To feel a bit icky about this? What would you do?

[mindalina]

I've got a friend who occasionally babysits for me. He's an old friend of DP's who I've also known for around four or five years now. I trust him completely with DS - DS adores him, it's really sweet.

But.

On Saturday I closed a tab in firefox by accident and couldn't find again, so I went rummaging in my history and was shocked to find a couple of links to a porn site in my history! I thought maybe it was DP one evening, so I checked the time and date, and it was the other Thursday afternoon when I popped into to work for an hour, and my friend watched DS.

Now I'm not offended by porn in itself (I do understand there are exploitation issues etc, but they aren't really my main concern atm), nor am I even particularly bothered by the fact he accessed porn on my computer when I wasn't there. I am however concerned about DS being exposed to pornography at the tender age of 23 months. I know DS wasn't napping, because he has morning naps most of the time.

What would you do? I can hardly bear to bring it up with my friend ("So, the porn you watched the other day on my pc, any good? Good, now don't ever watch it again when DS around please" eww no) but equally I now don't feel entirely comfortable leaving him with DS iyswim. Surely it's kind of obvious that you don't watch porn around a toddler? I don't really know what to do about it. It would harshly suck to lose my only babysitter, but I'm not comfortable with this. It's possible DS was playing in his room so couldn't see anything, but I don't know...

help me please!

Dittany I won't be using him as a babysitter anymore, I did say that a few posts ago but easy to miss one line in amongst walls of text And I know it's not what I said originally, but I have reconsidered since then.

I am going to call the NSPCC tomorrow, if only to talk it through with someone who really knows what they're talking about - no offence intended to all of you who have given me input here (I know some of you are professionals, and some have personal experiences ), but you know what I mean. Also, this is more about me and DS than him, iyswim? I need to make sure that I am protecting DS properly and that there is not something glaring I have missed.

I do feel more and more uncomfortable about this the more I think about it, so think tbh I will phase out my contact with this man. Or cut it dead completely, w/e. DP can explain why to him if need be. Whoever said that the seed of doubt is sown now is quite right, and I will not allow my child to suffer if I can stop it.

Panic not, I've no intention of calling the police out on him! But it's quite right that if I thought it was all innocent it wouldn't have preyed on my mind so much as to cause me to post here about.

Thanks again for valuable input - I am grateful to have been able to get so many opinions on this and you have definitely informed my decision to stop him babysitting. Thanks also for NSPCC tip, it wouldn't have occurred to me to call them.

FWIW I think it is the right thing to do. Well done for keeping your head cool, I'd have been climbing the walls!

good luck Mindalina, let us know how you get on?

I think you have made some sensible decisions in your last post. Good luck and hope everything turns out well for you and DS.

All the best with it Mindalina, I hope you've set your mind at rest- I think you are doing the right thing x

great mindalina, you are doing the best thing ever x

Mindalina you are doing absolutely the right thing. At the risk of sounding very uptight, I am extemely careful about who looks after my kids (including family members).

Infact there is only 1 person I have allowed to babysit for us. I personally feel you can never be too cautious about who you trust with the most precious people in your life (especially as your DS cannot tell you what is going on yet).

Hi Mindalina,am with you all the way re stopping him babysitting and asking advice from nspcc!
One warning~dont let the guy change your mind!
Good luck !.

Good morning! Just a v quick update for anyone's who is interested - I have been able to speak to someone at NSPCC who was very nice and has generally put my mind at rest. They said that I've done the right thing in not having babysit again, and also advised me that if DS had seen the pornography, as a one-off, it's unlikely to have had much impact anyway.

They also asked if friend has much contact with other children (which he doesn't at all, as far as I know - not many people in our friendship group with kids yet) and said that, while I obviously don't want to start throwing accusations of paedophilia around, if anything were to happen in the future that were to make me worry, I could obviously pass this information onto the police or whoever at that point.

So all in all I feel much reassured. Am going to have little to no contact with friend in question and certainly not ever have him babysit again. Thank you all again for kind words and advice (and er, for the kick up the arse necessary to ditch crap babysitter ) Most un-MN (((hugs))) to all for making this something that has now been resolved rather than something that makes me lose sleep at night

Youve done the right thing and good luck with finding a more appropriate babysitter

glad you've sorted it out and not losing sleep

interesting point about if he suddenly starts offering to baby sit for someone else tho. hadn't thought of that.

Which is why people should make sure that small concerns are passed along - not because one thing is a problem but because one thing (like this) reported by 5 or 10 people could be construed as a real warning sign. The more information we have the better the choices we can make!

Mindalina-just a thought, does he have access to the internet at home? Could it just be that someone had given him a nudge and said 'hey, you've gotta have a look at this' type of thing.? I personally would have mentioned it to him, he would have probably been mortified. I think its a shame that you feel unable to have him babysit any longer but i totally understand your reasoning for it.

Far to dodgy to let him watch your toddler again, or I'd set up a cam!

does not matter if he has access to a computer elsewhere or not, the fact remains that something prompted him to think it was ok to watch porn while babysitting the OPs DS. It can never ever be ok. and she has done the right thing to ensure he never babysits again.

this is a thread from last year, people!

This is a very old thread!

Gosh I would not be happy with this.

With regards to how to deal with it, as I would only have trusted friends looking after DS for me I would like to feel that I would be able to just say "please don't watch porn while you're babysitting for me, even if DS is in the other room" and that they would acept this without being embarrassed or defensive or anything.

What, last year?

[Note to self: read properly woman!]

Ffs, I just wasted aaages reading this thread and never noticed the date!!!

YANBU, no matter how good a friend he is you dont want someone watching porn (and having a tug? ugh) when baby sitting. How you handle this is up to you but YANBU at all