to want my DS to attend a more white than black school?

[NattyTurkeyAndEggnog]

am posting this timidly in case it is misinterpred...

there is a choice of two catholic schools locally, one is three quaters black african, and the other is three quaters white british.

now i said to dh that id prefer the white majority school, as i feel my white children would fit in better, and i would with the other parents. i dont mean it in a way that i think white ppl are better, or anything like that, in fact the other school has higher exam results. just that i am concerned with sending my child to a school that they will be very much a minority.

but DH said that he should go to the better results school.

now im torn, because im very aware that kids pick up on a child being different, and i was bullied horrendously in school.

please dont read this as a black/white thing, i would feel the same about him going to a non-religous school for the same reasons.

ok i will stand back and wait for the back lash now

You know what cuddly, until you have bothered to read the thread, and until you do anything else than just spew unsubstantiated venom, you just come across as totally ridiculous and infantile on this thread.

Asicsgirl, you do make a lot of valuable points. I am afraid that the most inherent racists simply dont view themselves in racist terms. They have ways to justify their opinions, and sometimes, there is just no point arguing about it, or trying to "enlighten them". Saying "you are racist" dont work because they dont think they are.

I know, because I have spent years in a family where the palestinian / isralei conflict has been "discussed". And I know because we now have a large-ish muslim population in my town who wants to build a mosque, and the arguments they meat as to way they shouldnt is blatant racism, but when the people accused of being racist are raising their voice they always have a "good" reason or excuse or explanation to their opinion, but it is NEVER racism, oh no. If we substitue the word racism for words such as "fear of the unknown", "ignorance of people and their custom and beliefs", or "prejudice" we have different ways of describing what is racism than actually calling people racist.

I think it is a lot more fruititious to enter into any debate such as this without calling forth the "racism" word, as it hinders any meaningful exchange. It puts people into a defencive mode, and they get so het up on definding themselves against the racism mark, whether justified or not, that one can forget about any enlightenment coming out of it.

Please bear with my spelling mistakes. I can spell, but not always, apparently....

I do think the OP's concerns are probably unfounded (although having been a victim of bullying through almost my entire school life I can understand her concerns of wanting them to "fit in" more).

FWIW - my SIL and her DH live in a small Hampshire village. It is a small village school and until her youngest DD started school in September her oldesr DD was the only non-white child in the entire school. Now there's 2 of them, but still the rest of the pupils are white (and British white at that! so the DD's are the only ones with foreign parents too))

They have encountered no problems at all with their DD's "fitting in" and the older girl has really thrived at the school, obviusly early days for the younger one but they're no anticipating any issues.

As an aside the % of "pupils with ESL" has rocketed since the 2nd DD started because of the size of the school......although both girls speak English just as well as Shona (if not better).

Natty My chidren go to a school where the majority of children have English as a 2nd language.

The fact that it is so culturally mixed is one of the reasons I wanted them to go there. We live in a very rich area (although are not very rich ourselves, unfortunately) and I wanted my children to grow up knowing that society is made up of people from various cultural back grounds - I didn't want them to grow up thinking that all people are white and over privilaged - as most people out there in the big wide world aren't.

Also wanted them to respect all cultures,not just their own.

Their school is excellent academically, very mixed culturally - a great combination IMHO

QS I disagree with you.

It is not my point of view that is infantile and unsubstantiated and I have no intention of wading through 13 pages of squirming and side-stepping.

If the op wanted a discussion on victimisation by other kids on the grounds of special needs or anything else then the title and op would not have focused solely on skin colour.
That says it all.

Ok, i'm not a mum, but i found this discussion on the net and couldn't help but sign up and share a story!

My Primary School was majority a black african school and it was Church Of England. Me and another girl were the only white kids in our class (we were both greek). I picked up on the difference pretty quickly but it didn't really bother me because i found it fascinating to learn new things that i wasn't learning at home. However although i wasn't bullied for my race, some of them were very quick to label you racist.

It was seen as a very bad school because of OFSTED reports but i loved every moment of it and i achieved alot whilst i was there. It gave me a real boost for Secondary School where i was shocked to see so many white people. I'm still in touch with many people from Primary School (6 to be exact) and couldn't of wished for a better start in life.

You shouldn't judge people on their skin colour, it isn't 1692, people need to move on... education should always come first for your kid rather than putting your racist views first.

One day, I will wake up to a world where such conversations do not exist. [dreamy]

Both of my children have asd, my 3 year old has classic autism and is considered quite severe in many ways. Both of them go to different schools, both with a good ethnic mix. My 3 year old goes to a mld/asd special school, where the children all come from mixed backgrounds, and the children make good progress, and the school has an excellent reputation, with many parents moving into the area with the hope of sending their children there. The teachers are all of different races nad the lsa's are too.My 5 year old with asd goes to a school with a good ethnic mix, with children and teachers of different races. Alot of the chidren has English as a second language and this has not caused the problem with provision of his sen, the problem lies with the senco and the general attitude towards asd amongst the teachers. The children are actually quite accepting of my ds and are kind and gentle. The bigger danger is from my own son who can be aggressive due to his sen.
I think the op is being very unreasonable indeed.

I think that most of us are assuming, that as the two nearest schools are on average 50% black, it is unlikely that the family live in an area which is not racially diverse and as such that this will be the first time the child will have been in a situation where a lot of the children are black!

Where abouts does everyone live?

You don't have to answer just being nosey.
Because i think it also depends on the society around you. I've always lived in London and everyone blends in but i've heard people can be quite ignorant up north.

Also could someone explain what the abbreviations mean? Like ASD and dd?

Thank you for the info TheButterflyEffect. I am very sorry to have offended you, it isn't really my opinion it's just what i've been told of. I think you have opened my mind a little to understanding that it must be weird to have never seen someone of a certain race.

'i've heard people can be quite ignorant up north.'

Well lah-di-da.

Smile-London

have been lurking on this thread, and am snorting with laughter at the 'people up north can be quite ignorant' what a silly thing to say, especially if you don;t beleive it

try substituting the word black or asian or muslim for northern and you see how ironic a statement it is on this thread

welcome to MN

i didn't realise i'd stirr up any offense with what i stated but you are right to criticise me.

at the time i had the story that a friend had told me. He is black and went to Hull where he was approached by a little black girl who'd never seen another black person outside of her family... it was quite a saddening story at the time.

OP - children don't have concerns like adults do about race and other issues, they don't care, children care about playing and having fun, they don't care if its with someone of a different race or not.

Please don't pass your issues onto your children.

It seems to me no matter where you live you'll always find at least one racist person.

muslims aren't a race.

Send your child to the school that you think is best overall for your child - just because a school is better academically does not mean it is a better school for your child. There are always "outliers" in every school anyway, even in an academic school there will be below and above average achievers, there is nothing to say that your child would not "achieve" even at a "below" average school, what matters more is support at home...