Do you write thank you letters after childrens birthday parties? SURELY it's massive overkill / completely over the top gratitude when you've spent ££££ on a party etc?

[PopBitch]

Dd had a party at the weekend and invited the whole class. She was 5 and had a bouncy castle and face painter, it was a fab party.

She was given presents by the guests and we took them home to open later (as otherwise we'd have spent hours opening them at the party).

My questions are:

• Do I HAVE to write thank you notes?
• Do you?
• And if so, do I HAVE to personalise them?
• And What Is The Point?

My feeling is that this is complete overkill since:

a) we provided a party, they provided a gift, that's the deal, everyone's happy, surely?

b) the children giving the gift probably didn't know what was in it in most cases (I alays buy presents for my children to take to parties so it's not as if any special effort has gone into it)

c) In which case, it's the PARENTS writing to the other parents isn't it?

d) it's a waste of trees and time and effort

e) we said thank you at the time, when we were given the gift. They said thank you for having me at the end of the party, all done and dusted, surely?

So, AIBU to NOT indulge in this competitive thanking? I am very interested to know what the mn consensus is on this!

Thisisyesterday:
If you honestly don't know that
"MMmmm nice. I'm thankful my children aren't at school with yours.
take the "pop" out of your name and I think we've got it"
Is incredibly, insanely rude and aggressive, I think that confirms that you are in no position to be lecturing anyone at all about manners.

Thisisyesterday:
If you honestly don't know that
"MMmmm nice. I'm thankful my children aren't at school with yours.
take the "pop" out of your name and I think we've got it"
Is incredibly, insanely rude and aggressive, I think that confirms that you are in no position to be lecturing anyone at all about manners.

ok mabanana, if you say so

lol turkeylurkey

There were plenty of adults helping, parents were welcome to drop and run.

hmm, I do actually know who bought what because one of the adults said we ought to write it down. So IN THEORY I could write personalised thank you cards. But in practice I think it is a load of old toss and unnecessary.

PMSL @ TurkeyLurkey's last post

I did actually have 2 adults helping me on Saturday for DS2's party, but one of them had her own toddler to keep an eye on, and it had been so rushed at the end that she was still in the kitchen making sandwiches, my other friend was updating one of the other mum's on her youngest DD's big operation that she recently had - and I was hardly going to say "sorry please stop dicussing this major op your DD has had very recently and help me RIGHT NOW".............(well I suppose I could have done but I wouldn't as she's still feeling pretty raw about the total mismanagement of her DD's pain relief that occured on the first night)

bollockbrain- because no one I know in real life is that organised. I would like to be. But have been to numerous parties and there's never been someone at hand with a roll of sellotape. To be honest I would make a mental 'control freak' note to myself. I would rather the host was relaxing and enjoying themselves than obsessing about who gave what.

I had so many helpers I actually had very little work to do myself. It was quite a relaxing 2 hours, which is what I call a result.

I am intrigued to read why some people feel it's so important.

I think it's important because it teaches your children that it is good manners to thank people.
not only for buying them a present, but for making the effort to come and celebrate their birthday with them.

it shows the parents and the other child that you appreciated them being there, and that you appreciated the present being given,

can't be arsed to go backwards and forwards over the same points.

Some do and have their reasons, some don't and have theirs.

Let's agree to differ.

Nuff said, im off this thread. its getting boring.

Message withdrawn

oh and to clairfy my position

I will be shortly sending out thankyou notes for

Presents that DS2 receieved from family/friends outside of his birthday party

Presents that DS3 recieved for his Christening yesterday

The organist that travelled 50 miles to play for the Christening (for free!!)

I will NOT be sending out thank you notes to those that brought presents to his party.

I won't read all the posts as someone said it was heated and I won't get into that, but in response to the OP -

I always write thank you cards. I do so hope that good manners aren't becoming old fashioned, how sad if they are.
I intend to continue to have manners and to teach them to my children. I don't want standards slipping.

