Do you write thank you letters after childrens birthday parties? SURELY it's massive overkill / completely over the top gratitude when you've spent ££££ on a party etc?

[PopBitch]

Dd had a party at the weekend and invited the whole class. She was 5 and had a bouncy castle and face painter, it was a fab party.

She was given presents by the guests and we took them home to open later (as otherwise we'd have spent hours opening them at the party).

My questions are:

• Do I HAVE to write thank you notes?
• Do you?
• And if so, do I HAVE to personalise them?
• And What Is The Point?

My feeling is that this is complete overkill since:

a) we provided a party, they provided a gift, that's the deal, everyone's happy, surely?

b) the children giving the gift probably didn't know what was in it in most cases (I alays buy presents for my children to take to parties so it's not as if any special effort has gone into it)

c) In which case, it's the PARENTS writing to the other parents isn't it?

d) it's a waste of trees and time and effort

e) we said thank you at the time, when we were given the gift. They said thank you for having me at the end of the party, all done and dusted, surely?

So, AIBU to NOT indulge in this competitive thanking? I am very interested to know what the mn consensus is on this!

Message withdrawn

It is not new fangled at all popb - it is new fangled NOT to write and thank people for a present.

Did you not ever write to thank people when you were a child, because if you didnt i would say you were very much in the minority.

it is not OTT

it is good manners

I deffo had to either call or write to thank people for gifts when i was younger

as a PP has said, you can rustle them up on the computer in no time

god I would never get my children to open the presents as they arrived. DS1 went to a party a few years ago where that happened it was awful - present ripped open, a thank you mumbled, toy chucked on a pile and the next one ripped open.

Much prefer my children to say thankyou to their guest when they're given their present, thank their guest at the end for coming and then open the presents and actually appreciate them as they're opened (pretty much the same reason we do "ordered" present unwrapping at christmas time)

No thisisyesterday and that's fine, I have plenty of friends and don't have time for any more. I really don't mind that at all!

I am interested in how this started, I really don't remember having to do this when I was a child. Is it a recent thing do we think?

Why did all of you who think it IS a good idea start doing it? Or did you just decide to?

I suppose I also think if it's just a parent created production line letter then what IS the point?

Podrick - could you come to my kids next birthday party and keep my presents/tags together. They are 6 and 7 and there are about 30 kids.

I have more chance of plaiting fog.

why, what have I said that's rude?

As a child I think I had to write to say thanks for birthday and Christmas presents but not presents from other children received at my parties.

"If you can't work out which gift came from who then this is your own problem and again it is very rude not to make the effort to keep gifts and cards together so that you know who gave what."

Oh I'm terribly sorry that the only place to put the presents where 2 toddlers wouldn't rip them open (instead of DS2) was in my small kitchen, which was already full of party food/stuff and they got mixed up as they had to be moved to make space to cut the cake for guests to take a piece home with them, finish putting the food out etc etc

I make something on the computer with a nice picture on it that says thank you for my present - and ds takes them to school to hand out. Adults get a picture or or card and ds writes his name and thank you on it. For ds's last party all the guests got a fab party bag including a book that was probably better than some of the presents he got and I didn't expect thank you cards for those. It could go on FOREVER! Aaargh.

..and some parents use the stingiest bit of sellotape to tape the card to the present so at the slightest guff of wind it falls off anyway.

but you could still thank the people for coming to the party, and for giving a gift. even if you don't know what they gave.

it is just good manners surely???

if mine had a party and the presents come in, the child gives the present to my dc and i put it in a bag or box, i keep sellotape near by to stick card on pressie.

Later when they are opened, I like others make a note of who sent what and that is it. Mine have never opened the present at the party.

I always had to write thank you letters as a child so agree with those who say its traditional.

As for keeping presents together - DD is only 'almost 4' but I have managed to work out that you need to sellotape the card to the pressie as they will be bunged in a pile until later. Obv not much you can do though if they haven't been at your own party - although at dd's last year I did try and keep them together from where they had been piled on a present table.

It is actually new fangled -it never happened before computers! I can't see the point in a six year old thanking everyone as he opens it and then writing to say the same thing! I wouldn't think it fair for a 6 yr old to do a handwritten letter to every guest and I really don't see the point in my DC being given a letter written by the mother and signed by the DC. She could simply thank me when she saw me.

agree that I NEVER had to write a thank you note to a child when I was a child. I think it is competitive thanking too.
They come to lavish party with entertainer, get fed and get a fab party bag to take home. Do I expect a thank you card for the party? No!

I also had to write individual "thank you for my X" notes for Christmas and Birthday presents that weren't recieved at my parties, but never for the ones that were given at the party.

Well said FAQ.

No I never have, we say thank you for the present as we hand out the party bags.
I worked out it adds up to around £20 a head.
No wonder my poor 3rd child's hasn't been to one party yet it's getting totally out of hand and is the first thing people cut back on.
And some of the tat people have given my kids over the years it would be hard to think of something nice to say about it in a note anyway.

Message withdrawn

ha ha, yes it could go on for ever:

"please come to my party"

"thanks for the invitation, I would love to come"

"thanks for the present of playdoh, I loved playing with it, here's a photo of me opening it"

"thank you for your thank you letter, I liked the picture, here's one of me opening your letter"

etc

It's not general Thank you letters PB is talking about, it's post party ones.

I would say out of the 20 or so parties dd has been too since she started school(and yes she is invited all the time and several years in a row to the same children who we didn't send thank you cards too ) 3 or 4 children have sent thank you notes Everyone else accepts it's not necessary. I know lots of the mums well and they are lovely people but I think generally it's just not the done thing.
(Parents, Grandparents, friends who buy dcs presents ALWAYS get thank yous)

i agree with pisces - bit OTT for my liking!

I have never received a thank you note in my life and I've bought people lots of presents. I wrote some after my own wedding because my mil went on at me, but other than that I never have.

Why would a person need to write a note if they've said thank you in person??

But I guess it's just something else for people to be all judgy and anal about!!

YANB at all U! If the children didn't thank someone in person, then if they can write it themselves perhaps, but not for people you have said thankyou to already. My SIL sent me a thankyou card from DN (1yo) Why??? She had already thanked me on the phone- waste of paper in my view