AIBU to think that teenage mums should be given a break.

[Daisy15]

People are forever ranting on at me for having dd too young as if i don't already know it. Just wish i could shut them up ... any suggestions on how to do that?

Thanks

What about self respect? that also plays a big part in all of this as far as i can see.

I had my first b'f at the age of 15. I was with him until I was 21 and we did not have sex until after my 16th b'day and he was 4 yrs older than me.

It's simplistic to go for the LEGAL argument. I know for a fact that some of my schoolfriends had "done it" at 13. In fact they tried very hard to persuade me to "join in". I must admit I waited til I was 16 andput myself on the pill. But my friends weren't being abused - it was very consensual, with boys of a similar age.

Oh really, so because i didnt wait 6 years like you did i had no self respect LOL

FWIW i was with my first boyfriend from age 14 to 24, i wasnt sleeping around

I've had one night stands in the past as well, god im such a slapper

I never said anyone was a slapper, not a word i use.

But majority of little girls who have sex think it is a game and have very little self respect for whatever reason. I didn't wait 6 years. I waited until after I turned 16, went on the pill and then things eventually happened.

Panto and why didn't you join in?

Because you knew it was wrong, wanted to wait for someone special? or what? not getting at you just curious.

for me it was just waiting until the time was right and yes he played a big part in that as he was an adult and I was not.

"In fact, whoever impregnated you could/should have been jailed as a sex offender."

For all you know he could be younger than her Depending on his age depends on whether he would be prosecuted. If two people of exactly the same age have sex why is one a sex offender and not the other?

daisy, you were foolish to try and be someone you're not, I hope you have learnt that MN is one place you can be yourself. But it sounds like you are a fantastic mum who's just trying to do her best. Don't worry about what you're claiming, there will come a time when you've passed all your exams, get a good job and start paying into the system that helped you get started.

I am pregnant with my second (living) child and haven't been able to work since I was 17 because of my health. The benefits I claim are only disability benefits, apart from child benefit and CTC which I would get anyway. Am I any different to the OP? Should I have put off having children till my 40s when my health is mostly likely to improve? (But that's only one part of my health, the other part means I'm more likely to die in my 40s)

Like Sparkly my mum was 19 when I was born, she was married at 17 and m/c at 18, so technically a teenage mum. I loved having a young mum who could do what we did. My parents are an age gap relationship and we notice the difference between them!

To the OP, people will always moan.

Try not to take it personally, it could give you a depression.

The best way to make them not moan at you is to make a go of your life and to raise your dd really well.

We were only 20 when we had dd1, we relied on benefits for a couple of years, even though dh has always worked. Now dd pays 40% tax so it's not always taking without putting back in.

We were young, but we weren't scum.

'for me it was just waiting until the time was right'

Hey me too, only that time came when i was 15, and yes i knew it was wrong, but it still happened naturally, i was in love, and far from perfect

oh I wasn't perfect lol i made mistakes...

I wore the wrong clothes, ordered the wrong foods, dialled the wrong numbers, got my exams mixed up.....

mistakes

having sex willingly is not a mistake (not getting at you vinegar).

therefore getting pregnant generally goes with having sex....as i tell ds1 every action has a reaction.

oh dear.

i am afraid things like

"i am not a complete walking disaster jingle . . . " seems a mature way to punctuate things.

i can only conclude that i am indeed a troll basher - and i hate those, i truly do. but either your education has been really good - or you are considerably older.

if i were to anser the op pretending she wasn't a troll...!

"as if i didn't already know it" is the key phrase.

being a teen mum is s shite msituation to find yourself in

i was one.

its shit

i wouldnt want it for my children - and i don't think society should weave a lentil basket just for this section of society - wave tambourines and embrace them to their bosom - as long as this is not the norm and not accepted = that is a good thing
being pregant at 15 is not ideal - its bloody stupid - and perhaps the reaction your getting is as it as it should be?

lol Custardo you made me giggle then

So Custy- make them feel even more worthless and vulnerable than they already do? [hmmm]
How is that going to help anyone? If we don't want teenagers to get pregnant we need to raise the aspirations and self esteem (not easy and systemically very complex) rather than punish the mothers and children once they already have their babies.
For those young girls for whom it was an accident (not due to low self esteem, deprivation etc) handing out blame and shame seems equally absurd. Having a baby is hard and scary for everyone, these girls need all the help they can get and moralising about sex is damaging and naive.
Teenage mothers can be fantastic mothers and they have to cope not only with being young but also society's judgements. I'm not saying it's ideal, I've worked with too many young girls where it has ended in adoption to say that. Although these were girls who really had come from the most horrific pasts and just could not recover enough themselves in time to meet the needs of their babies.
I always think it's interesting how as a society we like to resent those most at the bottom of the scale- the most needy for the little that they get. Personally I feel much more resentful about the unequal pay structure in this society for example, that footballers or lawyers even earn so much when nurses and cleaners don't. Again I know that is very complex but to me if we're going to spend energy on 'I work hard and it's not fair' type thoughts then I think that is a far bigger and genuinely unfair problem.

