouncerpoppedbackforadvice · 13/12/2008 21:15

The group in society most likely to underchieve are white working class boys which may be why the "white" school is not doing as well.

benandoli · 13/12/2008 21:15

I teach at a very mixed school where no one race dominates, it is lovely. I am white and my children go to a predominantely white school, where the children are lovely but many of the parents are racist (objecting to temple visit for RE). Soon after sending my children there I realised with horror that many parents infact send there children there because it is predom white and not (as I did) because it is a good school. So i make sure I take my children to work for events such as Diwali, Black History night etc. In a perfect world I would choode a mixed school, but go and visit both before you make your choice.

VivaLaPotPourri · 13/12/2008 21:15

Gooodness me - I think (OMG, don't quote me on this) some 'black' people wear... jeans and stuff you know. Traditional dress! I went to school with a lot of Irish (Irish myself) - we didn't eat potatoes all day! And jig around the classrooms. You have to turn this on it's head - be glad your child may learn about other cultures. They will be in for one hell of a shock if you sheild them from 'the ethinics' when they get a job/go to Uni etc.

TheButterflyEffect · 13/12/2008 21:15

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flouncerpoppedbackforadvice · 13/12/2008 21:16

I agree unquietdad

PuzzYuleLogs · 13/12/2008 21:17

I'm throwing my lot in with Sal and The ButterflyEffect. Their reasoned responses are the best although I can understand others frustration.

TheButterflyEffect · 13/12/2008 21:18

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shinyshoes · 13/12/2008 21:18

I should have added.

We are Catholic and it was obvious to us that my 11 was going to go to the Cathoilc senior school.

We walked in and we knew it was't for him,we didt feel that the school would have benefitted him. It was strict and too reigmental. It is also one of the best performing schools in the south east.

So, we sent him to the local senior school, he thrives there, he loves it and we knew the moment he walked in it was 'him'

TheButterflyEffect · 13/12/2008 21:20

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UnquietDad · 13/12/2008 21:21

Racist is a very strong word and people are very keen to use it willy-nilly these days.

beforesunrise · 13/12/2008 21:24

fwiw, i think the op is actually really struggling to express what she means about the choice she's facing. personally i have some sympathy for the fear of putting your child in an environment where he/she will be in a complete minority- and yes i do understand that this is a position black people face all the time, and it must be beyond tough.

i don't know if op is racist or not, and probably she is. probably deep down i am too, although i really don't want to be, and i overanalyse all the time to make sure i am not- sometimes overanalysis, and political correctness, can get in the way of addressing issues head-on. spelling out our fears is the only way to overcome them, but if we can't, then we'll always have to live with them.

for the record, shinyshoes, your argument has absolutely nothing to do with op's concerns and it makes me think that you were a bit surprised that help came from an unexpected quarter. and if not surprised, well at least you think it's noteworthy enough to tell us all about it. to me that is also bordering on racist.

TheButterflyEffect · 13/12/2008 21:27

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noonki · 13/12/2008 21:29

unquitedad

as a liberal guardian reader in an innercity area.

I have no problem my child going to a school where they are in are in a white minority.

I do have a problem them going to a crap school.

There is a difference.

shinyshoes · 13/12/2008 21:33

beforesunrise, I'M NOT rascist or bordering my point was why should colour make a difference, he was kind, if I were rascist I would say he was after something or had an ulterior motive. . Its just colour FFS it means nothing.

Colour is just that, it's a colour. I don't see what the problem is.

TheButterflyEffect · 13/12/2008 21:34

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PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen · 13/12/2008 21:35

YABU

you shouldn't care less about the colour

tyour son won't after all

You didn't title 'AIBU to want mys n to go to a school where he will feel included' did ya? Oh no. It was black V white.

MrsMattie · 13/12/2008 21:36

YABU.

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