Do you write thank you letters after childrens birthday parties? SURELY it's massive overkill / completely over the top gratitude when you've spent ££££ on a party etc?

[PopBitch]

Dd had a party at the weekend and invited the whole class. She was 5 and had a bouncy castle and face painter, it was a fab party.

She was given presents by the guests and we took them home to open later (as otherwise we'd have spent hours opening them at the party).

My questions are:

• Do I HAVE to write thank you notes?
• Do you?
• And if so, do I HAVE to personalise them?
• And What Is The Point?

My feeling is that this is complete overkill since:

a) we provided a party, they provided a gift, that's the deal, everyone's happy, surely?

b) the children giving the gift probably didn't know what was in it in most cases (I alays buy presents for my children to take to parties so it's not as if any special effort has gone into it)

c) In which case, it's the PARENTS writing to the other parents isn't it?

d) it's a waste of trees and time and effort

e) we said thank you at the time, when we were given the gift. They said thank you for having me at the end of the party, all done and dusted, surely?

So, AIBU to NOT indulge in this competitive thanking? I am very interested to know what the mn consensus is on this!

you don't want to get involved in 'competitive thanking' but haven't you just indulged in 'competitive partying'? Why else would you invite an entire class of 5 year olds to your dd's birthday in the first place?

thisisyesterday, no, I really don't want to make friends with them, honestly, I have enough friends.

I invited the whole class because she hasn't been there long so doesn't really have a friendship group yet and in a hall with a castle it was fine by me if most of them came.

This is what I do if anyone is interested

If you come to the party and bring a gift, birthday child will say thankyou to your face therefore negating the need for corespondance.

If you send a gift through a third party then you get a thankyou letter.

At christmas , people who visit on the day or after have their gift opened in front of them and are thanked verbally. People who bring gifts early or send them are written a letter. I don't see the need for thanking people twice. If someone wasn't there I wouldn't phone them to thank them verbally and then confirm in writing.

No I write 30 thank you cards for her birthday (she is 7 but has SN's), I write them for DD2 too as she is 3 and I'll do the same for Xmas yes. Feel very sad that anyone thinks tht'a competitive. I have ALWAYS since I could write my own name written out thank you cards, and I always will. Competitive mothering my arse, it's just something I've always done.

We always send personalised thank you notes.

The money I have chosen to spend on the party is not the concern of the person who bought the pressie, I did not spend that money so that they would bring a pressie

DS1's (4th) last party we sat on the weekend after the party painting pictures he painted a picture for each of his friends to say thank you.

once they were dry I wrote on the back - thank you for my *() and DS1 wrote as much of his name as he could.

Amazing as it may sound, I wasn't speaking as a 'mum'. SOme people here claim they write thank you notes to THEIR friends for any gift. I find the veneer of good manners is very thin on here. If you say you think 30 individual thank you notes is overkillwhen you have provided entertainment, tea and bloody lavish party bags for 30 kids, then you seem to be called a 'bitch' or have snide remarks made about you quite freely!

But you still haven't said who writes these handwritten notes, Thomcat-you or your DC? If it is you, that is lovely but I don't see how your DC is going to be able to carry on once she gets to old for you to do it for her.

If I get a thank you for a present when one of my children has attended a party (and this has only happened ONCE, EVER, fairly recently), I just throw it away. So I don't thinki anything horrible about the sender but I do just chuck it.

I honestly don't get the "i've provided a party, I shouldn't have to say thank you for the present" thing.
really I don't.

Do you make your children also write a thank you note to the host to say thank you for the party? Surely that is good manners?

piscesmoon, why wouldn't a child be able to write their own thank you notes?
I always did as a child, and I still do now.

we usually do, its good manners unless you personally thanked everyone at the party in which case you dont really need to I suppose.

I have seen a card "thank you for coming to my party and hope you had as good a time as I did" in the party bag.

And I wasn't 'competitive partying' - really, I was just inviting the whole class as it was the easiest thing to do.

Sorry- you did reply by the time I posted! It is understandable if she has SN but a mother can't in general write a letter for a 7yr old, and it is unfair for a DC of that age to write handwritten letters 30 times!

Oh no, PLEASE tell me I won't now get a load of 'thank you for having a party' notes? Surely not?!

Yes I do. Dd is too little to write them herself yet, but she does the kisses. Ds (5) wrote his name on his earlier in the year.
Bizarrely, I don't write notes from myself - I phone instead.

I honestly don't mind people disagreeing vehemently with me on this thread btw, it's fine by me, I asked for opinions AND I asked in AIBU, I deserve whatever I get imo

nobody gets their child to write a thank you for the party then? Oooh, you know nobody will like you, they'll all talk about you behind your back your nasty, brattish children will be shunned and random people on the internet will call you a bitch!

No, no, I don't begrudge the amount spent, we can afford it, that's not the issue.

actually, as an adult I always write to say thank you for a party. I never write to thank someone for a present I received in person, and would think someone was odd if they did.

I always write thank you notes. I want my boys to grow up knowing how important it is to express appreciation to people who make the time and effort to think about you for the length of time it takes to choose, buy and wrap a present for you.

My DS1 is 4 this week, and he will be helping me to make thank you cards and drawing a little picture in each one for his friends to thank them for their presents after his party on Friday.

You may think you have provided a "lavish" party for other people, but actually they have taken time out of their family weekend or whatever to come to it. You should thank them. Saying thank you on the day isn't enough. You should write to them too so they feel appreciated.

I wouldn't "mind" if someone didn't thank me for a present. But I would notice it.

Listen, when DD1 and DD2 can write, believe you me they will be writing out their own thank you cards, even if they only manage their friends name and their own name and I do the middle bit at first. Then as they get older they will write the whole thing, as I did when I was a child.

Hang on, do I now have to write to all attendees to thank THEM for coming too?

SURELY not?

I actually think it is quite sad you even have to ask. Of course you should write thank you notes - my niece was 5 at the weekend and she wrote in hers herself. Its just good manners. We were taught to as kids and I still do it now.