my friend of 2yrs has not invited me to her home ever

[lipstickjungle]

hi i am dissapointed in my friend whom i have known for "2yrs she has never invited to her home she won't even let me know her street, she has been coming to my hse and we do a lot of things together, i know a lot of people are intimidated with my hme- its a long story (big mortgage ect) but i am really down to earth our babies are the same age apart from that she is lovely.

Solo - and about your "friend".

I wouldn't hire a babysitter. The only people I have ever trusted with my Dc's are my parents and my brother. It took until Ds was about 2 for me to ask/let my brother babysit(and he's a father of 3!). It's not that I don't trust him btw, I'm just very protective...I'd rather not go out than hire a sitter ~ not that I could afford to go out anyway, let alone pay a sitter and go out.

"What if her Dp is not trustworthy?"

What difference is knowing their address going to make to whether their DP is trustworthy or not???

FAQ, I have to say that I gave her a piece of my mind about something else when I was reasonably recovered(spent 3 months in hospital )and I didn't see or speak to her for almost 15 years after that. We are no longer close!

I had/have major privacy issues with my home. I suffer panic attacks when anyone even mentions popping round to mine for a coffee.. i know its silly.. but ive always had it since i was little.. when someone used to come in my bedroom or anything.. it sets me off into a whirl.. its worrying me just thinking about it.. lol.. it isnt dirty, or anything.. its just i cant cope with someone in my very personal space.. I think if i were your friend, and like people have suggested like.. Just trying to invite yourself, i would probably completely break down..

Good idea Zebra. Best approach is the direct one with compassion of course!

We never have people around - we used to before DD but afterwards we just can't. We both work from one of the bedrooms, and we have one other bedroom, we have a bathroom and only one other room with kitchen adjoining. Our place is stuffed to the gills with chests of drawers and laundry baskets, and one room is effectively a no go area.

Some of my friends' children are very clumsy - not their fault of course - but that's the reality - and we have cream carpets. We have the lease on our flat - we don't own it and I don't want to have to replace the carpets just for the sake of a cup of coffee, or lose our considerable deposit.

Dd is extremely neat and is totally house trained - we never put away our lovely things just because we had her, but her pals are wild in comparison and pick up and break stuff. I don't want to always have to watch visitors like a hawk just to make sure that my office and home aren't wrecked. And I would feel uncomfortable telling someones' child to "put that down please"!

We always meet in neutral areas, and I explain our flat is too small for visitors.
All my friends are cool with this.

Well, I mean how would you know and if you had no idea where they lived, why would you place your Dc in that situation or possibly bad situation. I'm not coming over the way I'm meaning to here. For me, I wouldn't be happy doing it, that's all I can say...I've met too many 'bad' men and don't trust anyone at face value.

I was so lucky earlier this year when I hit rock bottom. Finally rang my BF up in tears late(ish) one night about a couple of weeks after exH moved out. I'd been putting on the "brave" face to her, but really I was a right bloody mess, drinking a small bottle of brandy a day, housework had basically not been touched for 3 weeks (except enough to be able to feed the DS's, make sure they had something for the following day to wear etc). So house was a bloody pigsty,

at that point I was still overly concious about any mess in the house as exH was a bit of a clean freak and he was due to pick the DS's up on the Saturday (I rang her late Thursday night) and i really didn't want him to see it in that state (as at that point in the break-up it would have been a "I told you that you couldn't manage the house and the boys on your own". (Now is totally different, he's come in when it's totally cluttered and doesn't bat and eyelid - and i don't care anymore either)

She came over on the Friday morning and spent the entire (school) day cleaning my house, washing the dishes, hoovering, put a load of washing in, swept my floor etc etc.

And for a month or so after that either she, or one of 2 other friends would pop in to see me on a daily basis (sometimes only for 10/15 minutes - but enough to keep me sane as I couldn't bear to drag myself out of the house any more than I had to - ie pick DS's up from school and drop them off).

Even in those short visist they'd do someting small to help - wash baby bottles, pick toys up off the floor, hoover etc etc.

God I don't know what I@d have done without them

sorry - last post a bit of an off-topic tangent .

Solo - I don't know the husbands of most of my friends - they mostly work, and I usually see my friends during teh day.

That's lovely FAQ. It's good to have good friends. Perhaps it was the bad experience with the 'friend' in the 80's that has made me the way I am now...ie not asking anyone in. Sad really

But if you'd met a mum at post natal group 2 years before, didn't know her address and presumably not met her Dp, would you let that mum take your toddler off to her place on her own? I wouldn't!

yes I was very lucky. I still see 2 of those friends very reguarly. My BF who does the same school run (2 schools) everyday, along with one of the others. Together we run the toddler group and the monthly after school service so have regulalr meetings, plus see each other at church/school events etc.

They still listen to me rant when I'm having a shit day.........although a lot of the time I'm sure they're just sitting nodding/shaking head/saying yes/no etc so I feel I'm being listened to (not that I'm bothered I often just need to let off steam so I don't bottle it up - not really looking for responses or sympathy )

not having met the DP/DH wouldn't bother me in the slightest, I've never met most of my friends DP/H's. Not knowing the address, well if they were to take my DC then I would probably ask for their address before they left with them.

You are doing really well now though. I remember worrying about you myself back then. I remember the threads well.

yeah I'm getting there . I've found wafflnig on at anyone who will appear to listen to me helps keep my head above the water.

But you wouldn't not get their address at very least, would you?

It's a bit like permanent constipation isn't it? You sooooo want to get shot of the crap, but it wont go!

I have to go to bed. Take care.x

yes - I've got a lot on atm, hoping after Christmas once I finally move things will get better.

Sleep well

I'm sure the fresh start will be good for you all...Night!

Why would you need their address if they were going to be looking after your DC in your own home though or taking them swimming or to the cinema or to the park or whatever.

And I don't see how knowing their address makes you know if their dp is trustworthy or not.

Maybe I'm just too trusting.

It took my (now) DH at least 3 years to invite me to his parents home (where he lived when we first got together). Some people are just not comfortable about these sorts of things.

swedes i i laughed so much follow what with a four wheel drive pram which needs a parking permit she would see me a mile away, i respect her privacy, i have an open day once a week were anyone can drop in ,
wotu-yes my house has its own park and our front bit opens onto the thames so yes thats intimidating though i as a person shops at poundland.

kitteh I know exactly how you feel. Its something I find very difficult to overcome. I only started feeling shy about people coming round when I had to move away from friends and family to another part of the country. I would love to be more outgoing and sociable but something seems to hold me back.

what do you mean has it's own park?

ha ha nappy i just thought wotu was being bitchy in her remarks-"intimidating ffs" so i thought i would have her on about the thames n park bit sorry.