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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my friend of 2yrs has not invited me to her home ever

114 replies

lipstickjungle · 11/12/2008 14:18

hi i am dissapointed in my friend whom i have known for "2yrs she has never invited to her home she won't even let me know her street, she has been coming to my hse and we do a lot of things together, i know a lot of people are intimidated with my hme- its a long story (big mortgage ect) but i am really down to earth our babies are the same age apart from that she is lovely.

OP posts:
wotuhohohoinat · 11/12/2008 14:20

Have you tried saying 'I'll come to you for a change to save you driving' or something?

purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe · 11/12/2008 14:25

Maybe if you have an "intimidating home" then she LIKES being there f

Or, maybe she is part of the Witness Protection Program

Seriously though, maybe she is embarassed, or maybe she just wants to be seen for who she is, and would just worry and fuss if you came over.

caykon · 11/12/2008 14:26

it might just be embarresment, if her house isnt the smartest or cleanest.
I know it shouldnt matter you obviously like her for her but for some people they have real issues about these things

samsonara · 11/12/2008 14:33

I think that it's possible that your friend doesn't feel comfortable inviting you over and it's probably not personal, it might be something about the house, the mess etc and I think if you suggest meeting at hers when she hasn't invited you you might make her feel uncomforable and she might find excuses not to come over to yours? I know a very beautiful truly yummy mum and she never invited me over but she's been at ours and even had her dc little party in a cafe, much later she told me she lived in a coucil estate flat she hated, so don't take it personally,enjoy the friendship, some friendships are like this.

wotuhohohoinat · 11/12/2008 14:37

Has she ever said anything about where she lives? Maybe she lives in a HUGE mansion with a bulter and a cook and doesn't want you to feel bad!

Original poster
lipstickjungle · 11/12/2008 14:49

thanks ladies, she lives at least ten min walking distance, i truely value our friendship and she has offered before to look after my lo so it would just be nice if i knew where she lived.
sam thanks for hitting on the its not personal bit-its getting really chilly so sometimes its nice to meet at home instead of parks.

OP posts:
notyummy · 11/12/2008 14:50

I know someone like this. A few of us met up at ante natal classes and have kept in touch; take it turns to invite people over for coffee/sometimes have all kids and parents over on a weekend for Christmas/fireworks party. Out of 5 of us, she has never once asked anyone over....although she lives in a lovely new build 5 bedroom house that she told us about when they bought it! Gets kind of annoying (why should everyone else hoover the fecking biscuit crumbs out of the carpet after the toddlers have left...?) I have decided to rise above it and not do the tempting thing, which is to miss her off the list....

Original poster
lipstickjungle · 11/12/2008 14:52

i mean ladies would you let someone look after your baby if you did not know where they lived- a BIG no!

OP posts:
londontipton · 11/12/2008 14:57

Also experienced this with a school mum, she wouldn't even let me walk up her drive when I was picking her up for a school function (so she could drink), she was waiting by the bus stop out side.

Had her child at my house countless times...

There are some odd ones out there

(BTW the house was a very nice 3 bed thirties semi with very clean looking roman blinds etc)

pamelat · 11/12/2008 14:58

If her house is unclean or untidy, 2 years is long enough to have tidied up.

Do you ask about where she lives?

Original poster
lipstickjungle · 11/12/2008 15:01

i have asked her where she lived and she told me a street later when i said lets walk back together she told me she lived elsewhere i just put it down to pregnancy brain on my part, since my baby is only a few months old my hse is not spick n span either.

OP posts:
littletownofmeglethem · 11/12/2008 15:01

If you have a gorgeous house she probably feels embarrassed by her house.

my house is crappier than all my friends houses and I feel really pathetically when they come over.

babyloveschristmas · 11/12/2008 15:02

I would'nt let someone look after my DC, if I had'nt been to their house (I mean on a casual basis) but I do think she may have a valid reason, maybe her house is dirty or in bad repair, she is a clean freak and does'nt like mess (this one would pi** me off, if she was happy to come to mine), maybe her house is tiny or huge in comparision to your and she is embaressed or does'nt want you to be? Prehaps she is just weird? I would invite yourself over. This would bug me I'd need an answer. I had a friend like this and I invited myself over and discovered that she had been over plugging how clean and tidy her house was.LOL. We are not friends anymore for lots of reasons.

frankbestfriend · 11/12/2008 15:04

Why is your home intimidating?

Does it hang around on the corner of your street with it's hood up verbally abusing passers by?

lou031205 · 11/12/2008 15:08

I have to say that I only allowed 2 friends in my house, both of whom I had known for years, until a couple of months ago when we ripped up the floor in the lounge and put laminate down. DD1 has some development delays and kept tipping her potty on the floor straight after doing a wee, and it proved impossible to eradicate. It was stained and smelly.

Perhaps there is more to it than you realise.

wotuhohohoinat · 11/12/2008 15:08

Lol at frankbestfriend

clumsymum · 11/12/2008 15:11

There are people who I haven't invited to ours ever, because we have a lived in home, full of books/magazines, dogs and the odd dusty corner.

The people I don't invite do things like wash and dry their teapot as soon as they have finished with it (ours sits as it is until the next cup of tea is required), or sweep away a newspaper as soon as it is put down (I 'graze' the Sunday times over 4 or 5 days), and thy iron things like knickers & socks, while I feel life is too short, I could be tickling DS or helping with his guitar practice.

She may have no confidence in herself as a homemaker. Or she may have an abusive partner who smashes the place up? Or she may have a very loved old cat/dog, who makes the house smell horrid. Or she may just have a thing about not wanting people to know where she lives.

If you like her, don't take offence. Let her be who she is, someone who doesn't invite other people round.

wotuhohohoinat · 11/12/2008 15:16

Maybe she is like me and had a house full of toys (kids' toys, not the sex variety) and is sick of people telling her that she has too much.

pamelat · 11/12/2008 15:16

Surely it doesnt really matter what your house is like? As long as its clean.

"Lived in" is a good look

The Sunday Times is allowed out for 5 days in our house also!!

I don't even iron half my clothes (never mind socks etc).

I would be a bit at her saying she lived somewhere and then changing it?

babyloveschristmas · 11/12/2008 15:19

Lifes too short not to invite people over because of mess - if they are worth being friends with they won't be bothered. I have a couple of VERY tidy and clean friends and they don't give a stuff about my 'palace'.

wotuhohohoinat · 11/12/2008 15:20

On a serious note, though, it is a bit odd, is't it?

babyloveschristmas · 11/12/2008 15:21

Agree with Wot - it is a bit odd.

Ripeberry · 11/12/2008 15:22

I was a bit like that, been to lots of friend's houses but always felt embarassed about them coming to mine.
But now i've got a new 3 piece suite, new kitchen and dinning room flooring and re-decorated i feel much better about having people over.

MissAnthrope · 11/12/2008 15:22

Maybe it isn't her that doesn't want visitors to the house? Could be her dp/dh?

babyloveschristmas · 11/12/2008 15:24

Miss A could have a point - I know a women who's DH said she can't have people over as it makes their house messy. I think that is just weird.