AIBU to think that teenage mums should be given a break.

[Daisy15]

People are forever ranting on at me for having dd too young as if i don't already know it. Just wish i could shut them up ... any suggestions on how to do that?

Thanks

Butterfly - you asked earlier if a under 16 year old girl committed an offence by having sex with a male over 16. The answer is no, but the male would commit the offence (a technical Rape as consent cannot be given under 16, or the lesser offence of Sexual Activity With a Child).

With the Sexual Offences Act you have to look at the age of who the person is having sex with. If a 14 yr old is having sex with another 14 year old they would both commit the offence as the person they are having sex with is under the age of consent.

Hope that helps.

People make mistakes. Accidents do happen. But getting at 14/15/16 IS a mistake, isn't it?

Quite apart from the issue of whether the OP is a troll, I am somewhat disturbed by the fact that there does not seem to be any recognition on the part of the OP that having a child at such a young age, with no means of supporting herself or any partner in sight, IS A BAD THING, for her, for her dd.

I find it difficult to celebrate parenthood under those circumstances. They do say aspiration in the best form of contraceptive.

14/15 I agree with cos they are still at school and also sex before 16 is illegal.

However I don't agree that having a baby at 16 is necessarily a bad thing.

I think the legal issue is even more complicated than that. Even if the older person is over 16 depending on the age gap would depend if anything would be done about it. I guess it's what's reasonable - you wouldn't seriously believe that a 20something could see something in a 14yo, but 16 and 14 would be a different matter. I'll try to find out what the age thing is tomorrow.

Children, and let's face it a 15 year old in this day and age is very far from the responsibility of adulthood, having children is not a good thing.

OP having a baby at this time in her life with very little support is making life very difficult for herself and not ideal set of circumstances for bringing up a baby. She needs to go to university as she plans to (if she can be believed), get herself some marketable skills first and then think of starting a family. It might mean delaying motherhood for just another 7 years, but it could make all the difference between a comfortable life and one of financial worry.

This route is the scenic route, if the OP ever gets there. It is one I would be unequivocal in discouraging my dd from going down. I am assuming OP is in these straits because of an accident.

I don't think that teenage mums deserve a break any more than any other mother!

Just because you choose to have a baby in your teens, doesn't make you any different from the next mum, IMO!

by blueshoes .........

"It is one I would be unequivocal in discouraging my dd from going down. I am assuming OP is in these straits because of an accident".....

i understand what you mean, and wouldn't we all would prefer our children to be married in a loving relationship,financially stable etc,before entering into motherhood?, sadly though it is not always so idyllic.

it takes a lot of guts to be a teenage mum, to be up against so many prejudices, to be labeled, to be frowned upon.
if the op is for real, whether she is a mum due to an 'accident' is irrelevant, sounds to me she is trying to better herself,and make a good life for herself and her dd. that in itself should be admired.

love and encouragement is what these girls need. there is no point at all in stating the obvious.
i am sure she is well aware that her circumstances are far from ideal, but a loving supported mum is a loving happy mum, and i think that is whats important here.

just my opinion.

Matildax,
No-one 'deserves' not to be loved and supported. That really, really is not the point.

But- it is not up to the state, the taxpayer, me, you, to provide this 'love and support' through financial buffering pregnancy after pregnancy after pregnancy.

Of course life is not 'idyllic', but why can't we return to a degree of sensible caution. I very much believe in supporting those who are suffering in my community-the list is endless; dire poverty, mental illness, physical disability, physical illness, old age- BUT...most teenage pregnancy is entirely preventable (yes, yes, mistakes do happen)and not the best use of our limited resources; be they money, accomodation, or indeed our 'love and support'

Blueshoes I agree with you, aspiration is the the best form of conraception. My aunt in Spain, holds me up as a model to my three younger cousin's. I remember this clearly as I was crying down the phone when I didn't have a man or prospects of having a baby. She really doesn't like my sister for being a teenage mum to this day. The trouble is that I had my DS at 40. My cousins are 34 yrs, 32yrs and 29yrs. There are no signs of these girls having a baby. I wonder now if they are waiting to be 40 like me. Which is not ideal. Will they miss the chance! Life doesn't make things happen in the ideal way. If I had married in my 20's, to previous boyfriends I'm sure I would have been divorced, single Mum with possibly two kids to support. Not ideal either

Princeonthemove...
i understand completely what you are saying. i was just stating its pointless 'locking the stable door after the horse has bolted' iykwim?

i agree 100% with you, and believe more education from year 1 of senior school is definitely needed.
could make a huge difference.

Princeonthemove, Daisy15 isn't claiming any benefits other than EMA (which she gets for being at school) CB and CTC (which she would get whatever age she was and whether or not she is working). I don't understand this argument of "pregnancy after pregnancy" afterall every parent in the UK on this site gets benefits for every baby they have, unless they decide not to claim it - I only know one person who did that, but there's more to it than just not claiming.

(I know, there will be exceptions, I don't need a list of why some people don't get them, it's not important)

I appreciate that MN is open to all mothers. However, Daisy15 has had so many inconsistencies within her posts that she is very unlikely to be a teenage mum (I ma thinkging journo or 45yr old trucker called Trevor). After the ChristopherEthan debacle I am not going to fall for it again.

I have no problem with teenage mums claiming benefits for a couple of years whilst they get their act together. I am not going to lie, though, that I think it is preferable that they didn't get pregnant in the first place but accidents do happen.

Am shocked and disgusted at some of the attitudes on this thread.

I am in SHOCK! I acnnot believe that some people instead of offering KIND words of support for this girl, and helping her in the decision that she has already made are slating her and probably making her feel a lot worse!! Maybe this thread was a cry for help, she said herself that she doesn't like her life at the mo, so why doesnt someone offer to help instead of make this worse for her!!

Maybe some of you should think to yourselves just WHAT IF your dd's did have a baby at this young age, for whatever reason (no matter how hard you try, you cannot always control them!) how would you feel to know that other people would be saying things like this to her! Wouldnt you want people to support her and offer a kind hand so she could cope!Dont you think shes been judged enough and told enough about the mistake shes made, shes trying to be a good mum, why not praise people like this, at least shes not beating her child to death.....

Oh FGS sake this is blatantly that EthanChristopher troll again, blatantly.

Go away you weirdo and stop trying to drag people into your weird little fantasies.

OYM, My dd would be advised to terminate.

I personally believe this girl. I only signed up for mumsnet the other day so sadly i missed the convo. My cousin gave birth at 16 but my aunt insisted that it was a baby that she had adopted. My cousin was trapped by this and she left home very quickly. Two years later it was exposed that my aunt hadn't adopted the baby but had lied. I remember the fear that my cousin had. How lonely she had felt with no one to confind in but her cruel mother. Daisy's mother is at fault here and similarly my cousin lied in life to get somewhere, to be someone she wasn't.

I don't know much about this 'ethanchristoper' what exactly happened with that?

i dont know in what circumstances u became pregnant, but i do know that contraception isn't 100%. i once read about a 22yr who had 5 kids, every single one was conceived whilst using protection (condoms, pill, coil, implant etc) all had failed. she was begging to be sterilised but nhs refused because she was too young. seems you can never win, so give up trying to please everyone and concentrate on becoming the best mother you can. good luck!

Why is Daisy's mother to blame? Did I miss something on the thread?

Daily Mail?