Do you write thank you letters after childrens birthday parties? SURELY it's massive overkill / completely over the top gratitude when you've spent ££££ on a party etc?

[PopBitch]

Dd had a party at the weekend and invited the whole class. She was 5 and had a bouncy castle and face painter, it was a fab party.

She was given presents by the guests and we took them home to open later (as otherwise we'd have spent hours opening them at the party).

My questions are:

• Do I HAVE to write thank you notes?
• Do you?
• And if so, do I HAVE to personalise them?
• And What Is The Point?

My feeling is that this is complete overkill since:

a) we provided a party, they provided a gift, that's the deal, everyone's happy, surely?

b) the children giving the gift probably didn't know what was in it in most cases (I alays buy presents for my children to take to parties so it's not as if any special effort has gone into it)

c) In which case, it's the PARENTS writing to the other parents isn't it?

d) it's a waste of trees and time and effort

e) we said thank you at the time, when we were given the gift. They said thank you for having me at the end of the party, all done and dusted, surely?

So, AIBU to NOT indulge in this competitive thanking? I am very interested to know what the mn consensus is on this!

bollockbrain - are you having us on?

writing thank you letters is not new fangled.

ok, so some people may use new technology to do so, ie, a computer. but the idea in general isn't new-fangled.

I agree with thank you notes to relatives and grandparents though that's different.

pices, YES, that's exactly it! That's how I feel about it!

DD always sends thank you notes to her guests after her birthday parties. Since starting school she has done them herself. As she doesnt open the gifts until after her guests have left we find it works better.

I don;t think it is competitive thanking.

Ours are personalised on the whole. They certainly are alla ddressed to the child in question persnally, and they will mention the gift from that child also.

IMO it is just being polite.

OH yes the oldies and rellies get them, but NOT classmates. No.

ahh so I see, instead of thanking the parents/child for the gift when they come in and making sure the child is settled, have got their coat off, and confirmed parents questions about pick-up time/phone numbers etc etc , I'm supposed to stand their with sellotape to secure their cards to the present (presuming they've brought one), and write down which children brought presents just incase they still get separated from cards and so I don't send a thankyou for your gift note to a child that didn't bring one.

I would have been mortified if I'd recieved a note thanking one of my DS's for their gifts on the odd occasion they hadn't actually taken one............

I think it is a horrible thing to open them after the guests have gone home. Half the pleasure of presents is in the giving and seeing the reaction of the person opening it! If you have a very simple method of opening presents as given, thanking is very simple. It seems very cold to open them in private and the parent to write a letter on the computer and then call it good manners! Another reason for not having ridiculous whole class parties! If you have reasonable numbers you can keep it on a personal level and not some sort of production line!

what nasty, distasteful and personally insulting posts from Thisisyesterday, who IMO has no right to be lecturing others about manners.

KatieDD - that is a bit mean saying some of the presents were such tat you would not be able to say anything nice about it in a note

Not everyone has the money to buy superb presents, but it is the thought that counts and polite to write to thank them, no matter what it was or whether you liked it or not. Just pass it on to the next charity event or bring and buy.

I agree that they should say a sincere thankyou either by telephone or face to face but not in a bloody letter. Neither of my children have ever written or received a thankyou letter and I get comments all the time on how good their manners are!Not saying its wrong but Its not a what I would do!

This is yesterday - your post of 19:03:43 was pretty rude, ironic since you are berating PB for being so 'rude' anyway I have a RL supper to cook so must stop pointlessly arguing about thank you letters

Hmmm, I am 1/2 and 1/2. I don't always send cards for people I have thanked in person, but always if a gift is sent. But then in a party situation it's all abit hectic to say a proper thankyou, some parents dump and run etc. so I think it does no hard to send them.

And sooo many thankyou cards say 'thankyou for your kind gift ' this always makes me feel like the person can't remember what you got them. I would rather have a personal phone call than a letter like that.

That's exactly what I did with them, but the point was not the money spent, more the complete lack of thought actually.

rude? not sure.
honest? yes.

you do all seem to be a bit, erm, defensive??

Hmm - seems quite heated....I think it's polite, a bit of a faff, but just 'the done thing'. Like saying thank you repeatedly backwards and forwards at the till in Asda. We do this - we take a nice group photo at the party, take the sd card to Boots and knock up a generic thankyou for coming and for my present card for 49p each. It looks nice, not much effort and a tenner on top of the party doesn't hurt too much.

FFS - what do you mean, am i having you on?

Normally there is more than one adult helping at a party yes? One of those adults can just stick the card to pressie surely?

If you are doing a party on your own there will not be that many children there so you would know who gave what.

"Half the pleasure of presents is in the giving and seeing the reaction of the person opening it! "

Yes and half the pleasure in giving a gift is knowing that the person appreciates it and it isn't just chucked on a pile/in a box in haste so that next present can be opened..........

Hey, I don't mind being called a bitch, I asked for it calling myself this tbh!

And I am honestly interested in what people think about this. I do fairly strongly feel that it's a complete waste of time and a load of old toss but I am intrigued to read why some people feel it's so important.

FAQ - what you need to do is shove a black marker pen up your arse and learn to write with it. Whilst balancing cakes, coats and toddlers in both hands you can thus simultaneously write the givers name on the present and hey presto you will never not know who the gift is from again!

You could even shove a sparkler up your arse for added party va va vroom (wind direction dependent of course).

I send "thank you" e-mails.

haha bollockbrain - I had a party for DS1 in September - 5 of his friends came, plus I had him and my younger DS's to look after. We went to McDonalds for a meal before coming here, I'm afraid no despite the small number of children attending I didn't quite have the chance to stand their and scrutinise which children brought which shaped presents - and as most of them got shoved under the pushchair to take back to ours (as we went back their afterwards) there was no "order" possible.......and yes I was on my own.