Until my children are old enough to buy the gift for their friend themselves and write their own cards, of course it's one parent thanking the other. I spend time and effort choosing a gift for a child and I when I'm not thanked I do wonder why. Seems a bit odd to me but that's because I'd never dream of not thanking someone (and yes I do also try very hard to personalise the thank you with what it is that person actually bought - so thank you for the barbie doll, or thank you for the book etc)

I always thought that you threw a party for your child, for your child, not everyone else. The fact that parents give up at least 3 hours of their Saturday, dress their child up, buy a gift, wrap it, drive child over, stay, drive child back again, to make my child's party special and enjoyable, I'm incredibly grateful for that.

However it's your call. If you don't want to write a thank you then so be it. I think it's a shame though and not the way I want to live my life.

What you need to ask yourselves is what would you do if you had 30 children to write to and no computer-would you really sit down and pen 30 little individual letters? When your DC got to an age where his mummy couldn't be expected to write his letters would you really expect him to sit down and write 20 or so letters by hand? I suspect not-it is only workable because you can knock it off quickly on the computer. Thanking face to face is a lot simpler!

And then, when you've brought them up so beautifully, they can apparently grow up to be the kind of people who likes to insult strangers on the internet. Marvellous.

I suppose all you adults write thank you notes to everyone who gives you a birthday present, even if you thanked them in person?

actually, one other thing, going back to what you said about nto wanting to be friends with the other mums. or, not caring either way, whichever it was you meant.

presumably you invited the whole class because you;ve just moved there and you're interested in your DD making friends?
I think that as your child makes friends at school, you naturally make friends with some of the parents. no?
if you come across in real life as you've described yourself on here (ie, not caring what people think as they aren't your friends, not caring what you buy as presents etc etc) then the other parents may not be that keen on their children coming to your house and all that kind of stuff.

I think it pays to be polite to other mums. that's all

But IS it teaching 'good manners'? Really?

What, that your MUM types a letter to someone who is in your class and had a party and sends this letter (which you may have scrawled on in 5yo fashion) to another parent, who will glance at it and then put it in the bin? Or do you all display them or something?

I do think please and thank you and general consideration for other peoples feelings are all good manners. Good manners are all about making other people feel comfortable and about being grateful and considerate. not, imo, about writing notes for the sake of some notion of 'form'.

and yes, I do write thank you notes for all the presents I receive.

have to say it is annoying/confusing when you cant match up the presents to the cards/guests

i ALWAYS really sellotpae my card to pressie to avoid confusion for others

And I have always invited 30 children to my DD's birthday's, they both have a birthday just before Xmas and each person who buys a gift for each child, both for birthdays and Xmas gets a HAND written, personalised thank you. There's nothing competitive about it. I was bought up by my mother to say thanks for having me and to write my thank you cards out. Would never dream of not doing it.

Jesus, if someone wrote to me to say thank you for the present I got for their birthday and for which they thanked me in person, I would think they should get out more!

it is teaching them if you involve them, surely?
if your children are at school then they are old enough to be part of the process of writing thingsm even if they can't do the whole thing themselves

Are you saying Thomcat that your DD writes 30 handwritten notes + all her family ones for Christmas and Birthday?

I don't - can't be arsed - just say thank you when they go - have more improtant things to get on with (ie no time to print off lovely piccys of kids and then write in mulitcolour a lovely competitive mum thank you card)

How sad that if I thanked you on the day and then wrote a note to say thanks for the X you'd think I had to get out more Won't stop me writing thank you notes though, just think it's sad that that would be someones response. Guess that's the sort of mum that wouldn't think to thank me for the hours trip out especially to hand pick a thoughtful gift for their child, then got my other 2 kids looked after while I drove to party, stayed and came back again. Different strokes for different folks. I'll stick to being me on this one though!

I'm with ThomCat. But I do cheat - see earlier post. I'm always amazed that people bringing up children can be quite so abusive to others. Hopefully, it's internet based only...