I just can't do those darn emoticons!

custy, I agree "iconic yummy mummy" - from a 15/16 yo??
if you are not a troll OP then I'm sorry but we've had troll threads very much like this one recently. This all seems strangely familiar

whether troll or not- it's still an important debate

Moondog 'Putting good (or bad)events down to luck perpetuates the myth that we are victimes of circumstance with no personal responsibility.'

well, the fact dd suffered lack of oxygen and left severely brain damaged and thus led to us going on benefits is down to bad luck pure and simple. sheesh. I can't believe you said that.

Woah!

I wasn't going to get involved with this one untill i read 'i don't see why teenage parents don't get thier children taken away from them!' wtf?????!!!!!

I CHOSE to have children at 16 unfortunatley i miscarried my twins but i tried again and had ds when i was 17, i am a damn good mother thank you very much, no one would dare take my kids away from me, dp works domn hard in a job he's not fond of to support us.
I am as good as any other mother what ever age and dp is a damn good father, its really unkind to think i coudn't parent my children just because i was a teen when i had them.
How sad and single minded some of you are.

It's beside the point whether Daisy is a troll or not.

I've been working child free for the last 10 years and paying taxes for everyone else's children to go to school and so on. I think that is as it should be. Daisy's baby will be paying for our hip replacements when we get old enough. I prefer to live in a society where we help each other live at an acceptable level (though whether we actually do or not is a different argument). It really annoys me that people have to make everything about THEM and the work THEY do and the taxes they pay. Who knows whether one of you will need help at some point? It's a support network, not charity.

I don't see the point in constantly criticising people and making them feel worthless when the deed is already done. Now it's about the baby and it's mother's future.

15 yr olds make mistakes. That's why we don't let them live on their own or vote.

And I know it's should be its in that post.

Honest question here but is a young mum going to Uni claiming any more of "my" tax money than any other uni student?

I'd have thought that if in full-time study they get the same as any other student but with maybe some govt. childcare support.

Your average student will spend on beer what the young mum spends on nappies.

Either way, they will not be full tax payers until the age of about 21.

I did a post grad degree before working full-time so didn't contribute full tax till i was 22 (although did do part time jobs and pay NI and some tax). Now i'm an educational professional nobody has accused me of years of scrounging

I think teenage mums who deserve a break should be given one and thopse who expect everyone else to bail them out all the time shouldnt.
fluffles in answer to your question yes probably as university grants arent around in the same way anymore. People have to pay their own fees either with parents help, a job or loans.
I would love to go back back into education but cant afford to as am married with four children so we would be expected to pay the way ourselves. Which is fair enough. I will hve to wait until they are are older and I can earn enough to pay my own way as well as we carry on supporting out family. It should be the same for teenage mums though.

What the heck is she supposed to do with her baby now? Send it back?????!!!!!

Good grief people, give her a break. She's stuffed up, in some way, shape or form we all have. Some stuff ups are bigger than others, but they are still stuff ups.

And those people who don't think that 'society' pays for their stuff ups, are you serious???? So you've never smoked, never drank a bit much - and risked illness, don't overdo the sugar - and leave yourself open to adult diabetes, never jaywalked - and come close to getting hit, never taken your eyes off the road when driving for a moment - and risked and accident???

NMC, .

Notwithstanding your powerful post, I still agree entirely with Moondog 'Putting good (or bad)events down to luck perpetuates the myth that we are victimes of circumstance with no personal responsibility.'

The fact is that the benefits system exists for situations like yours. I'm proud that the safety net exists and I would willingly, enthusiastically pay taxes for these eventualities. The safety net is there for all of us. No amount of thrift or hard work could have prevented your situation. I applaud your bravery.

But your situation is qualitatively different from that of a feckless young teenage mother who chooses to have a baby before (if ever) being able to support it. That's why I agree with Moondog that personal responsibility is a key issue in this debate.